Yesterday morning I opened my eyes; I felt pain in my chest. As the trained professional I am I closed my eyes thinking if I went back to sleep it would go away. A few hours later I woke up again with the same pain; I was scared this time I called the doctor. They said they could see me right away. I went into the other room and told my husband what was going on and he took me to the doctor. It just so happens my doctor is on vacation. The doctor filling in for her did and EKG to check my heart and it was good. He decided I was having another panic attack. He gave me xanax, a medication to calm someone down. In the state I was in this only made me more upset. Kevin took me home and went to fill the prescription. I took the xanax as soon as he got home; it made me go to sleep which is what I wanted to do anyway sleep. I woke at 4am and took another xanax because I did not want to wake up feeling like that again.
Today, I woke up late. Kevin was awake and doing things around the house. I did not want to ever feel like I did yesterday. I take bio-identical hormones and needed my refill so I ask him if he would drive with me to the other side of town to pick them up. He did. I had called the doctor while we were on our way there to see if I should do anything with the medication I was taking to keep the attacks away, not the xanax. The doctor said I should double my preventive medication. Kevin then took me to dinner and a movie. I love that man; he was just doing something to keep me occupied. He feels so helpless when this happens to me. All he wants to do is take care of me and he does not understand all this. Well, I do not understand it either. I hate it! I hate having to take medications! The truth is I do have to take medication for diabetes and panic attacks. So I will.
I know I am a Christian woman and know that Jesus died for me but I am also a real human with real flaws. Some days these flaws show through. Please forgive me Lord for my flaws and help me to be more and more like You.