Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Christmas was Great!

Christmas this year was wonderful! We spent the day with my son and his family. They have a new addition to their family, my new grandson Nathaniel. My grandson Asher, who will be 2 years old on January 8. He woke up early Christmas morning about 8am. He was so excited and it was so much fun watching him open his gifts.

Little Nate also got to join in as he wore his new Christmas outfit andChristmas hat.
We spent the whole day with our son and his family. Then a little later we had a skype date with my daughter and the boys showed each other their gifts. All in all it was a wonderful day. Then we woke up on the 26th to a winter wonderland in North Carolina.

The greatest part of all was spending time with the grandkids. I loved watching them together. Asher loves his new baby brother so much.

It was a great time and I feel truly blessed and I give all my praises to my glorios Lord and Saviour Jesus. Thank you Lord!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A New Baby for Christmas

We are so very blessed we have a new baby boy for Christmas. His name is Nathaniel Caleb and he was born on Dec 14 at 3:15 am weighing 6lbs 11oz. He is much tinier that our other babies but just as adorable. I know you will agree with me.
So I left Pittsburgh, went home for 3 days and worked then came here to my son's in Wake Forest, NC where I am going to stay till after Christmas. My hubby will be meeting me here on Christmas Eve.
Merry Christmas to All!

Monday, December 13, 2010

mean people want to take away my JOY but I will not let them!!

I am in Pittsburgh now. I made it. I have seen my Nana for two days now once each day. Today i went over to see her after running a few errands to get her some pictures for a collage we are making. I saw the "mean people's" name on the register above the line I had to sign. I also noticed the pages had been turned as to investigate who had been there. I went up stairs to where my Nana's room was and delivered some candy and popcorn I had bought for the staff. I saw the mean people in the hall. They saw me. Looked right at me and ignored me as I walked by to Nana's room. Nana was not in her room so I went back to the desk to ask where my Nana was. I was told she was down stairs playing BINGO. So I went down there. I saw her and pulled up a chair to sit beside her. We talked and I showed her the pictures for about 10 minutes before the "mean people" came in the room. (Mean people formerly addressed in a previous blog as wwonw.) She pulled up a chair and kissed my Nana on the cheek and said "I thought we might take you out for some coffee." (This was said just because me being a nice person called the meanest person of them all to see if I could take my Nana out for dinner for her 97th birthday because I would be in town and she told me no...not even for coffee!) Then my daughter called talked to my Nana for a minute then to me for a minute. I hung up the phone and the meanest of them all said we should go see if the can fix her hair. She pulled my Nana's wheelchair away from the table WE were sitting at and took her AWAY from me left me sitting at the table by myself! As she and her other half of the mean people walked out of the room he said "That's good because I did not like the company here anyway!"
I was shocked I sat there for a minute or two stunned. Then I got up got my coat and went to find the social worker but she was not in her office. The secretary said she would find her for me but I could feel my self getting emotional and told her I would talk to the sw tomorrow....I went to my car and lost it! I was so mad and hurt and devastated because they took my grandmother away from me I could not believe how mean and cruel they were. I talked to my mom, my daughter, and my husband. All who told me they were indeed mean but I should just not let it get me down and go back later...Because if I did they would win they were only doing this to upset me. I thought about it a little then my two sisters called to see how I was ...I lost it again with them...
After that I went to distract my self with some Christmas worked!
I went back this evening and spend 2 whole hours with my Nana. My dad, step mom and sister came just in case the mean people came and tried anything again...They did not!...It was a great visit...
I was thinking on my way home....I love my grandmother dearly. I have kept in touch with her all my life...I have never gone more than a week without talking to her or seeing her when I was close. I have absolutely NO Guilt in my relationship with my grandmother ever!!!
I will not let them take my grandmother away from me!!! I will pray and turn it over to my Lord and He will take care of me and my grandmother. He will restore our Joy and he already has!!!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Getting Excited and Nervous at the same time

I am headed to Pittsburgh on Friday. I am excited because I will be seeing my family. I am nervous because I am driving by myself for 12 hours. I plan to stop in West Virginia to get some rest. But I think I have been watching too much forensic files on TV. I keep thinking about how to keep my self safe when I stay in a hotel in WV by myself. I guess that is not a bad thing I would want to be safe but it is freaking me out a little. I should get there Saturday afternoon. Then I am told Sunday there will be rain, ice and snow....YIPPEE!! I have been missing the cold winter weather, actually it has been cold her it has been in the 40s in the day time. I know what you are thinking that is not cold but it is for us here in Charleston, SC! I plan on staying till Wednesday then I am going to head back home in hopes of making it the whole way in one day.....I will stop if I get too tired. I am going to see my grandmother as much as I can while I am up there. I usually go once or twice each day...Then I am also going to see my cousin who is my best friend and e will hang out some. Her birthday is Tuesday and I am looking forward to spending some time with her. We lost two years with each other because we let family drama come between us but we have moved past that and decided not to ever let that happen again. I am elated we are BFFs again. I missed her everyday for that two years. Silly thing is a TV show we used to watch together in the 80s was remade and we contacted each other about it and have been thick as thieves since. I could cry just thinking about the whole mess but it is over now and we have each other again forever. I will most likely see other family while I am there also. I always visit my brother because he is not allowed to keep in touch much. (very long story). I am always allowed to visit so I will see him and my nephew a few times. Hopefully I can see other family too. I'll keep you posted.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Just thinking about some things

I am pretty excited that I am headed home at the end of the week. My Nana's birthday is next week and I am going to spend some time with her. She will be 97. I wanted to take her out to dinner. So I called the power person ( I will just call the wicked witch of the north-west, wwothnw; I know this is not nice but it is the nicest way I can refer to this person) Anyhow I called to see if I can take my 97 year old grand mother out to dinner for her 97th birthday. I was told by the wwotnw and I quote "NO YOU AN NOT TAKE HER ANYWHERE! YOU ARE ALLOWED TO VISIT HER BUT YOU CAN NOT TAKE HER ANYWHERE! THAT IS WHERE SHE LIVES AND THAT IS WHERE SHE STAYS!" I said "thank you" and hung up the phone. I stewed for days... because my grandmother is the one suffering; but she at this point does not remember much. She has dementia which means she does not remember things. According Webster's dictionary on line dementia is " a usually progressive condition such as Alzheimer's disease marked by deteriorated cognitive functioning often with emotional apathy." So my grandmother does not really know what is happening. All she knows is she lives there now.
The thing is I can't help thinking about the wwothnw. She is mean; she is vicious; and vindictive when it comes to my grandmother and it is all about power. She has it now and she wants us to know it. I can not imagine living every day with that kind of hate inside. She hates us....and the funny thing is I have no idea why.....

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Saturday Morning Daybook Entry

Outside my window the sun is shining, the air is crisp and its the start of a beautiful day.

I am thinking God is wonderful and his timing is perfect. I was waiting to hear about a new job. I got the job. My concern was that it was in a dark office; well I heard there has been a shuffling of offices and I will now be in my old office which is light and bright.

