Monday, August 27, 2007

What happened?

How did this happen? I am taking care of my mom. Well, my mom is now living in my house, with my grandmother. Mom takes great care of my grandmother but she can not seem to take care of herself. She is depressed. She cries all the time. This is not the mother I remember.
I remember my mom being strong in the face of anything. My mom and dad divorced when I was 11 or 12. We did have some crying sessions in the basement of the home we lived in, but then my mom got strong. She went to school to become a beautician and became a single working mom of four girls. I was the oldest my youngest sister was two. She was the strength that held us together. Then she met another man who would eventually became her husband my step dad. After a few years of marriage when it was evident my step dad was an alcoholic, my mom who had grown up with an alcoholic dad, did not want the same for us. She now became a single mom again this time of six children when she divorced my step dad. My grandfather, her dad, died during this time, mom was close to him. Just to prove how strong she was she did his hair for his funeral. She had always done it when he was alive and wanted it to be like it always had. I had moved out of the house by then but she sometimes worked two jobs to make sure my brothers and sisters were taken care. After a few years when my step dad wised up and got clean and sober they remarried. These were not easy years either. The mills closed down my step dad could not find work. The moved to Maine to start over and help him have a fresh start and new job. He had several jobs here and there, mom worked two jobs to keep the family going. May 17, 1990 ( I think that was the year), my step dad was training for a new job, he got sick and died suddenly of a massive heart attack. My mom was left alone again this time with two teen age boys who had just lost their father. She stuck it out until my brothers were both over 18 and could care for them selves then she came back home because my grandmother, her mother, was was going to have some kind of surgery. Mom stepped right in and became the care taker for my grandmother. I love my grandmother dearly but she was not always a nice woman. She was mean to my mom. After one such time when my grandmother had been in the hospital for some kind of surgery; we were going on a family reunion vacation, we had one every year. This year mom took care of it. The vacation was great we had a wonderful time, but mom was stressed to the max. She was taking care of my grandmother after her surgery, she made a mistake while figuring money for the vacation, and owed $1000.00. Instead of telling us and splitting it like we always did she hid it and put it on her credit card.
After the vacation, my son went home with mom they were going to have a great time. While unpacking the van, my mom became very confused. She did not know my sister, my son, was talking complete gibberish. She ended up in the hospital of what would be a long battle until my mom was diagnosed with blackout migraines. Since then she has had problems off and on, like were her and my grandmother were arguing, or something stressful would happen. Slowly we have ended up to where we are now. Last year was a doosey, around the first of the year my sister had a hysterectomy because of a hemorrhage, the same year in November we got a call that the same sister was rushed to the hospital they did not expect her to live she had an aneurysm burst in her brain. All they family rushed to her side and miraculously she recovered. PRAISE THE LORD!! The beginning of the next year my youngest brother had problems with alcohol which lead to violence and trouble with the police. My grandmother was forgetting more and more she would forget little things, then yell at my mom because she did not remember. Actually the more she forgot the nicer she has got.
In May my mom came down to SC for my son's wedding and when it was time to go home she had a total breakdown. I was supposed to take her and my grandmother to the airport, I got up early and went to mom's room and she was awake and crying she ask me if she could stay and not go home. I told her they could stay as long as she wanted, my husband confirmed this. After three months she decided to retire and move here. Everyone was OK with this until my grandmother stated she wanted to stay with my mom where she went. This led to an uproar in my aunt's family, my mom's sister. They could not take care of my grandmother themselves but did not want her moved away. We tried to tell them she needs total care and they did not want to hear it. They focused in on a trouble maker neighbor of my grandmother who told lies about who we had planned for a long time to take away my grandmother. Then barraded my mom with terrible emails and text messages telling her how she was never any good and it was terrible thing she was doing.
Which leads us to now. My mom at my house taking care of my grandmother crying everyother day. Asking "Did I do the right thing?" "Should I take her back there?" "What am I supposed to do now?"
My advise tonight was to STOP thinking about the past! FOCUS on the future! START taking baby steps to take back her life! Not to think of herself as anything but the wonderful person she is, the one who my grandmother chose to take care of her. The person my grandmother trust enough to take complete and total care of her. The one my grandmother says of her "I will go where ever she goes because she takes care of me."

Sunday, August 26, 2007

I think I did make the right decision

Today, I think I did make the right decision at least my family has told me I did. My husband told me this afternoon before leaving for work that he thinks I made the right decision. My step mom, a wonderful woman told me she thinks I made the right decision. According to my family they think it will be better on my health to work day shift normal hours. I do agree with that. I have diabetes and have recently was diagnosed with a complication of diabetes gastroparesis. I have to keep my blood sugar in check. While I am working the night shift I get my self all off schedule with meals and I eat late at night when I am working then my body expects to have the same amount of food in the night when I am not working. An all day job I could get on a schedule of when to eat and when to stop eating. That way my fasting blood sugar will be good.
This will be my mission once the day shift job starts. I'll keep y'all posted.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Did I make the right decision?

I have never been in this situation before. I have a full time job that I like, everything is going good. Everyone in a while I would think do I want to do this forever? DO I want to go back to work at the hospital or stay here. Then without even looking a job comes looking for me. I worked in a GYN ONC clinic and loved my job about two to three years ago. The job became more and more stressful and at the time my daughter had just got married and my son was starting college. The work never seemed to get done, but I loved what I did. Finally I had to quit, the stress level was higher and higher and I just wasn't happy any more. After being gone for two years a few other people have taken the job to find out the same thing I did, very stressful and quit. Now they have broken the job down into three different jobs and have contacted me to see if I want one of the jobs. The pay I found out this week is great, I would not loose anything. The benefits are definitely better there. The problem is I now work 3 12 hour shifts night shift, this job would be 5 days a week 8 hours a day.
I have pretty much decided to take the job now I just have to formalize things. I am still torn between the two jobs though, did I make the right decision? I will soon find out and I will let you know

Monday, August 20, 2007

Can a family member also be a friend??

