Sometimes I just don't feel it!

I have been going through this funk for a while now with working here and there the small blows to my self esteem when one does not work out the way it is supposed to. My assignment here is over now and I am about to head back home to Ohio. But, with that being said. I am not sure what the next step is. I am 53 years old and I am looking for a job yet, again! All of these ups and downs make a girl feel blue! I am used to working taking care of people and my family. My family has grown up and moved away. Now, taking care of patients is not happening either, unless I fight for a new job every few months and move on and on and on from here to there all alone when not at work. Why? I do not understand WHY? I am tired! I am tired of the emotional roller coaster. I am tired of fighting for everything and it only lasts for a few weeks or months. I am tired of feeling this way like everyone is against me and I did something wrong. I am tired! I know in my heart God has a plan for me but I am so tired! Where do I go next? What happens next? I am tired of thinking about next! I just want to work, pay my bills and think about today like I am supposed to be doing!

I want to talk about a great man

I want to talk about a great man. But I have to begin at the beginning. When I was about 11 my parents seperated and divorced. This is common knowledge if you know and have read my blog. As many of you know this was a tough time for me. My dad was always present and there in my life but it seemed as if his family divorced us. We really never felt like family except from a few treasured people in his family. One of them was my Uncle Terry. As far back as I can remember he was always around. He made an effort to spend time with us an and made us feel loved. He is my sister's God Father and I remeber one year when she was still a baby he bought her a stuffed Easter Bunny that took up a whole chair she looked lost sitting on the stuffed bunny's lap. When my parents seperated and then divorced it almost like he did not want us to feel bad so he did nice things for us like taking the family to the amuzement park and spending the day at the park with us. When my mom married my step dad things really did not change because he was my step dad's best friend. So that just got us more time at his house or to spend with him. As it usually happens life goes on and people grow up, get married and move away. I did. So I got caught up in MY life and did not spend much time with him. He had some family issues of his own and when his marrige broke up he became a hermit almost. I remember seeing him a few years ago when my grandmother died sitting outside talking with him. He said I did not go anywhere I am in the same house even have the same phone number, which amazingly I remembered at the time. I can hear the sound of his voice talking to me now when I remember back. I found out today this great man is on hospice. He has cancer. There is no need to do a biopsy because it it everywhere and too far gone to do anything. My pray for him is that he does not suffer, he does not deserve it. My hope is that I get a chance to say goodbye and let him know how he made a difference in my life. But I will not be back by home until this assignemt is over so if God takes him I want the world to know what a great man he was and still is!

I am here Work and Fun have begun

Well, I am on the west coast, in Oregon actually. I have an apartment that is about an hour away from my daughter but right up the street from the hospital. My little dog Ollie came with me. Ollie was having a rough time so I had to hook him up with a local vet, they are a true blessing! I am working the night shift and Ollie was having some separation anxiety when I was not here and he was alone. Apparently one night he barked all night, I came home to a nasty note on my front door from an anonymous neighbor saying they turned me in to the apartment complex, the neighborhood watch and if it happened again would turn me into the ASPCA! Crazy, I know! I have no idea who it was but I had a bit of a mental breakdown trying to figure out what I was going to do. I started praying and asking God to handle the situation because I did not know what to do and I was led to the Happy Valley Vet Clinic. I actually was led there! I went to the closest vet to me up the street. They were completely booked, they called another vet clinic and they were booked then they called Happy Valley who said come right up! It is about 10 minutes from the apartment and specialize in separation anxiety! They were so nice. At first they made a plan with medication and other things for him. They also have a kennel on the premise. They usually charge $25 a night to board but since Ollie would be coming at night and picked up in the morning kind of like doggie day care but at night I only had to pay $8 a night! They are wonderful with him! I am Praising the Lord! He looks out for me and even for my dog!
Work is going well. I am now working as a nurse on a cancer floor! Which is where I want to be! I will be here until the end of May. So I have a few months that I get to spend my days off with my grandchildren and my daughter. I think it is a win win!!
I will try to update more often!!
Hope you all are well!!