I am thankful for the great friends I have..Those I have met from work..those I have met from church..Those I have met from blogging..Those I have met along the way..God has placed every one of them in my life and I am thankful.

From the kitchen I am smelling breakfast, I am making a breakfast blend with sausage, potatoes, eggs and cheese. (Some times I get domestic and even surprise myself.)

I am wearing jeans and a black jersey and white socks.

I am studying the gastro intestinal system and all its complications and problems.

I am going to Pittsburgh on Friday to see my grandmother who will be 97 years old next week. I am going to drive by myself. I am excited, and nervous.

I am reading still the Centurion's wife. along with all the school stuff.

I am hoping for a good holiday season, a great visit with my Nana and my dad.

I am hearing the dog panting and Kevin talking to her because we are eating our breakfast and she wants some.

Around the house messy needs cleaning

One of m favorite things spending time with my Nana (my grandmother)

Sunday, November 28, 2010


A wonderful thing happened today, well it actually started a while ago but today it finally happened! About a month ago on faebook an old friend from high school and I talked she let me know she had found a mutal friend of ours. She was talking to her on the phine and me on facebook. She gave me her phone number. Since then we have tried to talk to each other but only played phine tag. As we were trying to get to talk to each other the memories have flown back. So many memories. We were all soo close and swore we would always stay together. But as life does it moved us all apart, from one side of the country to the other. We lost contact and all went on with our lives. Now through the miracle of technology we have found each other again. We are talking about a reunion of us girls....O My goodness that would be soo wonderful!!!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Decisions are not easy

I am thinking and thinking and thinking.....sometimes I think I think too much.....
I am in school for my master's degree as many of you know in nursing. This is a big task and I have decided to my best at this. I feel by doing my best I am honoring God who has given me this opportunity. So I applied for a couple day time jobs which would leave me open on nights and weekends to do school. I thought I was perfectly qualified for the first job; everyone told me I was. The interviews went great. I made it all the way to the end of the process and then I heard nothing. I called they told me it still looked good but they were still interveiwing. I still heard nothing so I thought well for some reason this job was stalled and I would hear at some future point. So I moved on. I got a call from a friend of mine who is the manager in the cancer clinic. She had a job I would be perfect for triage of cancer patients at the clinic. it is a Mon- Fri job, no weekends or holidays. A regular job, now I work 3/ 12 hr night shifts which really messes up the rest of my life. I work night so I sleep in the day; kevin works swing shift so he works days and nights. But he works 4 days on and 4 days off so my 3/ 12s work with his schedule because we can have days off together and manke plans and do things.
Ok so my friend offers me this job. Kevin and I talk and the two of us decide it is a good thing so we can go along with our two year plan of me finishing school and moving closer to home in two years. So I have done everything Stacy wants me to do. The new schedule where I work comes out and I am not on it. I call Stacy and I get a text that syas we have to talk money and she will call me later. If I move to the clinic I will already take a pay cut because I will not be getting my shift diffrential. So I told Stacy I would want to take this job for my base pay. So if we have to talk money that is making me think they want to work for less. What do I do??? Take a pay cut???? or stay where I am????
I need God to show me the way...... Please pray for guidance.......

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Outside my window the fall has finally reached the south...the leaves are falling from the trees and make a magical crunch as I walked across the front yard to get the mail. The air is still warm as the south should be but cool enough to enjoy it..

I am thinking God is good all the time

I am thankful for I am truly blessed. I have many friends the Lord has lead into my life from several venues from in person to Internet connections. My family is terrific and I my husband and I are both working

From the kitchen today I have something cooking!! ;) I have double chocolate brownies in the oven....and later stuffed meatballs

I am wearing jeans, comfy sock slippers and a flannel shirt

I am studying the respiratory system

I am going to teach at church later Kids Pointe, then church in the morning and back to work tomorrow night

I am reading still reading the centurion's wife getting to the good part

I am hoping I can go home to see my grandmother soon....she will be 97 on Dec 15 this year

I am hearing the washing machine on the spin cycle and Tombstone the movie in the living room

Around the house the living room needs vacuumed when Kevin wakes fall decorations are out in the dining room....the smell of brownies lingers around the house

One of my favorite things I love Autumn...the way the trees turn colors of the rainbow a picture painted by God for us to enjoy

A few plans for the week usual school and work....Kevin and I are going down town Charleston for a date and dinner on Thanksgiving, then shopping on Black Friday

Monday, November 15, 2010

My quiet time

This morning Kevin wanted to go for a bike ride so I went with him. He rides faster and farther than I do so I suggested parking at the Mepkin Abbey in Moncks Corner, SC. The Abbey is a home for monks that has gardens open to the public and several tours. I suggested I would go there when I was done and wait for him. I took my ride then went back to the truck to go to the gardens. I parked the truck in the parking area that looks out over the water.

Something, the Holy Spirit, told me to bring a Bible, pen, paper and camera. Next I found my self on a by the river under a big oak tree reaching down to the water. (the picture is above). Not knowing what to read I prayed"Dear Lord please open my heart and mind to You so I may see what You want me to see and learn here today." 1 Corinthians 10 came to mind. Since my favorite verse is 1 Corinthians 10:13 I read the chapter. Now I am sitting here in the shade of a big oak tree with the moss hanging down and touching the river with the birds singing while I wait foe Kevin and spend time with my Lord.
I realized I have been taking my favorite verse completely out of content. In verses 1-11 Paul talks of how the Israelites were saved walked through the Red Sea saw the miracles first hand and then turned from God causing them to die in the wilderness as punishment. How many times have I see God's miracles a rainbow in the sky, a new born baby, and all the wonderful miracles of this world God has given us and turned away from Him. Thought I do not want to read my bible now because I want to watch TV. Not now I will get to it. How many times have I felt the twinge of the Spirit to talk to this person or say a prayer for that one or just give that one a hug; and I walked away. Verse 12 says if you think you are standing firm be careful for you to may fall into sin. Verse 27 says if a nonChristain invites you for dinner go and eat what they eat. But do not do anything to cause to make them stumble and move away from God.

This chapter tells me how to minister to the ungodly and that I should. it tells me Jesus dies for sinners and I am a no better I am also a sinner. I should not be proud or afraid Jesus spirit is with me always and I should follow where He leads and give Him the glory.

Dear Lord Jesus,
I will follow where you your precious and holy Name....Amen...

Just my thoughts for the day......

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Simple Woman's Daybook Entry

Out side my window It is a wonderful day the leaves have fallen from the trees in my yard. I love the way they crunch under my feet when I walk through the yard. The temp is 66 degrees, the sun is shining through the trees, it is late afternoon it will be going down soon.

I am thinking I have to get ready for Kids Pointe (church for kids at my church) soon. I have to be there in an hour and a half...and I am getting tired I worked last night and have not slept yet and I am not tired... and O MY GOODNESS WHAT IS THAT SMELL?? THE DOG HAS GAS AGAIN!!! (Sorry I am back now, whew!)

