Sunday, June 28, 2009

I was thinking

I was thinking this week about a few thing and wanted to share. I was thinking about the recent deaths of celebrities. Were they Christians? Are the celebrating or suffering now? I hope they are celebrating. I always think when a celebrity dies maybe we did not know the whole picture and only saw what the journalist and news people wanted us to see. Maybe they really did know Jesus and we never knew....someday we will know...I hope I see them all there.

I have been thinking lately about volunteering for the Red Cross. I am a nurse and I love it! I think this is the profession God made me for. So I was thinking how could I use what I love to serve the Lord. Then I thought maybe I could volunteer for the Red Cross. I could use my skills and help in times of disaster and emergency. I looked it up on line and would have to take a few classes to volunteer. I talked to my husband about it today. He said it sounded like a good idea as long as I did not overwhelm my self and not have enough time for school. I am still praying about that. .....

I have been thinking about being a good witness for Jesus. I want people to know I am a Christ follower and not scare them away. I want unbelievers to be able to socialize with me and talk to me but know I am different some how. I want to make a difference.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Back from my trip

My Nana with Bryan and his family

My sweet grandson Asher

Saturday, June 13, 2009

a positive attitude

I have decided I am going to have a positive attitude and just visit the family. There are issues all around me that could make me angry enough to want to punch someone and ruin my day and my trip; but I refuse to allow it. I decided I will visit my family and enjoy the time I have with each of them. I will visit my Nana, grandma, everyday I am here and then I will go home. If I dwell on the negatives it will just make me feel bad. So I choose to let the Lord deal with the negatives because he is much better at that than me. Because vengeance is His, and they will reap what they sew.
Today I had a very nice visit with my grandmother. We sat in the dining room because I was forbidden to take her even out to the porch (trying not to be angry about all this). We talked for over an hour and had a great number of laughs. yesterday we took the baby to see her and we will take him again tomorrow.
I'll post some pictures when I get back.

Friday, June 12, 2009

I have a Jerry Springer Family

I have a family that should be on Jerry Springer I swear. My brother called me last night and wanted to know if I wanted to be part of his life, but he did not want to be involved with my mother or brother and sisters. He has his reason for not wanting to talk to each of them, some are legitimate, some I think are crazy but he has his reasons. I told him I loved him and did want to be part of his life. I also told him I would not choose sides I did not want to be in the middle but I did not want to loose him. He agreed to that and hopefully I will be able to see him on this trip to Pittsburgh. (I also told my mom he called me and that I would not choose sides. She also agreed and said she would not ask me to reveal anything to her about him. She only ask if they were hurt or in trouble that I would let her know. I agreed.)

I am here in Pittsburgh mainly to see my grandmother and to bring the baby to see her. My niece is also graduating this weekend. I wanted to bring my grandmother to the graduation. I have been talking to her about it for weeks and she was excited about it. I thought I would be nice and call my aunt because she is POV now and ask permission to take my grandmother to the party. She just called me and said "NO". she said she talked to my grandmother about it and she got upset and did not want to go. (which I do not believe) She also told me she has told the nurses Nana should not be taken out on Sunday. I am crushed! I do not understand why my grandmother should suffer because me aunt has issues with me. (Issues that are all crazy and untrue) I just do not understand why someone would hurt my grandmother just to spite me.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

A Broken Heart

I am the kind of person who thinks everyone should get a second chance. If I love you I am going to hang in there with you and show Gods love even when hurtful. I grew up as a child of divorce. Remarriage from my mom and dad brought me more siblings. So I really have 3 sisters, 2 half brothers and 2 step sisters. Although they are half siblings and step siblings never mattered to me they were just my siblings. I grew up with my 2 brothers in the same house. My mom always tried and succeeded for the most part to keep us together as family unit. She had to work while we were growing up but always kept the family together. My youngest brother always had a special place in my heart and still does for the most part I can not let him go. Last night mom went to the house she gave to my brother, my grandmother's house, to find that he had moved out several weeks ago and was keeping his dogs pinned up in there. The house is trashed. He did come to the house and mom with the police at her side had to have him remove all his dogs and stuff from the house. He said many, many hurtful things to my mom who has done everything for him was even willing to file for bankruptcy for him so he could have that house. Some of the hurtful things he said were aimed at other family members who did not deserve it. Although nothing was aimed at me; he did crush my other brother whom I talked to for a good while last night while he a grown man cried because of the hurtful things that were said about him and his family.
I am angry because hoe hurt my other brother, my mom and my sister but I still can not give up on him. More and more everyday it seems like he gets further and further away but still I hope he will become the brother I know and love so much again. Every day brings news of how he has hurt someone else. I could cry every time I think of him and sometimes do my heart is broken and I wonder what happened to "my brother" the kind hearted light spirited clown we all loved.

Monday, June 8, 2009

This and that and a few other things

I have been thinking about a few things.

When and why is it that the child becomes the parent?
I have noticed in the past two years with my mom that I have become more of a parent figure to her. Actually we have had a different kind of relationship all my life. Since my parents divorce when I was 11 we have had more of a friend relationship than parent-child. Sometimes she just seems to me to be acting like an unruly teenager than a grown up responsible person.

