I am off for a few days

I am off now for a few days. My husbands brother and his wife came to spend the week with us. Yesterday was Kevin's birthday, I had to work he spent it with his brother and his wife. I got home from work at 6:30-7 pm made a birthday dinner had b day cake and went to bed by 10. Today I had to go to work and had my evaluation at work. It was very good. I was inspired yesterday at work and wrote a little article this morning before my clinic started and sent it to my bosses about what cancer nursing should be. If I remember I will attach it here when I get back to work. I got to leave work at 1pm today and now I go back on Friday. SO I am going to enjoy the next two days off with our family. Going to a show in Myrtle Beach tomorrow. Then heading to Beaufort SC on New Years day to look around. Talk to you soon. Still waiting for the arrival of Asher John. I'll keep y'al posted.

A wonderful evening

Yesterday my husband and I traveled to Greenville, SC to spend some time with my son and his wonderful wife. They are expecting our new grandson any time now, although he is due on Jan 15. I haven't seen them since Sharon was here the week before Thanksgiving. We were buying the car seat/stroller so Asher John McClelland (my new grandson's name when he gets here) could come home from the hospital.
We had a wonderful evening. They live with her parents so we were just driving up visiting and coming home. (3 hour drive). It was truly wonderful to spend time with them. They are both Christans so we could have some very good conversations. My son will finish school in the summer. They are trying to figure out what the next step is for them. They have looked into a possibility in Canada, and are thinking maybe of coming here for a few till the student loans are paid off. Then Bryan will go to seminary, If that is where the Lord leads him.

The visit was wonderful even talking about where the Lord may lead them. I felt a strange peace I do not feel when I talk to my daughter about the future. (I do not think she is a Christan.) I know the Lord will take care of them because He has plans for them. I love spending time with them and hope the Lord leads their journey here for a while but if not. I will deal with that at that time. Right now I am just waiting for my new grandson to appear!

Decisions.....not always easy to know the right way to go

Decisions is not always easy to make the right decision and/or to know which way the Lord is leading you. I am going to have to make a decision. I am a nurse, I think I told y'all that before. I work with oncology patients, mainly have worked with women's Cancers in the past but have worked with men also. Now I am working with a breast surgeon, and an endocrine surgeon in a clinic type setting. I love both of my doctors and my NP. I love being a nurse (I never want to give the impression I do not like being a nurse. I feel I was called to be a nurse. In fact if I won the lottery and got millions of dollars I would have a hard time staying away from nursing in some way.) OK now back to the decisions. Because of budget cuts we will be making changes in the ambulatory care facility where I work. I love spending time with patients either in person or on the phone how ever the patient needs me. I found out after Jan 09 our clinic style will change. The style was I work with specific doctor on their clinic days and have 1-2 days of down time to get behind the scenes work done like sick calls, other patient call like test results, need to get this test or that, charting what happened for each patient in my clinic, those type of things. The things that keep the nurse connected to the patient even after they have seen their doctor. Come Jan 09 the behind the scene days will be cut to 1/2 day. leaving barely enough time to chart.
On the other hand I recently talked to a nurse manager in the hospital to get extra shifts because of cut backs and calling me off. She hired me part time and told me I can work when ever and what ever shift I want. I have been thinking lately with all the changes coming to the clinics. Do I want to work full time in the hospital again? Pros of hospital work; I know what to expect (it is hard work), 3 12 hour shifts as apposed to 5 days a week, more money for off shifts. Cons it is hard, back breaking work,leave the doctors and people I work with ( I Love them), I will have to work week ends and holidays..
I am trying to weigh this all out in my brain......where does the Lord want me?......what does He want me to do?.. AM I struggling with this decision because the Lord is moving me to another place and I am rejecting His will?
I think what I have decided to do is wait around and see how bad or good the changes are then make my decision. I think I will try it out before I run from the change......even if I want to right now. .... What do you think????

Christmas does not feel the same......but still I rejoice

Hello all. Christmas is not the same for me since the kids have grown up and got married. Sharon lives in the north west with her family and her in-laws. Bryan and his wife live up state but money is tight for all and she is 8 months pregnant.

