DIVORCE

For those of you who read my blog do not be alarmed I am not getting a divorce. But, we got news last night that someone in our family may be. This is a very sore spot with me because my parents were divorced and my husband's parents were divorced. So all of the children in both families have felt the pain of not having mom and dad live together in the same house. I know some will say this is for the best and eventually everyone will be ok. Well, I am here to tell you there are scars from divorce that never go away!

I was only 11 when my mom and dad separated. I never blamed them, I always blamed myself. I must have done something to ruin my family! For the rest of my life up to this point  I have tried to paste my family back together. For me the family just got bigger, I now have a wonderful step mom whom is very dear to me, two step sisters, I love as much as my three blood sisters and two half brothers whom both own pieces f my heart! I did not mention a step-father because he died some time ago. My life with my step-dad was always rocky; because I have a GREAT dad. So when this man came into my life and told me he "was now my father and I should start calling him dad." I became bitter and this set the stage for our whole relationship. Unfortunately, it also set a president because everyone who has ever been a part of my life knows my step-dad and I did not mesh. (not the best witness of Christ's love in my life) My feelings for him have hurt my mom, for that I am sorry.

Those are the kind of things that happen when a family is torn! Husband and wife may think they are not happy and just do not want to be unhappy any more. But, when there are kids involved it is way more complicated. Young girls look up to their dad's as the man they will some day marry; how can they do this when he is no longer with them or only sees them on weekends? You see in my young eyes, no matter what faults my dad had he was a prince on a white horse coming to take me away from the mean man who married my mom. This feeling only caused more chaos in our home. At the time of the divorce there were 4 of us kids, all girls. While I clung to my dad with white knuckles because I was so afraid I would loose him; my sister who was 9 got mad and fought for my mom before and after her marriage to my step-dad years later. My sister and I actually had fist fights about it; which my step-dad encouraged! He wanted us to work out our feelings and anger! All this did was cause an even bigger gap in a broken family. Dad married first; this did not bother me somehow maybe because she never attempted to become anything but who she was, dad's wife. Any discipline needed always came from dad not her so I never felt like she was trying to take mom's place. It was very different for me when mom got married a few years later. When my brothers came along there had been so many girls, us three and my step-mom's two daughters, that we were delighted to have some brother's. We spoiled them rotten! I mean rotten!! But we were not a family any more just a bunch of people who had some bonds. There was no love between mom and dad, dad and step-dad, or mom and step-mom which made me feel broken. Why couldn't I have what every one else had, a family? There must be something wrong with me!

Those who have not been through this from a child's point of view have no idea the damage it can cause. Family is a sense of security for children. There is mom and dad and we can work it out together. Children feel this even at young ages, believe me I know! When the family is broken the CHILD is broken! SO I have a plea to any family with children and there is no abuse taking place PLEASE think about the children before you make any decisions about separation or divorce! I am here to tell you damage done to a child from divorce is something they carry with them FOREVER! Even when they are older and should be wiser; there will always be a place in them where the child is crying for the family they never had.

For those of you wondering my family has come a long way in the past 40 years. I am married to a wonderful man who has been my best friend and protector for over thirty years. I have grown twins who now have families of their own and are doing well. Most of my sister's are happily married with children, one of my brothers is married with a family the other also has a family with his girlfriend, they are not married; some still have issues, that's just the truth! But the Lord has done a wonderful thing! He answered a prayer from an 11 year old girl sitting on the attic stairs and has made us all a family! We still have our ups downs ( there are 8 of us siblings with varying opinions). But when push comes to shove we are all a family! A fact made very evident a few months ago when my dad had a heart attack and needed open heart surgery emergently and we ALL came together in the hospital, on the phone and on the internet; mom, step-mom, sisters, step-sisters, and half brothers all together praying and waiting for the word that dad would be ok. He did miraculous! Praise the LORD!! He mended a man and showed the world around us our mended family!!

