Saturday, March 14, 2009

I got a message today

I got a message from my cousin today. I am shocked and really do not know what to do about it. You see back when I started this blog I posted a about her. We were best friends or so I thought. Our bond was much more than friendship because we were also family or so I thought. Then when my mom and grandmother moved here after my mom got sick and rumors started flying about how we kidnapped her and had planned to take her away from the family for many years and then when she lived here in my house that I stole my grandmother's money. Lies! All Lies! She turned on me. She believed the rumors! I was crushed! I begged and pleaded for her to believe me! I told her she should know I would never do anything like that! It felt like I knife was stabbed into my heart. That was almost two years ago. No cards were sent at Christmas , no friendly calls every couple months just to hear each others voices, no emails to keep each other up to date on current events in our lives. Nothing!
Then today I got a message on facebook, in fact just a few hours ago. It was civil. She congratulated me on my new grandson. Short and civil. My mind went racing, I got a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to cry! (I didn't but the night is young.) What should I do? Why now? (I had the stomach virus this week and the nausea spurred off a battle with panic attacks all week. I am still struggling now as I write this with the feeling that I should panic and go hide under the covers of my bed where it is safe and warm and not get out! Its an awful feeling!) SO why now?
What I want to do is respond back telling her how wrong she was and how much my grandmother is suffering in the nursing home HER family chose to put her in and how after all her gallant words about my grandmother I know she has only just now saw my grandmother after she has been in that nursing home since December! How when my grandmother was here we saw her several times a week and she was never left alone for more than 2 days and now she is alone even without a phone for us to call her! How this is the longest time I have ever been not able to talk to my grandmother because she does not have a phone and I have to call the nurses station to talk to her and how HER mother called me and told me not to do that because the nurses complain when we call TOO MUCH! (had to stop for a minute because now I am crying).............My mind is racing with things I could say to her about how hurt I was and how she broke my heart. How I thought our friendship was special and we would never let crazy family stuff come between us......................But I won't!
I will not respond at all because responding will open up to many temptations to get revenge and the Lord says that is his job. Instead I will do nothing! I will not respond. I will do nothing because that door is closed and I can not open it again the pain was too intense. My Lord rescued me from that and gave me many more friends in lots of different places, like here for instance. He has blessed my life with people who are my friends..........So I chose to do nothing!


Glenda, saved by grace said...

You are in a very hard place. I am not sure what I'd do, but the bible says A soft answer turneth away wrath. Also we are to be like Christ. How would Christ respond? The bible says that if your slapped on one side of your face your to turn the other cheek... This is so hard, Bless your heart, I will pray for you.

Letters From Midlife said...

Pray for her and don't respond right now. Let the Lord reveal truth and know that you know what that truth is. You have nothing to be ashamed of and the Lord will vindicate you to the people that matter and in His timing. Just pray for Him to do a work in her heart. Forgive her even if you never get an apology or any acknowledgement of any wrong doing. I say all this from personl experience.

Letters From Midlife said...

I wish there was an edit feature on the comments! It should be "personal" not "personl"! lol Sorry, but I'm a bit obsessive about my spelling! lol