I am thankful for my wonderful husband..he loves me and I sometimes don't know why..(I can be a bit neurotic at times and have many more flaws I could name but I won' least not now) He makes me laugh. I am so very thankful for his salvation and his relationship with Jesus

From the kitchen sorry folks nothing it is clean nothing cooking..

I am wearing grey leggings, white socks and my purple tank top..(crazy mix I know just took off my sweatshirt when I got home from the walk for The Low Country Pregnancy Center)

I am studying( I changed the creating to studying because that is what I do now because I am in school for my masters in nursing.) The cardiac system in my pathophysiology class.

I am going to church in an hour and a half to teach my kids 3-5 graders. Tomorrow to church in the morning then I don't know.

I am reading The Centurion's Wife; when I am not reading school stuff.

I am hoping I get the job I am interviewing for Monday.

I am hearing the TV 48 hours Hard Evidence.

Around the house my fall decorations are out. The house is a little messy but not bad.

One of my favorite things my curio cabinet with my collection of carousel horses..

A few plans for the rest of the week I have an interview on Monday for a M-F, 9-5 job to help me get school assignments in on time and have regular hours. I have a meeting of the board for Oncology Nursing Society. Spend some time with my hubby and go to work.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Stand Firm

I woke up way to early this morning. I could have turned on the TV and lost myself in whatever was on but for some reason God led me to my Bible early this Tuesday morning. When I opened my Bible The first thing I saw was the notes from the Women's Conference last month. I reread them, alone in my quiet room. I believe someone out there needs to here what I learned there that weekend. SO here goes!

First you have to know the speaker was a Christian woman who's husband is a minister and was following God's plan for them. Her husband and son had gone on a skiing trip. They were on their way back to their Nebraska home when their storm hit.
Her and her daughter were sitting in the living room and got a call from her son. He said to her "Mom dad and I were in a wreck, I am OK but dad can not feel his legs."
he told her where they were and where they were taking them. She through a few things in her bag and left her house never to return again. This started the her storm. Months of hospitals, surgeries, therapy, and having to move to a new home all while her husband was in the hospital paralyzed from the arm pits down.
This what I learned from her as she spoke at the conference.
Day One:
Storms will come without warning so let your roots grow deep. You do not know when they will happen. Matthew 7:24-25. God did not call us to be easy, breezy and beautiful all the time. We are the reflection of Him. The evil one knows this and wants us to fail. The storm WILL come.

Live your life with no regrets. The people in your life are there for a reason and they are valuable. Treat every good-bye and hello like it is your last. What if we really loved those who God placed in our lives. What would happen if we loved them like Jesus LOVED us. UNCONDITIONALLY...

God wants to use us in our brokenness. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. We as women pretend with each other. We say all is "OK" even though we are crying on the inside. We all struggle. Sometimes we even look at someone else and say I"I wish I had what she has." But the problem is we do not see the whole picture. God sees the whole picture from beginning to end. Have you ever had a friend going through something and said "call me if you need something?" You know they will never call but we hand out broken promises. Don't say call if you need me......go make them a dinner watch the children for a day, buy them some groceries.
We isolate ourselves when we are broken. God loves brokenness! Embrace the brokenness, God does! Gratefulness and despair can not live in the same place. Gratefulness and despair are closely linked.

Acts 16:23-25 Worship in your storm. If I put my eye on Him. He will get me through. We try to escape so we can get out of our storm. We bargain with God "If you get me out of this I will do this..." Don't try to escape worship Him in the place where you are. When I lift Him up my circumstances become small..

Why does God allow the storms?
Sometimes God allows a storm to change our path.
God allows storms to make us more like Jesus.
God allows storms so He can repair our brokenness.
God allows storms to get us ready for heaven to focus on what is really important.

That was day one. I will post more at a later date.

Dear God. I pray these words on this page will lead someone who is broken to you.
In Your Precious and Holy Name.....Amen

Friday, October 22, 2010

Melt Down

I am at my son's house for a few days. Today I watched my grandson have a melt down and it made me think of something. How often do we as adults and especially Christian adults have melt downs when we do not have our way. How many times have I raced somewhere because i was running late because of my own fault only to get angry at the person in front of me who is driving slower than I would like.......How many times have I called customer service about something and got upset because I talked to machines instead of a person...then when the person got on the line I was upset with them for no reason at all but because I had talked to machines for a few minutes....How many times a week does my Father think I need a time out, sent to my room, or even need a spanking....HHMMM...
I get so busy with the life I think I need to keep going that I sometimes forget what is really important. My relationship with God. O don't get me wrong I Love the Lord and truly long to be with Him but most days I am soo busy with what "I" have to do that I forget or do not have time to spend with my Lord and Saviour. It is as unacceptable as it sounds. I know I should spend time with God first and then see to my needs and wants but do I always do that? No, I don't; do you? I have good intentions I want to spend time with God then I must get a shower do this or do that and somehow God get pushed to the end of my day....As I listen to my 2 year old grandson have his meltdown I wonder how many times do I sound like that to my God and Father.....HHHMMMM

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


You know I thought I was a patient person. I always thought I had twins that is the ultimate test of patience. What I realize as life goes on is I am not a patient person. I am a microwave, high speed internet have to have it right now kind of person. I HATE to wait. I do not like to wait for my food in the drive through line after all it is a DRIVE THROUGH line; not here in South Carolina. Her it is a drive up order your food wait ten minutes then I will acknowledge you are there and maybe give you your food in about ten more minutes. AAARRRGGGHHH!!! That drives me crazy. So I guess that proves I am not patient , huh? Ok so maaayyyyyybbbbeee I have a problem with patience. I know the Lord is trying to teach me about this but I also know I am not responding very well to His teaching. So I guess I need to work on this. How do I do that??? HHMM....

I applied for a job a while ago; went through most of the interveiw process and then it stalled. No has gotten the job yet. This was really bothering me after all I want to get on with my life, make plans. I have things to do and places to see. I gotta go go go....ya know....
Well a crazy thing happened the other day at work. There was a computer glitch incident that made it look like chemo was given to the wrong person..(It was not these meds are checked and rechecked several times with another RN and with the patient.) Anyhow I was approacehed about this by the clinical unit leader and was told to write it all in an email and send it to my boss. Not long after I sent the email my boss called me and talked to me about it. After talking to me abouth that she told me our unit educator was leaving by November 5. She said she would like me to apply for the position. It would only be posted internally and she only asking three people to apply and I was one. This is crazy and amazing to me because this is what I am going to school for. HHHMMMMM! Is this God's way of telling me he has other plans for me than I do????? HHHMMM.........I guess we shall see!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Simple Woman's Daybook

A couple of my blogging friends have done these entries and I thought I would too every once in a while so here goes.

Outside my window The sun is shining through the trees in the yard. It looks like its going to be another beautiful day.

