Monday, September 28, 2009

Is Fall Here??

Is Fall here? I ask because I live in South Carolina and it is still 80 degrees or higher. Actually that feels cool to me. You may laugh but summers here are 90-100 and with the heat index (that is what it actually feels like) it can be up to 110 or more at worst. So 80 degrees is nice. Right now at 5:29pm my temp on my computer reads 82. The weather man says it going to get cooler but we shall see.
I am originally from Pennsylvania and what I miss the most living here is the Fall. I love the change of seasons. I love to drive along the highway and see all the vibrant colors on the side of the roads and the hill sides. I miss that here. The trees do change some but not like at home.
I know its Fall because the kids are back in school and the haloween costumes are in the stores, but it sure doesn't feel like it right now.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sometimes I get sad for no reason at all

Sometimes I get sad for no reason at all everything is fine. Nobody is hurting or has hurt me. But sometimes I feel like I could just sit and cry for no reason at all. Is this what they call menopause. I have a rampant of emotions pent up inside and sometimes do not know how or I feel. I put on a face and go out in public and do what I have to then I come home and feel sometimes like I could cry myself to sleep. I miss my kids; I miss my grand kids; I miss my grandmother; I miss my dad. Then it goes away and I feel normal again for a while.
Until the next time. Is this what menopause is. If it is how long does it last. Should I take hormones? My doc says take over the counter stuff if I feel I need to. I have a few times for a few months at a time. Then stop and I am OK....Then it starts all over again.
I have no real reason to cry. I love my husband, he loves me. I have a nice home and we both have jobs. Yet sometimes I do just feel the need to cry.

Friday, September 25, 2009

27 years ago today

27 years ago today I married the man of my dreams. They relationship started 4 years earlier in a small town in the Pennsylvania mountains. I had been at my cousin's house for about a week when her family went to their camp in the mountains. I went along with them. My cousin and I soon got bored of camp (we were teenagers, what can I say). My aunt and uncle (the same ones who are causing all the commotion today with my grandmother) agreed to let us go back home. Debbie, my cousin, called her boyfriend to come and get us. His car was broke down; he asked his friend Kevin to take the trip with him. That was August 1, 1998. We had a great drive home with good conversation; they drove me home to my house and Kevin met my mom. He called me a few days later and we arranged our first date. I gave him directions to my house. He lived on one side of town I lived on the other. My directions were horrible and it took him 2 hrs to get to my house when it should have only taken 30 minutes, but he continued and made it to my house. After my mom say him in my town coming out of a small establishment where he stopped again to get directions to my house. My saw him and yelled out the window of her van "Are you Kevin?" He said "Yes!" She said "follow me!" and he did. We drove back across town to my cousin's house to hang out with them because she was grounded for some reason. Watched TV for a while and he brought me back home. We have been together ever since.
I remember our first kiss. It was about 2 weeks after the first date. We were out with friends playing a drinking game ( I did say earlier that we were teenagers right?). The game was a board game called pass out. Our turn he picked a card it said....Kiss your partner, Light up (I smoked at the time), or take a drink. We discussed what we should do for a minute or two until one of our friends said "O just shut up and kiss her!" So he did. Romantic huh?
I knew from that first date when he held my hand that he was the one for me. I just knew in my heart that he would be my husband some day....and 4 years later we said "I do" in front of our friends and family. Our wedding was simple not a big production. We decided we wanted to get married after we moved into a house we were trying to buy at the time. Talked about it, decided yes and got married two weeks later amongst rumors that I was pregnant. (The rumors were false I had my twins 1 year and 1 month later.) We got married in a local church and had a party at our house. It was terrific.
Now 27 years later I would not change a thing. We have had ups and downs over the years. I became a Christan shortly after the twins were born and Kevin became a Christan about 14 years later. We both believe God put us together and we intend to stay together. I love him more today than I could ever have imagined back then and I think I am the luckiest girl in the world to have him. God answered my prayers through him by giving me a loving and wonderful family of my own and I am thankful to the Lord for the great gift He has given me.

