Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Evil Eyes

I took a look on face book last night to see who I could find. I did a little searching into the past of people I once knew. It is then that I saw it and it brought chills down my spine. It was a blast from the past that I did not expect to find when I saw a profile picture and looked into those evil eyes. For a moment I froze as if I were a little girl and the evil eyes were looking at me. Quickly then I realized it was just a picture and I would not be effected by the force of the evil eyes. Strangely though I was drawn to them as if I had to know what evil they had done since I had seen them last. I looked at the friends of the evil eyes. I saw many people from the past, some whom I may not mind to say hello but would never get the chance. The evil eyes will keep me from those old friends I've known because I will never ever again look into those evil eyes.
Yet today I am strangely haunted by the memories of those eyes. Although I do not remember much I remember those evil eyes. The Lord is gracious and only lets us have what we can handle He knows the evil is in my past and I do not need to dwell. So what little I remember I will file back there again. Once I get it out of my head and out there away from me again. I will put it here and move on with the life the Lord has given me and know that I am safe from those evil eyes!

Thank you Lord for saving me!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Weighing the Pros and Cons

I have been thinking about everything lately I have been thinking about my health, my job and what to do with my life. I know I harbor on this it is because my perfect life situation would to be a grandma daycare. Spending my day with my family and grand kids and then I suppose knowing my self I would get bored with that also. Any how my diabetes has been a major issue lately. My blood sugars are out of control. The oral medication is not working at all and I have been taking insulin sometimes three times a day. (I hate that sooo much!) I have to find a way to gt control of this and I think my job situation is not helping. Right now away from home I can not get the doctor so she told me to use the insulin but when I get home we will have to get a better solution. The insulin helps bring down the blood sugar then I eat because I have to and it goes right back up! AARRGGHH!! But this is my life now I have to deal with it! I am trying it is not easy!
Anyhow because of the diabetes I have been thinking about my job and other decisions. When I am working a 12 hr day shift I have no time sit and eat. I usually rush through a meal that is not very good for me. So I thought maybe I should work the night shift. After all I do not sleep much at night anymore and maybe this could help all food venues would be closed and I would have to bring my lunches so I could pack good food, and nights are not as busy as days so maybe I can get some time to eat it. But then I do have one day when I am basically up for almost 16-20 hours trying to revert back and forth to life and work. Then I got a call from one of the girls I used to work with in the clinics a job is coming available. It is a coordinator job. The job is for a RN who would work in the mammo dept, Mon-Fri, 8-4:30. This RN would coordinate all the abnormal mammos, get the [patients back for their other views or biopsies then send them to the appropriate doctor for follow up. Great right?! Well working a Mon-Fri job while Kevin is not is kinda hard. He does have weekends off every four weeks for four weeks; and then the kids are not close so I will be traveling to see them periodically. Working three 12 hr shifts I do not have to take vacation time all the time working Mon-Fri I would have to take vacation time all the time. What to do? What to do? What to do?

I applied for the mammo coordinator job last night let some of the appropriate people know I applied, and now I am having second thoughts! What to do? What to do? What to do?
On the plus side for the mammo job I do love this kind of work it is more people orientated I will be helping people in different ways and not killing myself with floor nursing and all the craziness that comes with it.

Friday, April 23, 2010

My Intercessor

Have you ever gotten to your prayer place and forgot what it was you wanted to pray about? Or have soo much on your mind that you know you need to pray and talk to God but do not know where to start and what to say/ Have you ever just felt like you know you need God time but how and when are a mystery to you?
Well I have to say sometimes my life gets so busy that I do not know if I have time to fit anything in. I know I need to have a quiet time with God but when do I do that? I could get up early in the morning but that would take away sleep time I do not have. I could pray before I go to bed but then I fall asleep before I finish my list of what I think I need to pray about.
Isn't it great that God knows us so well that He sent Jesus to be our intercessor our go-between for Him. He also left us with The Holy Spirit who is that inner voice that tells us "You need to pray" or read or spend time with God. My devotion for today is from Hebrews 7:11-28. In verse 25 it says "he is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them." That is the nature of my savior He is always there for me even when I do not know what I need. He is there. How wonderful our Lord is He knows me so well. He knows I sometimes get so busy I can not even think of what to pray so my savior is there to help me with the words I do not even know I have.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

My Plans /Gods Plans

As everyone I have plans for my life. I want to finish school and move on with my career. I want to help cancer pateints with their illnesses. I want to be there to help them to get through their disease. Thats what I want for my career. For my life I want to be in a family that is close. I want to be part of a family who loves spending time together. I want to be the grandma where the grandkids come to spend the night and watch movies laying on the livingroom floor, I want to be the one who has the home where everybody comes for Sunday dinner. (Of course someone else may have to cook...but) I want to take my grandkids to the park just because I wanted to see them today. I want spend time with my dad or my mom whenever I want or when they want me. I want to live close enough to my family so I can be with them on holidays and birthdays and any old day when I want. But what does God want? I live in South Carolina. My family lives in Pittsburgh, my daughter lives in Oregon, my son now lives in Greenville and is moving to Raliegh-Durham. My brother lives in Maine. My family is all spread out. I hate it but what does God want? Will I ever move back home and be close to all my family? Will my kids move closer to me? Will I move to Ohio, West Virginia, Pennsylvinia? O so many questions. What is God's plan for me? I get so home sick when I am in Pittsburgh. I want to live close to home again. I look at houses for sale and think I can live there. I have searched the jobs in Ohio, West Virginia and home, I know I can work anywhere. If we move it all deprnds on where Kevin can get a job because he is too young to retire. He needs to do work some where, any where.
So what do I do do we take a leap? The housing market is bad right now will we be able to sell our house? Where should we leap to? Hmmm decisions, decision, decisions. What o what Lord should I do now?
For now I will continue in the life which the Lord has made for me. He makes sure I am where I need to be when I am needed there. My dad's brother died today. I was here with my dad. That is what the Lord does for me. I thought I was coming home because my grandmother was in the hospital and not doing well and she was but she is doing ok and now back in her nursing home. I get time to visit my grandmother, and spend with my dad in his tme of need , with my mom, my sisters, my cousin (who was my best friend in a former life we lost each other but God help us find each other again). I am going to see my daughter next month after going to a conference that my work is paying for. The nursing organization I belong to is paying for my flight. So basically I am going to see my daughter and her family for free. That can only come from the Lord because nothing is ever free in this life.
Soooo I will continue to follow the plan set out for me right now. I can't say I will not dream about the future because that would be a big fat lie. I will continue to follow the Lord. I am not the best with reading the word every day. I can't say I am the best at praying for others every day. But one thing I know I am a child of God a Christ follower. God sent His son to die for me and will lead me where He wants me to be if I am willing............