I am thinking It is wonderful that the Chilian mine workers are being rescued. I am amazed that they kept their minds together for so long in such a small space. I am clostrphobic. I am sure I would not have made it 10 minutes let alone 69 days. The nurse in me is wondering if they will have any long term health problems from the experience.

I am thankful for my husband, who is in the kitchen right now making breakfast. My family whom I love dearly and all the blessings the Lord has bestowed on me.

I am wearing my night gown, not too pretty actually, my daughter gave it to me just a simple t shirt dress some would wear out. I have no idea what I will wear today, hmm I think Jean capri pants and a t shirt.

I am rembering Jessica, a little girl who was stuck in a well many years ago and wondering how she is today.

I am going to a Women's Conference tomorrow with the ladies from my church. It is at a resort in Litchfield, South Carolina about an hour and a half from my home. I am excited to spend time with my CHristian sisters and learn what the Lord has planned fro me to learn.

I am reading for school I am reading Advanced Theroetical Perspectives for Nursing, hmm interesting stuff (not really but o well gotta do it) and for my pleasure I am reading The Centurian's Wife by Davis Bunn and Janette Oke a compelling story of the personal slave girl of Pilot's wif and a centurion who are investing the missing body after Christ rose from the grave. I am getting to the good parts now although the reading has been a bit slow because of the interesting stuff I have to read for school.

I am hoping many things come to mind..I am hoping I soon hear that I got the job I applied for so I can work a regular Mon-Fri 8-5 job. My son in law will start the job he got at Fed EX and be able to move east soon so I can be a daily part of my grand sons lives. My sister and brother in law and his brother can recover the losses from the embelzement of their company from thier receptionist so they can keep their business they worked so hard to make.

On my mind my family as always how are my daughter and her family doing; my son and his family. My mom who is with my brother and his family helping with my neice who is recoevering from a couple surgeries for clubbed feet. My grandmother in a nursing home in Pennsylvinia hoping I cn see her soon. My school work, what do I have to do today. My house that needs cleaned, the master bedroom which needs repaired from a leak from our air conditioner which knocked down part of the ceiling that my ghusband says we can now remodel as we had wanted too, but where is all the money coming from? When will all the construction be done? Why can't someone from HGTV call me and come to fix it that would be nice.

From the kitchen absolutely nothing except the dishwasher humming doing our dishes. I have never claimed to be the domestic godess. Infact today it is Kevin's cooking day on the egg. (his new cooking toy that can grill, bake and roast)

Around the house I am thinking needs a gentle cleaning today and maybe its time to get the fall decorations out....and of course the construction project that is stalled because of finances

Plans for the week getting myself ready for the womans retreat and then Saturday kevin and I head to Atlanta for the Big Green Egg festival....I am pretty excited.

One of my favorite things riding my bike and spending time with my husband and my best friend, or maybe we will go canoeing...hmm just love spending time with him.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Haloween to celebrate or not? that is the question

My daughter in law who is a Christian in seminary classes with my son for women's studies and missionary minded as is my son recently posted this article to her facebook page:
I have to say the article made me think a little. I have not practiced haloween for years. My husband was not a Christian while my children were growing up so he say no reason why they could not participate. As they grew old enough to understand I voiced my concerns about the holiday and they made their decisions as teenagers what to do which I am sure was not easy for them having one parent against and one not.

So what do I think now. I still do not agree with haloween, I choose not to capitalize it. However after reading this article I do not agree with all the Christian community bunched up in the church while non-believers rome the streets in the hundreds. I do agree this is a perfect opportunity to share to Christ with those who choose to participate. They may not be responsive to the verbal witness but they may be responsive to a seat after walking a long time with their children, or a cup of water or hot coffee or coca. As the parents enjoy these niceties I could offer them a bible to read in their leizure with a few key passages highlighted. This sounds interesting to me. Because as the article states when will I get the opportunity to talk about Christ to so many unbelievers at one time.

HMMMMM! Just something I am thinking about. I have not decided what I am doing this year but I will definately be thinking and praying about it. I know that for sure.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Not so good experience helped me make a decision

Last Monday I had a experience that leaked into Tuesday that helped me make a major decision in my life. I'll start at the beginning.

I woke up Monday afternoon after working the night before; every thing seemed fine. I felt a little hungry but starting cooking dinner so I thought I will be eating soon. I will be OK. I was cooking chili. My stomach started to get a little upset and I started to get nauseated so I ate a pop tart, mainly because it was something to eat quickly. Kevin left for work on the night shift. I thought I'll just watch TV a while then eat letting my stomach calm down a little since the pop tart. All of the sudden while doing nothing but sitting on the couch totally relaxed; I started getting chest pain. At first I was not alarmed then the pain got much worse; it felt like crushing in my chest and on top of my arms. I became startled and called my doctor thinking maybe I could be seen in the after hours clinic for some kind of stomach issue.
They made me call 911 and come to the hospital. An ambulance arrived and I was wisked to the hospital, mostly mortified because I was in an ambulance.
In the ER I they did tests and decided to admit me for further testing.
I was admitted and spent the night in the hospital. The next day tests were done and I got to go home. I am told heart test come back good although I have to go see my doctor next week (she had to leave town because her nurse's dad died and she was going to the funeral. She told this Tuesday morning when she came into see me.)
Whiling laying around in the hospital alone I made some decisions. Every heart test was coming back normal; which is good don't get me wrong. But still something was wrong to give me that pain. I attribute it to low blood sugar. I get very symptomatic when my blood sugar gets in the 70s. Normal is 80-110.
Diabetes has been ruling my life for the past ten years. I try to loose weight and I gain it back. All the time trying to balance my diet and exercise so my blood sugar does not get to too high or too low. This has not been fun.
A while ago my doctor talked to me about gastric bypass. This procedure has been noted to CURE diabetes in 85% of those who have the surgery. I have decided to take the risk to be in that 85%. The whole process will take a few months before the surgery is even scheduled but I have started the process and plan to go through with it. Kevin and I have talked about it in length. I have only told a handful of my family members mainly because I actually do not know why. I have confided in my husband, my children, my parents and now you.
Once the process starts to be more actively I think I will start another blog to journal my struggles and triumphs. As for now I ask for prayers from my prayer warrior friends.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Optomist or Pessimist

I heard a question today on a radio program my husband and I was listening to on our way to get the car serviced. We talked about the question for a few minutes but I have been thinking about it today.
The question: Would I rather be uninformed and be optimistic about the future or well informed and pessimistic?
I said I would rather be optimistic; my husband wants to be informed sooo that should make him pessimistic. I would rather spend my whole life not knowing what is going to happen and just trust in the Lord to lead me through my life. I am the kind of person that if I dwell on the future or what may happen I get anxious. Anxiety makes me nauseous and panicky. My husband loves to be well informed although he stated it does not make him pessimist. (I have to say he is not a pessimist, most of the time.)
Which would you be? or do you have another opinion?