Monday, September 14, 2009

God is good ALL THE TIME

I have been writing about turmoil going on with my grandmother, my mom, her sister and me. For those who do not know I will summarize. My grandmother and I whom we call Nana and I have always been close. (After my grandfather died and I had not seen him for a few months before he got sick I decided that would not happen with my grandmother. I was 19 when my Pap died.) SO I have made a point never to loose contact with my Nana. I have never gone loner than a week to either see her or talk to her. I am now 47 and I still try to honor this. Sometimes a week may linger into almost two but I always call her.
My mom moved in with my grandmother about 15 years ago to take care of her after a illness. She took care of my Nan until about two years ago when my mom got sick after my son's wedding and ended up moving in with me. My grandmother wanted to be where my mom was so she and my mom moved from Pennsylvania to SC to live with me. They did so for just short of 2 years when they moved into their own place here. Then my grandmother had to have surgery on a hiatal hernia; after that she became total care. Her body was failing but her mind was still there. She could not walk and fell once or twice at their home. My mom's doctor told my mom she could no longer take care of my gram by her self. Since I have to work we talked to my gram and decided she would go to a nursing home. We got her in a place here that was beautiful! It was like a dream. They had a porch she could go out to sit on, an ice cream shop where she could get FREE ice cream for her and her visitors and many other amenities. My aunt, my mother's sister, wanted my grandmother closer to FAMILY she said so she complained enough and used a illness she has as bait for not being able to travel to get my gram back up in Pa in a nursing home facility. So my mother feeling sorry for her sister because of the health problems we thought was causing her not be able to come here to visit my grandmother mom conceded and moved my gram to PA to a state run nursing home. Yes it is exactly what it sounds like, that is all I have to say about that. Since the move back to PA my aunt in the course of moving my gram in had her sign a power of attorney, unknowingly.
That is when the tirade began. My mom and sister went to take my gram out to dinner after which my mom got a call the aunt, her sister, telling her she could only take my gram out with HER PERMISSION. I went to visit with my grandson and son and was told I was NOT ALLOWED to take my grandmother off the unit to SIT ON THE PORCH. Last week I got a call from the aunt she told me she wanted something I had that my gram had given me when she was here with me. (I did not ask for this is was GIVEN to me). She told me if I did not give it to her I would be FORBIDDEN to see my gram. I was crushed and of course agreed to anything so I could see my Nana. After talking about it to my daughter who is in law enforcement. She told me this was harassment and I should go to my local police dept and ask about phone harassment charges. I did. They stated they could not prosecute because this aunt lives in another state but they cold call her and tell her not to call me again and if she wanted anything from me in the future she should do it a legal action. That was Friday. (Mind you I am praying about this since the triad started as is my immediate family). The police called the aunt left a message for her to call back. Saturday the aunt called my mom several times mom did not answer. Yesterday the aunt left a message on my mom's voice mail that she was going on vacation and now we had to deal with her son; when I got there this week I was to call her son from the parking lot of my Nana's nursing home he would come to get the object she wanted and then He would ALLOW us to visit my Nana. This was both my mom and me. She was FORBIDDING us from seeing my grandmother until she got what she wanted! I was outraged! My mind started racing. I would go to court get visitation, she could not keep from my Nana who WANTED to see me. As I sat and pondered my actions in my mind a thought popped in my head (which I now know was from the Lord!) to do some Internet searching on elder abuse. I found out what she is doing is isolation which is abuse. I also found a site for the state of PA for elder abuse. I called my mom and started telling her what I had found. While I was reading the site to her I found a phone number which answered 24/7. Mom called. They agreed is elder abuse and THEY WILL TAKE CARE OF IT!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!! THEY SAID SHE CAN NOT KEEP US FROM SEEING MY GRAM AS LONG AS SHE WANTED TO SEE US!!!!
SO we are continuing to pray this job until completion. I am going to PA this week to see my gram Hopefully I can get in, I know I will with the Lords help!!!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Remembering 911

The horrors of that day are forever etched in our memories. Today is a day to remember the lost, families that lost and those who sacrificed.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Montage of Random Thought for Today

I worked today on a different floor than my home floor. I had some time when I could just think about things as I googled between busy times. Here is a montage of my random thoughts for today.

