Lost and Heartbroken.....wondering why and how this could happen

We lost our brother on Monday, he was only 41. Our hearts are broken, and we can't stop crying. He was an awesome guy, who loved his family!
 I was the oldest of 4 sisters, and when he was born I was 13 years old.  He was the first boy. I  thought it was awesome for my mom to have a baby when I was 13 year old; the fact that the new baby was a boy made it even better!
My wonderful brother was always a joy to our lives. He always made us laugh,  because he was a jokester from the beginning.
From a very early age John had ways to make everyone laugh; after all he had a captive audience of four sisters who just adored him. Eleven months and eleven days after he was born he would be joined by our youngest brother.  After the youngest was born, we became a family of six children born to my mom.  None of us were bothered by the fact that we had different fathers, we were siblings and we adored each other.  We were Family!
As John grew he became the big brother, even though all his sister were older than him. He loved taking on the role of big brother. I often called him my little-big brother. I remember an incident when he was just a teenager. My boyfriend at the time, who is now my husband, bought me a small golden cross with a chip of diamond in it. When my brother, John, saw it he told me there was a diamond in it, so my husband must have spent a lot of money on it; therfore I should make sure I took care of it.
Recently my daughter has been going through a bad divorce; at one point we thought we may have to get her and her boys away quickly to keep them safe. MY brother said they should come to be with him, because he would make sure they were taken care of. He even offered to go out to the west coast with my husband when he went to my daughters side for the first part of the divorce hearings.

He met his wife, my dear sister in law, when he was a teenager befriending her first.  The he proved the kind of man he was when they became a couple, because she was pregnant with my nephew.  John stepped in and took over the role of husband and dad from the moment they became a couple.  He became my nephews dad even though he was not his biological father, because that did't matter with him.  He was his father in every other sense of the word. My nephew is in college now and a brilliant young man.  My brother and his wife also have two beautiful daughters.   He was a terrific dad, husband, brother, and son!

John was also a prankster and loved to play pranks on all of us. There were many pranks over the years. I remember a family vacation when we all went to bed he lined all the door knobs with peanut butter. He also put plastic cups of water on the ceiling fan. We all saw them there, and told him about it. The problem was we did not move the cups, so when no one was paying attention, he silently turned on the fan. As a result he made it rain in the room causing all of us scream. He laughed so hard.
He loved food and cooking. He often showed his love for food by cooking for everyone; then he would post his masterpieces on Facebook.

He gave the world's best hugs! He could engulf you in his arms, and hold on to you so you felt totally loved in his arms. I could really use one of those hugs right now!

That was our brother. He loved us all so much, and all he wanted was for everyone to come to Maine. That way we would all be together. He bought a huge house so everyone could fit in it when we visited. The house he bought also had a separate house for our mom right next door.
The biggest regret we will all carry with us, is we were too late coming to his home.  We are all here now, in John's house, where we can see his touches in every room, but he is not here with us.

We are now and forever will be heart broken! We love you John Laurence Taylor III.  You will always and forever be our little-big brother! We are so sad, because you will not be in our world any more.  We look forward to seeing you again some day, but as long as we are in this world, we'll be missing you!

Life moves on and things change....some times great sometimes not so great

It's been kind of hard to keep up here and then I forgot how to log into the account which makes it even harder. I can't remember when I posted last. 
But the last year has brought a lot of change in our family. I had a surgery lost 95 pounds was cured of diabetes; Praise the Lord! That is one of the wonderful things that has happened. I graduated with my Master's degree in nursing, I recently we had a new addition to our family a new grandson! All wonderful! The not so wonderful a divorce in the family. That is not easy or wonderful at all.

As the mom and Memaw watching the ones you love suffer through this is not great at all. As I write this I am with those family members. My grandsons are watching some videos on the computer and my daughter is here too. The past year for them has not been easy at all. This divorce has been ugly and painful for all. It should all be over this week, hopefully. 

I am not writing today to go over any details or put any of their business out there. I am writing as a mom and Memaw watching. It's really hard! I see my daughter broken and hurting, that is terribly hard to watch. She was always such a strong person.  Now she is trying to find that strength again. I can't do anything to help in the process; I am helpless. That is not a fun place for a mom to be when their child is hurting. I come to visit to help with that process and I get emotional which does not help. 
I see my grandsons crying because of lies they were told; it is hard. 

Tonight, I getting ready to go back home across the country from my daughter and her sons. I am sad. It helps me to know she has a family of friends here. I have met several of them and I am so thankful to them. They have become family to her, they provide support, comfort and laughter to her life and the to the boys.

I just have to end by giving praise to the Lord for everything!

