Friday, February 26, 2010

UP late and Thinking

I am awake late into the night again and I shouldn't be. I should be sleeping peacefully like my husband in there. But no I am awake so here I am. I have to get up in a few hours for work again so after this I will lay in bed and God willing fall asleep. I had a busy hectic chaotic day at work today. I am not complaining it comes as part of the territory. I work with patients who are mostly diagnosed with head and neck cancer. If they are on my unit the usually have several other problems too. These are some very sick people and I feel I have been placed here to help the patients and my colleagues. So today I will not bore you with all the technical medical stuff but what I will tell you is everyone was working hard today and all deserve a pat on the back which I did with several of the staff. We ran so crazy, I was in charge today, I told them we should all end with a group hug on days like this. Few laughed, couple gave me a hug, one particular nurse who was EXTREMELY busy today, whom I spent most of my day helping, told me she was going to her car to cry all the way home then she gave me a hug and thanked me for my help.
After reading all this about how we want to cry and how hard the work is you may think why do we do this to ourselves. I can only speak for me but from the commitment I see from the nurses on our floor I think the may feel the same way.
I do this because this is where God wants me to be. This is my calling, I can not imagine myself doing anything else. I do this for my patients who are sick and in pain and need someone to care for them to help them get back to their optimal health so they can carry on their lives. I do not do this for glory because there is very little glory in nursing. I do it for the people who are sick and need the help that only I can give them. The ones who need me to be the voice to the doctor about how bad their pain is or why the can not sit in that chair today. I do this because I am the advocate for my patient who stands guard of them making sure their best interest is being taking care of. To make sure the right med is given at the right time to the right patient in the right form. I do this because I am a nurse, I was born to do this and I will do it until I know I have completed the mission set before me.

Now I really should try to get a few hours of sleep because the craziness starts bright and early at 7am again and I am again in charge.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Just my crazy thoughts

For all of you who are my face book friends you know I have gotten sick AGAIN. They say a mind is a terrible thing to waste but I gotta tell ya my mind goes crazy when these times happen. As many know I am a nurse so that is bad enough but I am also a cancer nurse so that is very very bad when I am not feeling well and trying to relate illnesses to a main cause. When I get these illnesses I have pain in my right side which is where I have had problems for a long time. My liver is on my right side so my crazy mind goes off on the liver cancer symptoms. I am not jaundice my eyes and finger nail beds are all pink as they should be and not yellow which would indicate liver damage. But, what about this pain maybe it is some slow growing cancer that only gives me pain when I am having problems. This is all crazy I know but this is what is called having a little bit to much knowledge. So I get my mind all crazy about that scenario which only adds to the carppiness of my mental state when I am hugging the toilet. Sorry that is not a pretty picture. As I begin to feel worse and worse with every trip to the bathroom the mind races to other things that could be causing this. I am a diabetic so maybe I am having complications from diabetes. Then my crazy mind runs over all the complications that could be causing me to get sick so much.
I have to get it all out of mind so I chose to place it here. I do not know for sure if I will be able to keep the crazy thoughts from my mind when feeling bad. But, I am feeling better now have not hugged the toilet for several hours and have eaten some scrambled eggs and a few hours latter some saltines with a little peanut butter. Right now I feel ok but I have no idea when this will come back seems like it was only a few weeks ago when it happened. I am going to go talk to the doctor tomorrow and see if we can get to the bottom of this and put my crazy mind to rest.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

A New Day

There must be someone out there who needs to read this today because after I wrote it and tried to publish it it all disappeared letting me know I was doing the right thing by writing it. So here I go again.
Last night I was a little blue feeling sad and scared. Today I feel better after reading my devotion and praying to my Lord. I am not perfect. I am fat. (I know this I have been most of my life). I am insecure why I do not know because my husband has been by my side every day of my life since I was 17. I am lazy; I would rather play on the computer, read a book or watch TV than to exercise. I have never been a physical person. Yesterday all of this made me feel sad and blue. Today I realize after reading my devotion and listening to God I am not perfect and will never be. But He loves me anyway. He sent his son Jesus Christ to die for me even though I am fat, insecure and lazy and many more things I know or do not know. He still loves me. I made a commitment to follow my savior about 26 years ago and I still do most days. I read my bible. I pray. I confess my sins. But somedays I just do not feel loved. I feel fat, insecure and lazy. Especially on those days I should try to remember as I battle my old selfish nature that Jesus died for me! He knew I would be this way. Knew everything about me before I was born; knew I would write this today that blows my mind.