Saturday, September 25, 2010

God chose the man for me 32 years ago

Today was my anniversary 28yrs of marriage. We are still happy and the best part along with loving each other still; we like each other too, and still have fun together.

Our love story started in 1978. August 1 to be exact. That is the day we met. I had been staying with my cousin for vacation. I had been there for two weeks; it was the summer of my senior year of high school. I had a great time but had been the third person my cousin and her boyfriends dates for two weeks. The whole family then went to camp. We stayed for the weekend. My cousin and her mom got into an argument and she wanted to go home. She called her boyfriend and his car was broke down. He then asked his friend to drive him up to camp to pick her up and meet me.
The next day they came to our rescue. I remember the day. Silly as it sounds I even remember what he was wearing. He walked up to meet the family; then we left to take the 2hr ride home. On the way home we talked about everything. The four of us having a great time. When we finally got to my house my mom was sitting on the porch. I walked them to the car and he ask for my phone number.
He called me a couple days later.
Our first date was a week later. Kevin lived on the other side of town; I gave him directions and left out about 15 miles (in my defence it was a straight line he was not supposed to turn till I told him to but somehow I did not tell him the straight rode was about 15 miles). He got terribly lost. He called I gave directions again. He finally got to my town and I told him I was in the front yard with a bunch of people. Apparently he drove up and down the street a few times and did not see us. He stopped at a local bar and called again; I again gave him directions. On the way out of the bar my mom who had been at the drug store across the street from where he called saw him and recognized him. Mom yelled out the window"Hey are you Kevin?".
Kevin said "Yes." and mom told him to follow her. He got to the house about 9:30 we drove to the other side of town to hang out with my cousin and her boyfriend.
We watched TV for a while and he rode me back home. That was my first date with the man the Lord had picked out just for me.

Thank you Lord for bringing Kevin into my life and letting us spend our lives together.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Newer Blog

I have been posting some poems and stories on my other blog in case anyone wanted to check it out here is the address:

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Dealing with my feelings

Yesterday, well actually two days ago I found out some news that I have to say totally disappointed me. I stewed long enough now I have to get it out and be the Christian woman God wants me to be. I found out my 20 year old unmarried niece is pregnant. I was not mad at her amazingly but I was very upset at my sister, her mom. I decided I will be supportive to my niece throughout this and be there if she needs me. That actually will not be a problem at all. The hard part will be being supportive to my sister. The whole situation is a very long story that i will not bore everyone with. All I will say is she dropped the ball and it let it bounce all over her house. SOOOO, I am gong to have to pray about this. I will pray for my relationship with my sister and the situation with my sister and my niece.

I needed to write this tonight to get it out there and off of me. So I can move on and be the supportive person God wants me to be.

Dear Lord, I pray for health for the baby my niece is carrying. I also pray for the lives of my niece, her baby, and her boyfriend. Thank you Lord.....

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Ponderings and Thoughts

Since my last post I have been thinking about faith. I know I have faith in God. I know I have faith in Jesus Christ. I have no doubt at all about Him being my savior and providing for me. So why was I so surprised about providing for those I love. Control is the issue, I think. I think I am in control when really I am not at all. God has been showing me in miraculous ways that He is in control and not me at all. SO I have decided to do a study on faith and faithfulness. I will keep you posted as God opens the doors in my heart and mind to hear what He wants me to learn about who truly is in control.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Witness to God's Work

As I stated in the last post I spent the Labor Day weekend at my son's house at seminary. I watched them interact with their neighbor who are all seminary students who have all been in the same boat as they are right now. My son has training for the job I talked about in the last post. He will work for a security firm. It will start out as part time on weekends second shift. My husband and I went there this weekend fully willing and capable to help them pay their monthly bills this month. We went to church with them and enjoyed a great service. We hung out and enjoyed the day then Kevin accompanied Bryan to his small group that evening. It is a couples small group on the first weekend of the month the men meet for accountability. I believe my daughter in law said the women meet on the third weekend of the month; the other two the couples meet. Anyhow, when the guys came home Bryan told Elise they gave him some envelopes. He stared opening them. What they found is truly a God thing. They found in those envelopes enough money to pay their bills this month and next. We were all stunned. This group of young families are in the same finical boat as my son; and they have only known them for a month. I could go on and on and on about this BUT the truth is God did this. A few posts ago I stated I was worried about my son. But God has answered our prayers in a wonderful way! I know as sure as I am sitting in my living room right now that GOD will take care of him and his family. I should not be as amazed as I am because I know God is great and wonderful! But I have to say I am truly stunned to be a witness to his work.
I know God is great! I know He can move mountains! So why was I so surprised by Him taking care of my son. I do not know. I could rationalize it but that would only give me excuses to make myself feel better. If I say i have faith in God and do not even trust Him with my son what am I saying to the world? Am I saying I trust God when it is convenient for me? Do I trust God with my children and grandchildren? I thought I did. But do I? This is something I am going to have to ponder on and pray about. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.......................

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Wonderful weekend

This labor day weekend I have spent at my son's house at Wake Forest, NC. He has started seminary there and moved his family. (Just wanted to update from my previous post. He got a job working for a security firm. He will of course have to pass a drug test and back ground check but there will be no problem with that. Then he will start part time on the weekends. My daughter in law has an interview with WIC and the school system.)
Any how spending time here is wonderful. They do not have any cable or satalite for their tv yet and get no reception so we have not had TV. SO we have had long conversations and just sat and watched my grandson Asher play, it has been a great visit. We have one more night and will leave after lunch tomorrow. We went to church with my son and his family this morning; it was a great service. The mere fact that my son and his family are happy and all the bills are again paid for a second month is a wonderful gift of God.
I admire the faith of this young family as they stepped out on faith alone. Neither of them knowing a head of time that they had jobs just knowing this is what God wanted them to do and where he wanted them to be. As we visit we have seen many mre families in the same area having had the same experiences. I admire them all and praise God for this young generation willing to follow His word in a worl where that is no longer the thing to do.

Monday, August 23, 2010

A worried Mom

I know I should not be because I know God is in control; but I am a mom. My son and his wife moved to semminary in NC last month. He quit his job to go to semminary becaue he felt that was where God was leading him. I know I should just be ok with that and I am but part of me still worries. They have not got jobs yet....School has started he has all his classes on Monday which leaves the rest of the week for work when it comes. I've talked to him about applying for assistance or unemployment and he says "Yeah, we talked about that,but...." And I think BUT WHAT son you need to pay rent and bills and have food for your family. I know God has provided for me when I was in a bind but this is my kid. Ya'know! We probably help them out as much as we can but I want him to do his part too ya'know...

My son in law is also looking for a job. My daughter thankfully has a good job now so they will be ok but have to cut corners a bit more. My son in laws unemployment runs out this week also.