It has been a while

Hello again, everyone. It has been a while since I have been here. A lot has happened in the two years I have been gone. 
Last year I finally had a gastric by-pass surgery to help with my diabetes. I am happy to say "Praise the Lord!!" The surgery healed my diabetes! I stopped taking insulin days after the surgery and now a year past the surgery I have lost a total of 85 pounds. I usually fluctuate between 80-90 pounds lost. All of my labs are now normal and I have been taken off all my medications I was on before the surgery. I only take a stomach medicine. I also take a whole lot of vitamins now but no more medications!! I am blogging about that on a word press it is beckymc.wordpress.com if any one wants to check that out.
In January I graduated with my Master's program in nursing!!! This was a chore but I completed it with a lot of prayer and tears. I am now working at a School of Nursing which has been a dream of mine for a long time. This was a major answer to prayer!!!
My wonderful husband has retired from the steel mill after 20 years of service. In October of last year he retired; at the moment he is my house husband! I love it!! I found out we have a laundry day!!Married over 30 years and I did not know we had a laundry day!! LOL!! I just did laundry as we needed to do it!  Now I have a laundry day!!! He is talking about getting a part time job but I have to say I will miss my house husband!
We have 5 grand children now and one on the way 4 boys, one girl and one boy on the way. We are very excited about that!


I am hoping to keep up a little better here now that I remember how to get back in.
I am off to spend some time with my family now! I will write about it soon!!
I also have to update these pictures!!

Feelings?!

Feelings, we all have them. Some a little more than others. Some are said to wear their heart on their sleeve so they get their feelings hurt a little easier. Some make people think they are tough as nails but in truth they have them too. Me, I do have them! I have always been an emotional person, but now it seems it is in OVER DRIVE! Is this menopause? Or just me moving into the next phase of my life where someone can hurt my feelings by saying a few simple words? Am I really this sensitive? Have I always been this way and now I am just noticing more? I don't think I have always been this way. I am told and know women get more emotional at times. Well, I don't want to be this emotional any more.

Who has time to have a break down, I sure don't. as you can see from my last post I have had Bells Palsy recently maybe that affected my feelings. I recently had an argument with my sister also maybe that affected my feelings. My uncle who had cancer passed away and i went to a memorial service for him, I know that affected my feelings. There are times when nothing in particular is going on just my daily life and something strikes me and I get emotional.  That's the things I am talking about not the illness, the fight with family or loosing of a loved one. The thing that means really nothing at all that affects you like you were hit with a ton of bricks that is what I am talking about.

How do we handle this?? Me, I have mini melt downs when no one is looking. Yeah, I cry at night when no one is looking or I write a blog like this to get it out there. There are times when I just can't hold it back and cry at the stupid commercial or when my favorite soap character cries! Yes, I am that emotional person and I guess I do wear my feelings on my sleeve....

But that is me! Slobbery wet eyes and all!

Bells Palsy

Bells Palsy a very scary thing! I woke up one morning, let the dogs out, got my clothes out for the day,  went to the door to let the dogs back in. I tried to whistle and I could not. It was early and I was tired so I just let them in and got a shower and started to get ready for work. As I was standing in front of the mirror brushing my teeth I noticed the tooth paste and water drooling out of the right side of my mouth! My whole face on the right side looked like it was drooping! I  panicked! I called the doctor, the rest of my right side was good! The doctor told me to GET TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM! I MAY BE HAVING A STROKE!! then I really panicked! I called my husband who was getting off of the night shift to tell him and he told me he was on his way home. I sat in my living room with my mind going crazy if I was having a stroke should I not feel something else on my right side? would it start any minute? I was afraid to get out of the chair for fear I would find I could not walk and fall to the floor!
My hubby got home and took me to the ER. they took me right back. Checked me all over and said I had Bells Palsy.
Praise the Lord, I thought I am not having a stroke! I was given anti viral medication, acyclovir to take 5 times a day for 5 days and prenisone. I was also told I must protect my eye because it can not blink therefore it will not be able to keep moist, so add drops and tape shut at night with a night ointment. I was told Bells Palsy was caused mostly by a virus, they thought was the same virus that causes chicken pox. They also told me it would get worse before it got better. That was 10 days ago. I still have no activity in the right side of my face. Every once in a while I feel pins and needles or some pain, like pressure around my cheek bones or right ear.
Most days I am good but today I am having a down day. It happens! I find myself trying to smile every time I walk past a mirror and only half of my face smiles back at me! I am told and have done research that says this can last a few weeks to a few months, only rare cases last forever. Forever! That is very scary! I am finding out how vain I really am. I never really thought I was pretty but at least I could smile! Just to give a a glimpse of what it is like imagine you went to the dentist and got Novocaine in the side of your face and it is lasting for weeks! that is kinda it.

O well I am going to go for now. I will be back later, and maybe I will be able to smile!