I thought I had a good thing going for 40 some years my best friend has been my first cousin. She is how I met my husband. Her husband and mine were best friends since 7th grade when I met my husband in 1978. We did everything together. They got married, we got married. They had a children we had children. When our kids were little we spent all of our off time together and then we talked on the phone when we were not together. Our kids grew up, we moved to different parts of town and didn't spend as much time together anymore, but we had a special bond because we were family. I was a little hurt when we moved to the country and we did not see each other as much, and I was always the one calling but I didn't let it ruin my friendship. When the family had get togethers we were thick as theives because we had a special thing. We promised each other in high school we would never let family things come between us.
My husband's job moved us to South Carolina from Pittsburgh, PA. That is when the real seperation started. We would call or email when we both got computers once every couple months, or call once every couple months. But the friendship never really was the same as it was back then......
My mom and her mom are sisters, there is only the two of them and my grandmother who my mom has been taking care of for 13 years. You see when life got in the way of us it also got in the way of her and my grandmother. She used to, when the kids were young visit my grandmother every week and call all the time, then the calls and visits got less frequent just like they did with me.
Recently my mom retired, she moved to South Carolina because she wanted my mom to take care of her. My aunt has some medical problems and agreed she could not take care of my grandmother. My mom and grandmother moved in with me. While this was going on a nosey neighbor of my grandmother started spreading lies about how my mom and I lied to my grandmother and everyone just to take my grandmother away. NONE OF THAT IS TRUE!!! I HAVE NEVER LIED TO MY COUSIN, AUNT MOTHER OR GRANDMOTHER!
My cousin, who is supposed to know me and be my best friend chose to believe the lies. When I asked if she was mad at me for some reason she returned the email with rude, ruthless things about my mom. Stating she was dissappointed in me because I lied. I DID NOT!
The things she said were so mean and hurtful I do not think infact I know it will never be the same between us. I am hurt! My husband tells me not to let this bother me but I can not help it it HURTS! I did not think we would end up like this family members who see each other at weddings and funerals and talk about old times. I thought we had a special friendship because we were family members and we would always be friends first. I guess I lived in a fantasy world. That is so sad to me. My heart is broken and I am truely sad.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

What to do??

I am a nurse who works in a small hopice center. We have 20 beds so we can have 20 patients at a time. We are usually staffed with 3-4 RNs and 2-4 CNAs. Recently our director, not a medical person, has deceided to bring some LPNs in to the center because of cost. Our issues are this as RNs we can do a lot, LPNs have restrictions espicially when it comes to IV meds. They can not do them. So what that means is I as the RN would have to do all my patient care and give IV meds to the LPNs patient. Somehow that does not seem fair to me. What do you think?
When we started we said we would be staffed with only RNs now we have this going on. I know I sound like I am just whining but, this person they hired has been stirring things up also. SO not only do we have the first issue now we have this person (LPN) who is causing a comotion where there was none. We were working fine together and now she has stirred up some s&^%^#@#@, if you know what I mean. I am going to go for now I will write more later.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Why is there always someone at work to cause trouble???

Why is it that where ever you work or what ever you do there is always someone who has to be a trouble maker? I am an RN in a hospice center, I have worked the night shift here for a few months full time weekends. Recently a LPN has come to work nights with us because she did not like the day shift nurses who she says treated her badly. She has been on our shifts for about a month. Last week I asked if I could work a day or two before I am scheduled to go on vacation. The person incharge of the schedule told me to take her day because it was overtime for her it would not be for me since I was going on vacation that week. I got a call last night from one of my coworkers saying she (the lpn) had changed the day and also had some stuff to say about me. Something to the fact of she has been watching me and the days I have worked. I could scream!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
What business is it of anyone when and where I work and who does this person think she is talking trash about me behind my back!!!!!!
It never seems to fail when you think things are going good there is always someone to try to mess it up. Ya know! Just needed to vent that. I feel better now.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Hello Blogging world

My First Blog
My First Blog Hello to the blogging world. This is my first blog. I am a white american christain woman. I am happily married mother of grown married twins, boy and girl. I have a grandson who is the greatest. I love Jesus and my family more than anything. I am conservative in my views. Just wanted a space I could voice my opinions and thoughts.

Tuesday 7/17/07

Hello Its Tuesday July 17,2007
Hello Its Tuesday July 17,2007 Tuesday the first real day of my week. I work weekends as a nurse on the night shift, so Monday is mostly a blurr for me. Anyhow how am I today? I am good. My mom and grandmother are now on their way back home to Pgh, PA to tie up loose ends and then they will move back here with me. I was sad this morning because my grandmother was crying. She thinks she is going home to go into a nursing home because my mom is retiring and moving here. I assured her she wil be back on my porch in a couple weeks. She said "OK". But some how I think she still has the nursing home thought in her mind. Why you may ask. Well some of they family who live up there are raising cane about her moving. Here is my problem. I live 800 miles away in SC and I see her more than some of those who live up there. Thry say they miss her yet haven't seen her since Christmas so they can miss her just as much if she is here and happy with me and my mom.I just had to share those thoughts. I'll share more later
by beckymc


My First Blog
by beckymc
1 – 2 of 2