Muddling through and Trying not to whine

Hello again. I am back. The school semester is over at work. I am on break now from my job. That is good but I do not get a pay and hubby wants me to file for unemployment again. I am scarred by the last time I applied. I suppose I will though because I am going to have the summer off with no pay.

I am still trying to decide if I like the teaching thing. I really miss being a bedside nurse but years of it has killed my back and knees. Bending squatting pulling tugging all this plays a toll on you after a while. I know it is time to move on. But I miss my patients. There I go again whining and I was trying not too...

I love teaching the students I love the look they get when they finally get it. The excitement of helping do a task they were terrified to do. Helping them connect the dots of the whole picture to critically think through the process. I hate the paperwork! they think they have paperwork to do but I have to grade it all!!

I miss working with cancer and hospice patients. I love taking care of these patients. I thought of volunteering at a hospice center but do I really have the time for that? NO, I sometimes think I do not have time to breath cause it would take to long. Thank the Lord I do not have to think about breathing to live or I would be dead. And there I go again whining.

I guess my identity has been being a cancer nurse for so long i do not want to loos that. I want to be involved in oncology some how. I want to hold a patients hand when they find out there is nothing else they can do and listen to them when there is no one else to talk to because their family just does not understand. I miss the intimacy that comes from being the nurse and helping someone deal with a difficult decision of going back on a treatment that they swore they would never do. Just being there for a patient in need. I miss it so much. I don't feel the same way about the students, yeah I want to help them but it just not the same.....

Thats all I really wanted to say I hope I did not whine too much......