My job is very stressful at times but I absolutely love what I do. I am an oncology nurse on a busy surgical floor. We see many patients with head and neck cancers. Over the weekend I was in charge of the unit. We tend to get attached to our patients because most of them are back and forth several times or they are there for a long time. One particular patient had a few emergencies over the weekend, three to be exact. Finally at the end of the shift yesterday we sent him to one of the units. He is OK, but it also makes me feel good that I was able to see a problem arise and act on it. The team of doctors was great too; they most always treat us nurses like part of the team. That is a big plus.

I still have one more year of school fro my bachelors in nursing. In my haste to be done with all this I thought since I did not see any more classes on my roster that I was done in June. last week I got a phone call from one of the school counselors stating I needed to pick 3 elective classes. I was shocked! I told her I was done in June and she proceeded to tell me no I had 1 more year. I am done in June but 2010 not 2009! O well there goes my summer of leisure. I will be studying just like I am now.

My daughter. My daughter and her husband had a long talk. It was good. She baffles me some times. She told me she does not know why he loves her. She can not find reason in herself for him to love her. All the darkness she but herself into as a teen must have clouded her judgement and made her not like herself. Her childhood was good at least according to her twin brother who was treated exactly the same at home as she was. I know why he loves her and try to let her know that all the time because I love her too. More than words can say. Does parenting every get easier I wonder?

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Dark Places

This is me, Sharon and Ethan at my son's wedding two years ago.

I spoke to my daughter today. She is not happy. It breaks my heart to hear her cry. My daughter as a child was a very perky little girl involved in church. Then teen age years came and she got into the goth thing, she dressed all in black, wore black makeup and nail polish before it was the thing to do. She also get into witch craft. I think she got much further into it than I ever thought she was. I was so blind when she was a teen. We butted heads all the time. She scared me sometimes with the things she said and did. Then she graduated high school and got went into the army. She met my son in law; they got married. He is so different from her. He also grew up in church and although he does not go to church professes to be a Christan. He is a cowboy at heart and at times very lazy. He will put off doing something until the very last minute and will not initiated anything new. Her and I got closer when she went into the army we used to write letters to each other all the time and now we talk every day. Sharon seemed to change once she got married. She wasn't so against God any more she even said she believed in God again. (I was elated!) From time to time I talk to her when she has had a fight with her husband and needs to talk. Then things get better again. Today when I talked to her she scared me again. She was talking about how she is not happy and she feels like she is being suffocated. She said she feels like she is loosing herself and does not know who she is. She told me my grandson is the only reason she has to live. She said she would never do anything to herself but, she has cut herself before when she was a teen and a few months ago she showed up with a big cut on her leg she could not explain.

I know she needs the Lord in her life she has so many demons she has let into her life and know she is fighting them everyday without the Lord. I pray for her all the time. I know the Lord loves her if only she knew!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Random Thoughts

I have been so busy lately with family, school, work and stuff that I allow to take my time like face book I haven't had much time to post. I have had several ideas of what to post from day to day but computer issues have been driving me crazy. My computer needs overhauled badly but because of school and papers to write I have been stalling at least until classes are done IN THREE WEEKS!! So I thought I would just throw out some of the random thoughts that have been in my brain.
  • **My mom was rear ended by a drunk driver as she was minding her own business driving in my jeep up the interstate in West Virginia headed home to Pittsburgh. She had driven 11 hours and was only 2 hours away. Praise the Lord she was not hurt!! But I can not stop thinking thoughts about the driver of the vehicle that hit her. Did he see her? Was he sleeping or passed out? Did he try to run away? (He passed her and was headed off the interstate when his car quit.) Why do bad things happen to good people? I know there is no simple answer to that question and I will not truly understand it until I get to heaven but it lingers from to time.
  • **Cell phones, I am addicted to mine. I have a black berry so I can keep up with my life. What did I do before cell phones and why is this phone so important to me. I think it is because my family all live so far away and with my phone I can be constantly connected to them. They can call me anytime or send me a message, picture or video. Just yesterday I got a video of my 3 yr old grandson singing "This little light of mine." It is darling and I have played it several times. I sometimes think do I love this phone because I am a control freak and want to have control of everything in my life including my family?
  • **Face Book, started out as a web page several years ago for college age student to keep in touch with each other. What has bloomed now is a huge social network of people of all ages. Do these social network web pages hinder our day to day interactions with people because we are so used to being in our own little room typing and not face to face anymore?
  • **Family. Family is the most important thing to me in this life. My husband, children and grand children and also my parents, brothers and sisters. My parents divorced in an ugly battle when I was 11. Both mom and dad remarried which added more sisters and brothers to our family. I remember as a little girl praying before I even knew Christ as my saviour to please fix my family. Well, He has. Mom, Dad and my Step mom are very much on friendly terms these days. In fact My dad and step mom traveled to WV with my sister to get all my moms stuff! But the devil is always trying to mess up the good the Lord has done. My youngest brother is in a bad relationship and he has a child. The women he is involved with has threatened to take his child away if he interacts with us. She has even suggested the child may not be his. SO we have no way to contact to him by phone. I however continue to send letters, cards and other stuff to him by mail so he knows I love him and will not give up on him.

I think that is enough random thoughts for now. I may post more later but for now I have school work to get to so I will stop. I hope all are having a great day and God's peace be with all of you.