My prayer....God I know you are always there and look out for your children. These are my children, Lord. I am afraid for them. My concern for my children is not as great as your concern for your child was because my children are not facing death on a cross; but it is concern and I know You know about that. Please help these young families that my son and daughter are a part of to get jobs to be able to follow your will for their lives... Thank you in your precious name...AMEN

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Realizing how lucky I am

I am at work and have been working for the past three days 12 hr shifts. I have a patient who is 47 years old. She had laryngeal cancer had surgery and complications. Now she is bed bound with a whole in her neck to breathe through (trach stoma). On the wall in front of her bed for her to see is a picture of herself in her healthy days and a picture of her daughter who is 10. The sad thing is this woman will not get much better than she is. She is so young. As I was helping her tonight a thought came to my mind that had to be from the Holy Spirit with in me "But for the grace of God go I". This could be me or one of my family members. Working here sometimes is hard and trying when patients are very needy and families will not or can not help them causing the nurse to; or when I am called to a room to get someone a Pepsi when I am trying to get my work done with my other patients but it is also sad. But every once in a while God reminds me why He chose me to do this job. To give gentle care to a woman who can not care for herself, or even roll over by herself to use a bed pan. To give a hug to a patient I have known for several years, or just to sit and listen to someone who wants to talk or to those who want to talk but no longer can.
I just want to thank God for allowing me to do what I do and to thank Him for my healthy family.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Alone Again Naturally

When I was a teenager there was a popular song called "Alone again naturally". In the song the singer sings how he has this and that in his his life but somehow always ends up alone naturally. I identified with this song when I was younger because I always felt alone. Crazy as it seems sometimes I could even feel alone in a crowded room with people I love. I heard the song the other day and remembered that time in my life. I was lost and alone most of the time. I felt wonderful when I was with my friends or my boyfriend, who is now my husband, but after they left I always felt "alone again naturally".

Much has changed since then. I am a wife, mother, grandmother, accomplished as a nurse and love where I am and what I do. But, most importantly I am now a follower of Jesus Christ. I know that He is with me always and I am NEVER really alone. Wherever I am and where ever I go He is with me. OH, I am still human and make mistakes ALL the time and I have my opinions sometimes my opinions are a little selfish after all I am human. The difference now is I am a follower of Christ as I said He is always with me. SO I try to be the best person I can be. When I am selfish I now have an inner voice to let me know I am being selfish and acting human again. I know I am a work in process. to become ore and more like Christ everyday. O, I know I am not there yet but I do try to be the best I can be because after all I will never again be "Alone again naturally"

Friday, August 6, 2010

A wonderful two days and a great next week

We helped our son move to Wake Forest, NC. He is starting seminary to get his masters degree then doctorate degree. So he moved his family to the campus into a nice two apartment. So Kevin and I met them up there and helped them move in. It was wonderful to spend time with them. Spending time with my grandson Asher was wonderful. That was my job to keep him busy so they could get moved in. I spent two delightful days listening to my grandson giggle.

Next week, actually in two days I am flying to Oregon to see my daughter, son in law, grandson Ethan, and new grandson Remmy. I will post tons of pictures when I get back.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Another Boy!

Yesterday we found out we are having another boy grand baby. That will make four boy grand babies! My son and his wife will have their second son. My daughter and her husband just had their second son. Now if I can only get everyone on the same side of the country I will be a happy MeMaw. That way I can steal them away when I want to have some fun MeMaw and me days as my oldest grandson Ethan calls it. At this time I am still in South Carolina. My daughter and her family is in Oregon. My son and his family is about to move to North Carolina. My son in law has been looking in other places closer to us for a job. Prayers for that will be appreciated.
Anyhow we will have four boys with four years!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I did it!

Yesterday I packed up the dog and headed to see my grand son in Greer, SC. Doesn't sound like a big deal but for me it was. I had been suffering from panic attacks lately which have almost completely stolen my confidience. I used to do this thing all the time heading out for where ever I wanted to go when ever I wanted. Then the panic attacks started and I was lucky I could gert out of bed in the morning let alone go out of the house by my self. I would force my self to even go to work. At work I would be ok because my mind would be totally occupied. So I am taking medication to help with that now and the next step was to do something by my self. So yesterday I packed up the dog and headed on the three hour trip to Greer. I had to spend the night in a hotel alone with the dog because of course I stayed as long as I possibly could. Today, this morning I FEEL GREAT!!!!
While I was at my son and daughter in laws-in laws house I found out I was excepted in the Master's Program!!!! Next week I start the Master's Program for Nurse Educator!!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Feeling Better

I am feeling much better these last few days. I have been taking the medication the doctor prescribed and my hormones. I am feeling better. I still had doubts in my self first thing in the morning. When I wake up my first thought is not what can I do today it is how do I feel. Hopefuly that will get better too with the more confidience I get. This week kevin is going out of town on a business trip so I am going to take a big step and go to see my son in the up state by my self. It is a few hour drive and I will stay in a hotel over night. (because they live with her parents till they move next week). This will be a big step for me. Before all this it would not have been a problem; I used to travel by myself all the time but after these attacks this is a big step. After this the next few weeks will be very busy. We are helping Bryan move to North Carolina first week of Aug; going to see Sharon and the new baby second week then going to a race the third week. Hopefully after that I will be back in school again to occupy my mind. My mind is my worst enemy.
I think after going on this trip this week by my self I can get my confidience back up.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Yesterday morning I opened my eyes; I felt pain in my chest. As the trained professional I am I closed my eyes thinking if I went back to sleep it would go away. A few hours later I woke up again with the same pain; I was scared this time I called the doctor. They said they could see me right away. I went into the other room and told my husband what was going on and he took me to the doctor. It just so happens my doctor is on vacation. The doctor filling in for her did and EKG to check my heart and it was good. He decided I was having another panic attack. He gave me xanax, a medication to calm someone down. In the state I was in this only made me more upset. Kevin took me home and went to fill the prescription. I took the xanax as soon as he got home; it made me go to sleep which is what I wanted to do anyway sleep. I woke at 4am and took another xanax because I did not want to wake up feeling like that again.
Today, I woke up late. Kevin was awake and doing things around the house. I did not want to ever feel like I did yesterday. I take bio-identical hormones and needed my refill so I ask him if he would drive with me to the other side of town to pick them up. He did. I had called the doctor while we were on our way there to see if I should do anything with the medication I was taking to keep the attacks away, not the xanax. The doctor said I should double my preventive medication. Kevin then took me to dinner and a movie. I love that man; he was just doing something to keep me occupied. He feels so helpless when this happens to me. All he wants to do is take care of me and he does not understand all this. Well, I do not understand it either. I hate it! I hate having to take medications! The truth is I do have to take medication for diabetes and panic attacks. So I will.
I know I am a Christian woman and know that Jesus died for me but I am also a real human with real flaws. Some days these flaws show through. Please forgive me Lord for my flaws and help me to be more and more like You.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Wow! My life is changing. I was once a young and healthy woman...Now I am a middle-aged woman with health problems. My house was full of noise with my kids running around and they are grown and have moved out with families and lives of their own. Empty Nest they call it. I understand this because my nest is definitely empty most of the time. I have more time with my husband which is great we have a wonderful relationship and love to spend time together. I have terrific grandchildren; tomorrow I will have one more and another in December. I absolutely love spending time with them...problem is they all live so far away. I seem to have a but with every positive in this scenario. I am not sure I like change. I like boring. I like normal every day nothing out of the ordinary. I am not a fan of surprises. Well not bad surprises. I mean I love getting presents. I 'm talking about the kind of surprises that stun you.....but then again I guess no one is really a fan of bad surprises. Anyhow...I am trying to cope with all the change in my life. I am afraid I am not doing such a great job. As a Christan I should be able to handle change by depending on God. Problem is as my human self I tend to turn away from God turn into my self. "Pout" my grandmother called it. Trouble is I know I do this and yet I do it again and again. Ok so isn't noticing you have a problem the first step to curing it or taking care of it. Well, Ok, I know I am a poor pitiful sinner! I know God sent His son to die for me because i am a poor pitiful sinner. I have excepted this fact many years ago. So why do I fall into the same old behavior when dealing with change. Change should be a good thing. I should look at change as an adventure and use it to better the kingdom of God. This my prayer for my life since change is evident and expected that I will use every change as a means to praise my Lord and Saviour.

