Sunday, July 16, 2017

Dear John

Dear John,

I can't believe it has been 9 months since your gone. I never thought this would happen. Our hearts are broken. I know we sometimes didn't talk for a little while but not this long. We are all trying to get on with our lives, but you were such a vital part of our lives we don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. Who am I supposed to talk to to help me make sense of our crazy family? It's been you for so long. Who is supposed to put funny pictures on Facebook or crazy comments on my posts? Other's try but there are not you. Who is supposed to help me keep this family together without letting me get in too deep? Who is supposed to keep us laughing when things look dim?

It's so hard! I can not imagine what we will do for the rest of our lives without you here.  Everyone is feeling the pain. I know it is not just me. We are all broken without you!
People say time will heal your wounds but time is only making us miss you more! I have big changes going on in my life right now and I need to talk to my little-big brother! I miss you so much! Only you knew what to say with the exactly right humor to help every situation feel better. You could let me know when I was being ridiculous in such a way that I would end up laughing at myself. You did that John!! I need that NOW!!! I need that now!! I want to hear your voice! I want to hear you say my name "Beck!".

Everyday I think of things I should, could or want to tell you. I want to talk to you about our little brother who is making some bold moves now. He misses you too. We all do! I have a new home now in our home town, you would love it! I wish you could see it. In my heart I know you do but.....
Our little brother is going to take a big step on his own tomorrow as I leave to go on a vacation with my son, I know he wishes he could talk to you about it, but...

The craziest part of all is we never saw this coming! I am so glad that I went on that vacation last year because I go to spend so much time with you and get so many hugs! I look back now and cherish every moment!
I think I will miss you as long as I am alive! I am not sure how this gets better. People say its gets better with time, maybe it does but I do not see it!

I will love you for the rest of my life until I see you again in eternity.
Your sister

Saturday, February 4, 2017

CH- CH- CH- Changes

2017 brings changes a new job, a new city, a new home, a house for sale. Many changes. I got a position I had wanted for a long time. It is exactly the position I went to school to do. I am loving it! What I am not loving is selling and buying a home. The position is in another state. It is great because it is back home. Yes, I get to move home!! But, all the work that comes with it is trying. At times very over whelming. Yesterday we got an offer on our home in Ohio. It was very low, so we countered. Now we are waiting. (I hate waiting!) My hubby and I went to look at a few houses today. One potential house but it still had some quirks. Do I want to live there for the rest of my life. I am not sure. So today I am a little frustrated and perplexed.
You see I believe this is a God thing. I believe this is all his plan and He has the right house for us somewhere. It is my problem I do not like to wait.
I also do not like to be separated from my husband. I am staying with my sister and my hubby is staying at our home in Ohio. He is in for the weekend with our dogs at his brother's house. We have very spoiled labs.
So, I just needed to get all this off my chest and put it out there so I can get it out of my head.
And so its here........