*The first thing I have been thinking of and feeling today is I need to go see my grandmother next week. For some reason I have a very strong NEED to go see my grand mother I can not get her off my mind and I need to see her. The problem is a bunch of crazy things happening trying to distract me from going like I am missing some time from my pay check so it is about 1/2 what I usually make. It will be in my next pay I am told. Then my husband lost his wallet (again). He has been doing that quite a few times lately. My dog sitter reneged on me and I will most likely have to put Tia in a kennel for the time we are gone. But no matter what happens I still have this strong sensation that I need to see my Nana. She is 96 and I have been close with her all my life I have never gone more than a week with out talking to her.

*I had a few patients today who were motor vehicle or ATV accidents. One was a tiny 18 year old boy. Broken bones everywhere! He broke my heart especially when daddy came in to see him and he was so tired from treatments today he could not wake up. Dad was sad. It was sad!

*I want to see my brother and my nephew. I know he went back to his life but I want to see him and Tyler when I get up there. I bought Tyler a T shirt with the hospital logo on it. :)

*I will get a break from school for three whole weeks at the end of this week. I do not want to think while I am off. Sounds silly I know but with school and work I have to be on my game writing papers and taking care of patients watching for any problems. SO I decided for the next three weeks I will only think at work. Everything else besides my devotions and time with God will be filled with fiction, fun and brain rest! I might even go to the beach by my self!

*I need to find a small group to go to. I have had several choices but they do not feel right. I think I will go to one Monday night. I know the leaders and like their style. I need that spiritual accountability.

*I need to plan my husband's 50th birthday party. I decided to make it also a New Year's Eve Party. I need to get info for out of town family and get it moving.

*I think I am suffering from menopause! I have hot flashes so much I feel like I live in a hot house or is it green house any how you get the picture. I live in SC so the temps here are usually in the 80-90 range with humidity it could feel like 100 and something...with a hot flash it feels like 200 and something. How professional do I look when I am visibly sweating and it is dripping down my face when taking care of patients! I feel like I need a cold shower every couple hours!

O well folks that is all for today. I am going to bed I am tired tonight.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

He went back.

He went back. My brother went back to her and his son. I understand why he is doing it but I am afraid for him. She has agreed to go to counseling and worrk things out. Tom said he just could not stand not seeing his son. I understand that. He gave us his phone number to call him and we have been. SO I will keep praying because God can do ALL THINGS.

Thursday, September 3, 2009


It is late so I will try not to ramble on and on. Any how, last week I was fretting about my brother and the relationship he WAS in and how this woman had a hold of him and he could not see it. Last week they got into a fight AGAIN, a big one. Police were called and my brother was toted off to jail because of it. They took him to the psych hospital because he was drunk. He spent the night there. He called my mom who called me at 2am to let me know about it. he did exactly as they told him and was calm sitting in the corner actually talking to some of the other guys and making sense! When it was his turn he went to talk to the doctor after he allowed the doctor to talk to my mom and get the whole scoop. The doc talked to him for a few hours and released him saying there was no reason for him to be there, so nothing will show up on his record. Mom did not hear anything for a while. Last night I fell asleep and woke up in the middle of the night with a very strong urge to pray for my brother. I did. This morning I woke up to a message from my mom. HE LEFT HER!!! (I am trying to get this all down but I have to tell you I am doing it through tears of joy and Praise for my Lord!!) I talked to him. He is OK! In fact he is great! You have to understand for four years my baby brother whom I love dearly was gone he was not himself. He was violent and loud one minute then crying and hurting himself the next minute. But now he is back!! I actually talked to him three times today just to make sure it was for real! He said after he talked to the doctor he realized he need to get a life for him and for his son. They had an argument last night she kicked him out and instead of getting crazy he called my mom and left! He said she told him he can come to see his son Tyler so that is my prayer now that she will allow him to see Tyler. I will also continue to pray for him as this is not going to be easy.
But all I have to say is PRAISE THE LORD MY BROTHER IS BACK!!!!