I am willing.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Burning Bush

I was supposed to be working today. I tried to switch with several people but no one could do it this week. I was feeling a very deep need to be off today to go to my friend memorial service. The census on the floor was low, too many nurses were scheduled. I called my boss yesterday to see if I could get off to go to the service. She said I could be on call. hat meant "yes!" I am off. I got up this morning thinking about the service as I got ready for church. I was feeling kind of lazy so I did this and that on the computer as I ate breakfast. Realized time was getting away from me and hurriedly got ready for church and ran out the door. I was actually 30 minutes early. I spent some time looking over a few things I had in my bible and waited for the service to start. It did right on time. The music was great! Then the pastor got up to speak. It was then that the Lord started speaking to my heart. He revealed to me how a certain person in Show Christ love to those whom I do not like or feel comfortable with.
Then of course I started thinking about my own problems with my blood sugars, work, time and school. Then the pastor said something amazing to me ( not to me literally but to the congregation). How can I develop compassion? how do we develop compassion towards people? He lead us to 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of all mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings from Christ are ours in abundance so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.
The Burning Bush! God never called me to a life of wonderful happiness and bliss. He called me to follow Christ! "Take up my cross and follow Christ". How am I to know how to show compassion if I am not comforted by the God who I am following. He never said follow me and you will be healthy, wealthy and wise. He called me to be a witness to the world of His love and compassion. I will have struggles in my life with my health, job, school and whatever how do I choose to follow Him in that struggle and how will I show His compassion to others!

Wow, like I said I thought I needed to be off today to go to my friends memorial which I am headed to in a few minutes but now I am thinking maybe God wanted me to be at Pointe North Community Church today so He could reveal the burning bush to me!

Friday, April 9, 2010

Where do I go from here?

Now that the Lord has made known that His plan is not the same as mine was. Actually I do not think it is a complete about face. I just think the Lord was heading me in a different direction. Had I gone to school here at MUSC I would have had to stay here for 2 or more years to finish school. But by going to school on the Internet at the same school I am going to now. I can move to where ever the Lord wants me to go. The question is where do I go? What do I do? Some times I wish the plan would be in a book that was sitting beside my bed when I get up in the morning saying "Becky do this today." I wish I could see a burning bush sometimes but then again if I did would I believe it? I am a selfish, self centered how would I know the plan was from God and would I follow it/
SO now here I am waiting for God to lead me to the next step. My prayer is I follow the plan when it is laid out before me.

Monday, April 5, 2010

This and That and what now

Spring break for me is over now but I had a wonderful time. My son and his family came down Thursday night I and I spent two glorious days with my wonderful son, his beautiful wife and my adorable grandson. He is at such a fun age he is walking all around and laughs at everything. It was terrific. The sad part was they had to leave yesterday. It is soo hard. They live with her parents so I do not get to see them as much as I like because I have to rent a hotel room every time I go up there so even though they live only three hours a way I only see them every few months. But the Lord is working in their lives. My son has applied to seminary for the fall. He is praying to get excepted. They go to tour the campus this month. If he is excepted they will have a place of their own and even thoough it is a few more hours away (5) I can go and visit and sleep on their couch. I am excited for their future; the Lord has plans for these two I just know it.
My daughter's pregnancy is coming along well. She has had some cramping but nothing major and it goes away if she SITS down. The baby is a boy and his name will be Remmington William. Remmington my son in law picked out and William is my dad's name they will call him Remy. He is due July 20. I am going to visit in May; I have a nursing conference in San Diego; since I am on that side of the country I will go to see them while I am there. I will get paid to go to the conference so I do not have to take vacation to visit. I can save my vacation for my new grandson. I will go for just a few days when he is born and then Sharon would like me to come in October when her maternity leave is over so he can stay out of daycare for a few more weeks. My son in law should graduate with his associates degree in criminal justice so he will have a degree and experience for a police job. He is applying for 8 different jobs this week. Praying he gets one.'
Kevin is doing good. He gets mad at himself because he forgets things and sometimes drops things. I keep trying to him it is nothing but he gets all upset and looses his patience. Otherwise he is doing good keeping himself busy building and yard stuff around the house when he is not hunting or working.
Me, I got some distrubing news over the weekend. i was not excepted into the School of Nursing at MUSC (Medical University of SC) where I have worked for the past 9 years. It was like a punch in the jaw. I want to find out why but then wonder so I really want to know. I am applying to the school I go to now also but I kinda wanted to go where I work ya know. But Giod has other plans. Just not quite sure what they are right now.