So if you are feeling sad, blue, or low just remember Jesus died for you and for me. He loves us all; even fat, insecure, lazy me.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

My view on Sarah Palin and Other News Items

I am a fan of Sarah Palin. I actually like her and would vote for her for her. I like her politics. I like her spunk. I like that she is not like all the rest. I hope she runs because she would have my vote. I think any show that takes shots at her through her children is absolutely uncalled for. It is horrible the child is only 1 year old.
I am at my dad's condo in Myrtle Beach until Wednesday of this week. I was in the other room when I heard a interview with some idiot(I usually do not call people this but this guy you will see) He was talking about "fat people" spurned by the man who got kicked off the plane because he was too fat. He was extremely rude. He was talking about how "fat people" were wrong and caused their own problems because they at too much and blah blah blah. I can not believe someone would blast someone for a physical ailment. I happen to be over weight myself and I would be mortified if I was called out off a plane.

Oprah, since she went out of her way to stand for President Obama I really have no interest in her or what she has to do or say. I do believe she does a lot of good things but who gets the glory for what Oprah does. Oprah does!

The vice presidents weekend debate I think the media is blowing way out of proportion. My dad watches Fox News so I have lived Fox News this week and quite frankly I am tired of hearing about the weekend debate. Is it going to change anything in our government or how they deal with issues NO so let it go!


Sometimes I wake up in the morning for no reason at all I have a funny feeling in my stomach and then I start thinking this is the feeling that gives me panic attacks. Since I am now on medication for panic attacks I no longer get then but I do every once in a while get that funny feeling in my stomach. Today I checked my blood sugar and it was high 267 high! I am afraid of my blood sugars. I can not figure out how to eat well. I am trying so hard. The problem is sometimes I find myself eating before I know what I am doing. WHY?? I do not know. I wish I did. It has nothing to do with willpower. I have the will power I really want to do the right thing. But then I don't! I am a nurse I know what diabetes can do and I am afraid. I want to go to the gym next week three times. I joined curves a few months ago I want to go 3 times please pray that I can.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

New Blog

I don't know if you all know this . Some do but just in case you may want to read my stories. I love to write and often write poems and stories some from life experience some from that place in me God has stored the words to write. So if your interested the blog address is Check it out and let me know what you think.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Morning SIckness??

HMMMM! Is it morning sickness or just something I ate the night before? Was my blood sugar high because I ate too much the night before? This morning I woke up terribly nauseated and ---. You get the picture. As I sat on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet my husband after checking on me to see if I was OK said. "Maybe its morning sickness and you are pregnant,hahahaha!" After I could move I went back into bed called work because I was supposed to go in a few hours later and told them and also left a message for my boss. That was about 6am, I was due in at 11. I feel back to sleep. About 9am my boss called to check on me; she also joked maybe its morning sickness we will have a shower for you. Ha ha ha I laughed and feel back to sleep after the call. I woke a few hours later actually feeling better. I made a cup of tea and drank it with no problems. Then my crazy old menopausal mind started to wonder........what if I was pregnant?? would that happen since I have had a hysterectomy???? Why it would be a miracle....that meant if I was pregnant then this child would be a special gift from God......First of all I do not have the parts is that even possible??? Anything is possible with God!! Second I am too old I will be 49 in a few months.....That does not matter to God.....I take medications what if I had a child with a handicap such as downs syndrome??? Well, if God gave me a child with handicaps there would be a reason and I would do what I needed to do......CRAZY TALK!!!!! YOU OLD FOOL!!!
But what if it was not crazy???? I feel perfectly fine now!!!
HMMMMM! Just crazy random thoughts from a menopausal woman who woke up nauseated!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

A Night at the Beach

Every once in a while it is good to get away from home to a place where I can relax and rejuvenate. I do this when my parents come to the beach. I often come here just sit around with them and talk or go for walks with my step mom. When I am here I can sit on the patio and listen to waves on the beach or go into my room open the window and listen to the waves. I love these times with them. Maybe it is not for the relaxation that I come but to share the company of my dad and my step mom. They are both very special to me. I love spending time with them and just talking or watching TV. It is a great escape for me.
Life can get me down by the many things I commit to do. I have a problem with saying No sometimes. So I busy myself with this and that and I tell myself I am working for the Lord or furthering my career. So I am so busy I do not have time to breathe. I do not want to be so busy that I miss moments with my family but I also want to work for the Lord. So lately I have been spending some time with God just spending time and trying to listen to the voice of my Lord as He leads me in life. As I sit here and listen to the ocean I want to thank my Lord and Savior for the the opportunity to spend time here at the beach with my wonderful dad and terrific step mom. I love them both more than I can say. Thank you Lord for letting them be a part of my life. I promise I will never take them for granted.