Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I am sooo emotional these days!

I am sooo emotional these days. A while back you might remember I how I blogged about getting off of the medication for panic attacks. Well apparently this medication also helps hold back too much emotion. SO for two years my emotions have been on hold.....I did not realize this I was still emotional but apparently not my normal emotional. (That is what my daughter told me.) Now I can cry at the drop of a hat. Don't sneak up and say boo, I will most likely cry.....Why am I harping on this now....well because I cried at work today. I have been talking about the changes I am making in life for this new year. It involves a program run by MUSC (Medical University of SC) wellness center and nutrition dept called Healthy Charleston Challenge. I found out about the program last October; sent in my application, talked to the lady in charge of picking teams a few times and as recent as the week of Christmas. I am ready to do this program it will be hard work but I need to do something to get healthy. I called today just to find out what was next and was told I was not on a team! I was shocked! When I asked why she told me I hadn't paid the fee. I asked her when the fee needed to be paid because that was why I was calling and she told me DEC 10! I was shocked again!! I had talked to this woman several times and although she did tell me what the fee was she never told me when the fee needed to be paid. She said I did not seem as if I was going to be committed because I did not pay. This is when the tears started to flow. I have been looking forward to doing this program for months! I told her I would call her back and hung up the phone because I could not talk at this point. I went into the bathroom and cried my face red. Then I got control of my self told myself told myself I would do it on my own somehow and went back to clinic. I got a page shortly after as I was trying to eat my lunch, it was her again. She told me about how she did not think I was committed and I told her I was, how I realize this is going to be hard work because I have tried many times in the past and it has not worked and I needed to change my whole lifestyle because I would not be around long if I keep up my style. She talked a little more, yes I was emotional again, and then told me she would let me in if I could pay now. This really upset me because my husband has not worked for a few weeks and I have no extra money now. I told her this; she told me to come to the pre-test Tuesday and bring what money I could and pay her the rest later. Now I was crying because I was happy! I told her I would, then left the office again cried like a baby in the ladies room, waited until my face was no longer red and returned to work.
This was an emotional day for me! WOW! On top of that my mom fell at work a few days ago(Praise the Lord she did not break anything! She is bruised but ok) but because of this is not going to be able to go see my brother at the end of the month so she called me between phone calls from the challenge lady crying and upset.
According to my daughter this is my normal self, but I do not think it is normal. I think I am too emotional!


Washer Mom Val said...

OOh - cry on my shoulder girl! Not an easy day. You hang in there - see God is watching out for you - he'll find a way for you! You are in the team. So much hardship out there. Keep looking up! I'm trying to take my own advise too! Be well blogger friend.

Gina said...

Oh Becky, I am so sorry you are going through so much. First of all, I am very happy you are able to be on the team for the life style change. Secondly, I really, really understand about the being super emotional, don't feel bad about it. Coming off medication reeks havic in our bodies, and hormones, well you know all about hormones. My family just rolls their eyes at me now because I will cry over anything, including sappy commercials, worship music,a beautiful day or even someone singing the Star Spangled Banner. When I get hurt or angry I cry or if I am happy, I will cry. Hang in there and don't try to hold it back...you have been through so much recently.

lookuptoday said...

Sometimes i wish i could cry more easily.It is a good emotional outlet. I do sympathize with you. You are going through some tough times, so try not to beto hard on yourself. I am happy you get to be in the "Healthy Charleston Challenge" It is frustrating when you have your heart set on something then stuff gets in and messes things up. I am glad you did not give up. Dee