Friday, July 9, 2010

When I least expect it

I have never said I was a brave person, but I think I am a confident person. I know who I am and I am OK with it. I have to say I do have issues with my weight which has given me diabetes but other than that I think I am OK. I am usually a go getter. I go where I want when I want. I think I am mostly a positive person and am able to get things done. Then from out of no where it happens. I get shaky, I have trouble catching my breath, I get pain in my arms that travels to my chest and the feeling of certain doom. PANIC ATTACK!!! I do not know why it happens, it just does. It started about 3 years ago. My doctor put me on medication and told me I would not have to be on the medication for ever. SO after several months, I was feeling better and I got off the meds just like the doctor told me to I weaned off and everything was fine for a few months. Then it happened again. SO she started the meds again. This last time I came of the meds I had been sick for three days and not able to take anything by mouth so I did not have the meds for days and we thought OK so lets stop this medication now. Well about two weeks ago it happened again; after the initial panic attack it seems I panic more about having another panic attack. I even get shaky about it and want to hide in my bed. I have to force myself to get out of bed and move. I am OK when on the meds, I just need to reserve myself that I have to take this medication or have these attacks. So I am taking meds so I do not have panic attacks any more and I will for the rest of my life, because I will not suffer form this forever. It takes away who I am. It makes me afraid of everything. All I want to do is stay in my bed, and that is no way to live.
I am a firm believer that God has allowed us to make the modern marvels of medication that we have to combat the ills of the world.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Counting my Blessings

I have been posting my rants lately so i wanted to post some positives and count my blessings.

  1. I have a awesome saviour who loves me enough to die for me and because of Him I am free.
  2. I have a terrific husband ...He is my other half...perfectly matched for me. he protects me from what ever and mostly from myself..
  3. I have two terrific children....
  4. I have a terrific son and daughter in law...I could not have picked better matches for my kids.
  5. I have GRANDCHILDREN!!!!! and I am going to get more!!!! Right now my Ethan is 4, he is so sweet and smart, my Asher,he is adorable and ready to move...soon, very soon Remy will be here, I can't wait to meet him and in December another new grand...
  6. I have a career I love... the job gets me down sometimes but I love what I do.
  7. Kevin has a good job...with chance for advancement and many sites
  8. We have a nice home and can afford to run it..
  9. I am relatively healthy....I have a few health problems but they are manageable
  10. Kevin, my kids, their spouses and children are all healthy
  11. My parents are great...after a nasty divorce God worked magic and now I have 3 terrific parents....I love them all...
  12. There are many many more and I thank the Lord for all my blessings!!!!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

I should have known

I have never been the kind of person who thinks I should be married to my job. I do have a good career and want to further my career but not at the expense of my life and family.They have always been first and work second. I changed from working the day shift to the night shift because of my health. I am a diabetic as many of you know and it is just much easier to control my blood sugars working the night shift because it is not as fast paced as the day shift. I can take my medicine and eat meals at regular intervals. I talked to my boss about this and she agreed that I should do whatever I needed to to be healthy. Next my son and his family are coming in for one weekend next month; I requested it off. I put in the paperwork needed. I am working on Friday. This is bad because they come in early Friday spend the Friday and Saturday and then leave early Sunday morning. SO working Friday night takes literally both days away from me. When I saw this along with the fact that a day shift had been thrown in there I was soo mad I could not talk. I must have looked the part to because several people asked me if I was ok; I told them I was just upset about the schedule and could not say anything more. I actually had a lump in my throat when talking to them.
My biggest prolem is I have been a nurse for 14 years. I have paid my dues with working flip flop days/nights in the same week schedules. I have worked every holiday, I have worked the crappy schedules. I think I should be able to claim something for that siniorty! Most of the floor are new nurses who have been nurses for less that 1-2 years and they cry and complain when they do not get their way so they get their way! I am sorry it is not FAIR!!!! I do not cry and complain I usually go with the flow and do what needs to be done but this time I am just mad about it!
I am sorry this is not my usual chipper self posting. I am upset and need to vent and this is my forum. I am going to send a email to my boss and the schedule maker and let them know I can only work one shift and since night sshift is working for my health that is the shift I want to work and since there are openings on that shift I do not see a problem with this since I talked to my boss about it before and she agreed. If I need to get a doctors excuse stating this I am sure I can.
Thank you for letting me vent my frustration.

Monday, June 21, 2010

I took some pictures today

Just a few pictures from around the house. First is a magnolia tree bloom. I love magnolias. I will try to get a picture of a full bloomed one too.I like this tree thought it was pretty.

This is a flower hanging on my porch.

This is from the rose bushes in my front yard.

I have always loved just taking pictures. I think the beauty around us shows us the glory of God. He gave us beauty all around us. I love taking pictures of this beauty. I will share from time to time. I actually want to make a few scrapbooks when I get my room ready. Tomorrow I am headed to the beach maybe I will get some good pictures there.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Random Thoughts

These are random thought that have been swimming round in my head and now it time to get out there. Just get them out of my head.
  • I have been listening to the book Eat, Pray, Love. (I listen to books on my ipod while I am driving the radio gets so boring sometimes.) Anyhow I have been listening to this book and it is just a rambling of one woman's journey over a year. It is quite boring sometimes. It has just been making me think I could do this. I could write a book. That is mainly why I started my other blog to write short stories and poems. I think I might spend some time writing over the summer.
  • I have had some issues with the not so nice part of the family again. It amazes me why people are so mean. It makes me mad and it also makes sad. I get mad because they think the things the do to get back at me are really just hurting my grandmother. I think mean evil thoughts like God please make them pay and then I think what miserable lives they must have to keep up all this meanness.
  • For years I have been looking forward to this or to that and going about my days. I know God has plans for me in the future; I have decided not to live in the future. This is going to be a hard one. I actually live my life on my calender. I have events or something planned at least until the end of the year. I don't think I will stop planning. I will just stop obsessing and live for today. I am, going to totally enjoy this summer. O I will be running from coast to coast to see y new grand son but I will be having fun!
  • I FINALLY GRADUATED!!! School is over I am waiting to get my degree in the mail. I did not walk. Now I have the whole summer off before I start the masters program. I know finally what i want to do I want to be a Clinical Nurse Specialist that way I can still do the work I love helping patients and staff in a cancer setting. I am also going to get certified in cancer, oncology,. The test for that is in November but I have to apply by July 7.

