Dear John

Dear John,

I can't believe it has been 9 months since your gone. I never thought this would happen. Our hearts are broken. I know we sometimes didn't talk for a little while but not this long. We are all trying to get on with our lives, but you were such a vital part of our lives we don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. Who am I supposed to talk to to help me make sense of our crazy family? It's been you for so long. Who is supposed to put funny pictures on Facebook or crazy comments on my posts? Other's try but there are not you. Who is supposed to help me keep this family together without letting me get in too deep? Who is supposed to keep us laughing when things look dim?

It's so hard! I can not imagine what we will do for the rest of our lives without you here.  Everyone is feeling the pain. I know it is not just me. We are all broken without you!
People say time will heal your wounds but time is only making us miss you more! I have big changes going on in my life right now and I need to talk to my little-big brother! I miss you so much! Only you knew what to say with the exactly right humor to help every situation feel better. You could let me know when I was being ridiculous in such a way that I would end up laughing at myself. You did that John!! I need that NOW!!! I need that now!! I want to hear your voice! I want to hear you say my name "Beck!".

Everyday I think of things I should, could or want to tell you. I want to talk to you about our little brother who is making some bold moves now. He misses you too. We all do! I have a new home now in our home town, you would love it! I wish you could see it. In my heart I know you do but.....
Our little brother is going to take a big step on his own tomorrow as I leave to go on a vacation with my son, I know he wishes he could talk to you about it, but...

The craziest part of all is we never saw this coming! I am so glad that I went on that vacation last year because I go to spend so much time with you and get so many hugs! I look back now and cherish every moment!
I think I will miss you as long as I am alive! I am not sure how this gets better. People say its gets better with time, maybe it does but I do not see it!

I will love you for the rest of my life until I see you again in eternity.
Your sister