Morning SIckness??

HMMMM! Is it morning sickness or just something I ate the night before? Was my blood sugar high because I ate too much the night before? This morning I woke up terribly nauseated and ---. You get the picture. As I sat on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet my husband after checking on me to see if I was OK said. "Maybe its morning sickness and you are pregnant,hahahaha!" After I could move I went back into bed called work because I was supposed to go in a few hours later and told them and also left a message for my boss. That was about 6am, I was due in at 11. I feel back to sleep. About 9am my boss called to check on me; she also joked maybe its morning sickness we will have a shower for you. Ha ha ha I laughed and feel back to sleep after the call. I woke a few hours later actually feeling better. I made a cup of tea and drank it with no problems. Then my crazy old menopausal mind started to wonder........what if I was pregnant??....how would that happen since I have had a hysterectomy???? Why it would be a miracle....that meant if I was pregnant then this child would be a special gift from God......First of all I do not have the parts is that even possible??? Anything is possible with God!! Second I am too old I will be 49 in a few months.....That does not matter to God.....I take medications what if I had a child with a handicap such as downs syndrome??? Well, if God gave me a child with handicaps there would be a reason and I would do what I needed to do......CRAZY TALK!!!!! YOU OLD FOOL!!!
But what if it was not crazy???? I feel perfectly fine now!!!
HMMMMM! Just crazy random thoughts from a menopausal woman who woke up nauseated!

A Night at the Beach

Every once in a while it is good to get away from home to a place where I can relax and rejuvenate. I do this when my parents come to the beach. I often come here just sit around with them and talk or go for walks with my step mom. When I am here I can sit on the patio and listen to waves on the beach or go into my room open the window and listen to the waves. I love these times with them. Maybe it is not for the relaxation that I come but to share the company of my dad and my step mom. They are both very special to me. I love spending time with them and just talking or watching TV. It is a great escape for me.
Life can get me down by the many things I commit to do. I have a problem with saying No sometimes. So I busy myself with this and that and I tell myself I am working for the Lord or furthering my career. So I am so busy I do not have time to breathe. I do not want to be so busy that I miss moments with my family but I also want to work for the Lord. So lately I have been spending some time with God just spending time and trying to listen to the voice of my Lord as He leads me in life. As I sit here and listen to the ocean I want to thank my Lord and Savior for the the opportunity to spend time here at the beach with my wonderful dad and terrific step mom. I love them both more than I can say. Thank you Lord for letting them be a part of my life. I promise I will never take them for granted.

Dad's Birthday

Today was my dad's birthday. I have to tell you a bit about him because I think he is a special guy! He is 69 today. He is 20 years older than me, don't do the math yes I am that old now. Any how let me tell you about my dad. When I was growing up I considered myself Daddy's little girl and I still do today. If you ask any one they will tell you that. I have always been my dad's biggest cheerleader and will be. He is the reason why I am a Christian today. When I was a teenager I was awful. I did not like my step dad and told him everyday he was not my dad and many other not so nice things. I spent all my weekends with my dad step mom and step-sisters(actually they are just my sister but did not want to confuse anyone). When I was 17 I ran away from home after a fight with my sister (my same mom and dad sister) and moved in with my dad and his family; which at that time was my dad, step mom and step sister Ann(again just sister but well you get the picture). My dad and step mom were Christians. My sister and I were not. We were typical teenagers doing teenage things. Dad took us to church a few times and even took us to see a movie called The Rapture. Gotta tell ya that movie scared me to death. Especially when dad would come home and leave all the doors open and the car in the drive way and be no where to be found. My sister and I would FREAK.
My dad is a great man of God. He is honest and loving. He only wants the best for all of us, even my brothers who have a different dad. He loves them too. My husband has known him since he was 17 years old and considers him his dad too. He introduces him as his dad and mine. I am honored that God has given this man to me to teach me and lead me and my husband in the Christan faith.
We had a wonderful day. Dad and Barb came to church with us and we went to lunch with my sister's family(the sister who lives here by me. All together there are 8 of us my mom and dad had four girls; My step mom had two girls and my mom married and had two boys)
I just wanted to let everyone know how I have been blessed with this man in my life. He is my teacher, a great spiritual leader and most of all he is my Daddy and I love him very much.

Disappointed

I was supposed to be visiting with my son and his family. They were supposed to come down last night and spend the weekend. I was supposed to be playing with my grandson and listening to his cute giggle. But instead I am cleaning and doing laundry while Kevin is painting and spackling in the other room. It snowed in the upstate last night and is still snowing now. I do not want them to drive in the snow or on bad roads but I was really looking forward to it. It really makes me sad that my kids are both away. I wish they lived right down the street and I could visit when ever I wanted. I want the dream. I want my grand kids coming to my house just to spend the night because they want to. I want to play with them every day. I want to see them grow. My son's son started walking and I missed his first couple steps. It makes me sad. My daughter is pregnant and I want to babysit and spend time with my other grandson the big brother but they live all the way across the country. I try not to think about it too much because it makes me sad. This empty nest thing really has some low moments ya know. I even thought about maybe adopting a young child but my husband thinks I am crazy.
Any how I guess I will go to see what it going on maybe get some lunch since I did not eat any yet.

I have a problem

The first part to overcoming a problem or addiction is admitting it. Well that's what I am doing I have a problem with food. It is far worse than just needing to go on a diet. I am a diabetic and I am a nurse. I know the complications. I know the risks. Yet I still eat the wrong things and at the wrong times. Sometime before I even realize what I am doing I am eating something. It scares me sometimes really. I pray about it all the time and still I eat way too much. O not when everyone is looking or when there are people around but when I am alone late at night mostly.Kevin will go to bed and I will eat left over dinner at 11o'clock at night. Then I feel bad because I ate that late and before I know it I have eaten more. I even think about eating when I am trying to fall asleep. Thought of left over dinner, or a bowl of cereal, or just a piece of peanut butter toast will arouse me from a almost sleep state and I HAVE to get up and eat something. My blood sugars are not good. I am having to change my medication again.
last year at this time I was on a rigorous diet and exercise program. I lost 15 pounds then got sick and lost 15 more. 30 pounds! I have gained all but 5 pounds back. I need help but I do not know where to go. I have joined Curves but never go. I feel helpless!

Dear Lord, You know my heart and my desire to do this please help me to gain control of this and do what I need to do. I scared Lord. I need food to live but it seems i live to have food. It consumes my thoughts when I am alone. I want to be around to see my grandchildren graduate high school, get married and have children. I will not be there if I do not get this under control please help me.