I could probably write more and may do that soon but it is time to go to bed. Good night all.

Monday, June 14, 2010

My body is getting older

I sometime feel much older than I am. I sometimes feel much younger than I am. My mind sometimes thinks I am still a young 20 something then I wake up and my body reminds me I am not. I woke up yesterday morning feeling a bit shaky, I looked at the number on the glucometer and it was low. I ate quickly to get the number up and the shakiness continued. When this happens I feel my insides shaking. I literally feel my whole insides shaking. I try to get passed it and I can not; no matter what I try to do I feel the shaking inside. So I reteat and head back to bed. When I am in my bed and sleeping I do not have to deal with it. My body will adjust itself as I sleep and the world passes me by.

I know who I am and how old I am. I also know the Lord loves me. When I have moments like that above I can not think passed the black whole that my feeling put me in. But I know "the show must go on" to quote Freddie Mercury of Queen (now I am really showing my age). SO today is a new day. I got read my devotion for the day in Psalm 113 where David talks about being in the pit and trusting in God to get him through. So today I will trust Him and He will keep me going.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Every time I visit home

Every time I visit home I am so homesick. I would move back tomorrow if I could and I do not know why this happened all the sudden. I have been away from Pittsburgh for 14 years. Maybe it is because my grandma is getting so old and is in a home. Maybe its because my kids are grown and not coming back to South Carolina. Maybe its because Maybe its because my dad will not be coming down for a few months in the winter time any more.I do not know why all I know is I am sooo homesick. I look at houses all over town and think we could live there. But Kev would need to leave the company he is with now and that would not be a wise idea. But maybe, we can get close.......
That is what I am praying for these days.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

God is Good ALL the Time

Just a note to add to the last post read it first!
The young girl I spoke of let me pray with her this morning and she excepted the Lord!!!!!!

I am human I make mistakes but God is Greater!

Last night was a very busy night at work. I did take a few minutes to blog but the rest of the night I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I had two admissions, along with my three original patients. MY first admission was a young lady who was in a lot of pain, and needed bunches of attention. I was trying to make sure I took care of my patients and got everything done. When morning came I gave report and had a feeling I forgot something,but was soo tired and worn out I could not even think of what it was. On the ride home I realized I forgot to chart on a patient. OOPS!! In nursing we have to chart an assessment (check up) every shift it is the divine rule of nursing!! Another rule in nursing is "if it is not charted it is not done!" SO naturally I was upset by this but half way home I could do nothing and knew I was coming back in tonight so I could back time the note and chart tonight for the work I did last night. Problem is the nurse who picked up the patient told my boss I did not chart on 2 patients actually! I had thought I only missed one. I was feeling sorry for my self and beating myself up because I got an email from my boss to come see her about the issue. A little while after I was walking down the hall still beating myself up for being "stupid bad nurse who does not do her job" I heard my name being called from a patients room. It was the sister of a patient I had taken care of a few years back. She was now a patient and with the same cancer her sister had died from. She told me her son had recognized me. This son had also taken care of her sister when she was sick. I sat and talked to her a while. She was such a blessing to my heart. Just when I was feeling like I was a horrible bad nurse God let this woman tell me how much I had done for her sister and that they would always remember me and she prayed for me always! She got me up to speed on her own illness and told me how her son was doing a wonderful job of taking care of her now. Then I told her to get some rest and I would stop back in the morning to see her before I go.

A little while later, my patient the young girl with the pain from the night before called me to her room. We talked a bit, I gave her pain medications she ask for. While we were talking I noticed she had a book from Max Lucado on her bed. I told her I like his writings and she told me her mom had given her the book and told her if she read it she would give her $50. The book is Fearless. I told her in the book he refers to the bible a lot and if she wanted to I would get her a bible to look up the scripture. (This young girl is in a tough place right now. She is sick in the hospital but after she is wheel she has signed herself in to a detox for drugs and alcohol.) I looked at the nurses station where I have seen bibles before and could not find one. I carry a new testament with psalms in my purse. It is a little thing a patient gave me a few years ago. The writing is so tiny I can not read it anymore so I took it in to her. She thanked me several times in just the few minutes I stood in the room. I went in to check on her later and she was sleeping with the bible in her hands. The last time I gave her pain meds she told me she feel asleep with the bible and thanked me again. She said she could tell from how it was worn that I had it a while and it must be special to me. I told her I got it from a patient a few years ago. She thanked me again for giving her my special bible.
When I have time at night when I work I go for a walk and stop by the chapel to spend some quiet time for God. Tonight when I stopped I had some special prayers of thanks for my God who wanted me to know this is exactly where I should be right now and exactly want He wants me to be doing.

Friday, June 4, 2010

I chose the High Road

Today, actually yesterday was a crazy day. It is 4am now on Friday. It was Thursday that was crazy. Early Thursday am I was sitting here at work. I had a few minutes so I checked my facebook. I got a new message, I went to look to see who it was from and my heart sunk. It was from my cousin, who's mom has been stirring things up where my grandmother is concerned. Before I even read the message I got a sick feeling in my stomach. Once I read it I knew why. It was mean and vicious and actually at one point threathening stating I should not even attempt to go to my grand mother's funeral. SHE IS NOT EVEN DEAD YET!!!!!

I stewed about it, my stomach grew sicker. I forwarded it to my family for some assistance. Census in the family was to do this or that. I went home and went to bed and tried to sleep so I could come to work tonight. It took a while but I finally did sleep. When I woke I found the family to still be stirring about this. Apparently he can not ban me from the funeral home, church service or grave yard service no matter who pays for the funeral. I found out my nephew (actually my cousin's son the sister of the message sender) got a letter himself only his was a little more threatening. My nephew sent me a message on how to report this person for sending a message like this on facebook and block him from seeing anything I ever do on facebook myself. So I did this. As for what else I was going to do. I gave it much thought. The message was ugly and mean; every part of me wanted to scream back, punch back or defend myself. There was a smaller voice inside telling me to take the high road and not even acknowledge this craziness. That is what I chose to do. I will not acknowledge this person, as far as I am concerned I can no longer hear this person or the evil venom he spews. I will honor my grandmother while she is alive and after she dies and not do anything to disrupt the her memory. She is a wonderful lady and has been the best grandmother a girl could have. So I chose the high Road. As the old saying goes "the squeaky wheel gets all the attention." I choose not to squeak, so the attention will not be on me.