Not every family separated has a wonderful ending like ours! Please think hard before you make the choice to separate or divorce when children are involved!

I am blessed

I want to take this opportunity and write a blog about how I feel about my daughter in law. I tried this once for my son in law but it was too mushy, so I will just keep repeating that he is my favorite son in law even though I only have one. It could be bad if he was not my favorite!

So my dear Elise this is for you! I want the world to know how blessed I am that my son chose you to be his wife! I love you for many reason, here are only a few.

1. I love the way you love my son! He can be kinda grumpy and lazy sometimes, but you love him anyway. I love it when you laugh at him when he is grumpy and making the grumpy face! You are patient and loving with him and give him the gentle nudge (shove) he needs sometimes to move him into the next step of his life journey. I love that you are there to take care him, and make sure he takes care of himself. He needed a partner like you! I am so blessed he found you!

2. I love your personality. I love that you are Snow White in the field with the animals( I can totally picture you in the dress singing to the birds and squirrels!) and so gentle and caring. But when my son or grandsons need a stern voice you can do that too with love. I love that about you.

3. I love your simple style! I think you are a wonderful home designer and would love for you to design my home! You have a knack of putting things together and they work! I love coming to visit and seeing the latest project! The living room and dining room look great!! Can't wait to se how you do the rest of the house!

4. I love the way you  raise the boys with love, fun and sternness at the same time. They can be the boys they are but when its time for discipline you do that too and it makes them think about the act they are disciplined for but they know you love them and can dance with you in the living room!

5. Finally, for today, I love your faith in God! I love that you guide your family in Christ and teach the boys about the Lord. I love that we can all sit and discuss a Bible study or controversial topic with a Biblical perspective!

My darling daughter in law I could go on and on about how you have blessed my family and my son; but I will end for now. Maybe to write more at a later date, who knows? What I really want to say is I love you and am very glad you are part of my family and I thank God for leading you to my son!

All my love
Becky

If it is the Lord's will...when a door closes a window will open

I know this is true! I see it all the time. I just choose not to see it sometimes. Well, today I am choosing to see God's will for me! As you  may know I am a nurse and have been in school working on my Master's Degree in Nursing Education and Informatics. I started a job in March that took up most all of my time. Because of this my grades dropped and I had to take a break from school. I was saddened by this but felt it was best until things either settled down or I got a new job. The latter happened. So I attempted to go back to school last week. I was told by the school that because my grades dropped below the expected grade for the last class I took, I needed to pay for that class before I could start back. Money is an issue for most everyone and it is for us too. This was not a planned expense so I did not have the money and would have to save to get it; which would set me back however long it took to save the amount. Although this amount of money was not substantial it would take a few months to save it. There always seems to be something that happens where money is concerned and now my first paycheck from my new job was lost so I am waiting for another one to be issued. I was upset and could not hold back tears because this is where I feel my career is headed in the future.

I pouted! I cried! and then I prayed. (yes, I pouted and cried before turning to God because I do that.) As I prayed I told God I wanted to follow the plan for my life and if this was not the plan I could handle it. I said it. I prayed it out loud, but did I really mean it? I do not know. The great thing is the decision was in God's CAPABLE hands.

An amazing thing happened yesterday. I got a check in the mail! Only it was not from my work it was from the school! I called them to make sure it was for me and it was correct! IT IS! The check gives me enough money to pay for the class to get back into the program and more!

I do not know why God continues to amaze me when prayers are answered. After all he tells me in His word that He loves me! (John 3:16) Yet when He answers my prayers I am surprised. This is the same God that created the universe! He is amazing! Yet, I doubt.

I can not say this will be an epiphany in my life and I will never doubt again. I am human. I am me, therefore I will doubt, whine, pout and cry. But God is All powerful! And He loves me enough to die for me even when I do not deserve it!
Thank You Lord for continuing to love me even when I am a spoiled brat!