I remember when the kids were young. We would decorate the tree and put out all the lights. They got so excited to get ready for Christmas. Our biggest challenge each year was where to hide the gifts so my son would not find them. Christmas Eve we would go to spend the day with Kevin's family. We would have dinner then Santa would come. He would talk to all the kids and then we opened presents. Christmas day we got up early the kids opened their presents. We wnet to the 10am service at church then down to my dad's house to celebrate with my sisters. After dinner we would go to my grandmothers house see the rest of the family, my grandmother, aunt, uncle and cousins and their families and celebrate again. Food was everywhere, at everyplace. When we moved here we would celebrate all day with our family and maybe go see a movie but we were still a family together.

Now it is just Kevin and I. I haven't had Christmas at my house since Sharon moved out. We had CHristmas in Kentucky the year Sharon got married. I had Christmas in the north east with Sharon the year Ethan was born. Last year we celebrated on New Years the whole family came to town and we spent time together. This year just Kevin and I. I am blessed because my family are all healthy and have some kind of income, even if my son in law's is unemployment at this time he is in school to further his career and they are doing well.

I praise the Lord for my family.

At this time of year I try to focus on what the holiday is really about. It is about a babe in the manager who came to die so my family and I could have everlasting life. A gift of grace given before there was a me, before I had a family. He knew my name and He sent this special gift. Thank you Lord for my Christmas gift. I love and adore you.

Just a few thoughts

We have been hearing an abundance of news about the economy and GM bail out. I have some problems with that. I am sorry, I feel bad for all the workers who will lose their jobs but do not agree with the bail out.
I remember in 1980's my step dad worked for United States Steel. They went under and closed a ton of mills. There was no bail out package. There was no government help. My step dad lost his job along with hundreds of others. I remember how depressed he was and how bad things got for my family. There was no government help. My mom and step dad lost everything. He lost his job and his dignity. They lost the house we grew up in, it went up for sheriff's sale. They had to moved to another state with my younger brothers. My youngest sister was 18 so we stayed in Pennsylvania. The rest of the family moved to Maine. My step dad tried for many years to get another job. He got a few jobs but never anything substantial. Finally the stress of it all eventually took his health and then took his life. He died at the age of 43. He had a massive heart attack while training to become a truck driver. He made it home only to see my mom and go to the hospital. He died in the ambulance. My brothers were 14 and 15 years old.

SO I am sorry I do not get the bail out thing are we trying to make up for mistakes from the past? Will the bail out package make sales better in the future? Will the workers be able to continue to work there? Or will this bail out package just postpone the inevitable and GM will lay off hundreds of workers like US Steel did.

I do not mean to ugly or mean at Christmas time but the fact is this company can not make it anymore. Terrible as it sounds people will loose jobs. The money in the bail out package will not go to the layed off workers. It will go to management big wigs who made the bad decisions in the first place. If this bail out package went to workers like my step dad to pay their mortgage or keep the lights on I would be the first one to vote YES!! But it will not, those workers will never see a dime of the bail out money.
This subject has been weighing heavy on my mind lately. Like the title of my blog says these are just my thoughts.

I am back on line

Hello all. I am back on line. Gosh what did I do with myself before the internet? I can not imagine, I was lost for almost a week!

Lost Internet service

Hello all. I lost my internet service for a few days. I should be back on line by Tuesday. Sending this message from work. Can't be here long. hope all is well.

Feeling a bit Hum Bug

Today I think I may have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. I don't know why but I have been a bit blue all day. My husband called me to tell me the mill is shutting down for Christmas from 12/19 to 1/1. He has to use left over vacation time and next years vacation time so we have a pay check. Then my job I am a nurse so there will always be work for me, but I work for a state hospital who suffered a major loss last year. All I have been hearing is budget and cut backs till I could scream! I work in an out patient clinic which is where the crunch is felt. I am told they investigated several other clinics across the country and the have less nurses than we do.
Let me tell you what I do... I work in the clinic with two doctors both surgeons one breast cancer one endocrine. I see patients with them. In order to know what I am doing about 1-2 hours is spent before each clinic, Usually the day before, to prep for the clinic. I look up each patient find out why they are coming see if ordered tests were scheduled. Mainly so I know whats going on. After the clinic I must chart a note on each patient. I also get phone calls from patients of the docs I work with. I used to have at least 1 1/2 days to get all the behind the scenes work done now I have 1/2 if I am lucky. If I am not in a clinic I have been getting called off. Used all my vacation time so now I get called off with out pay.
SO I went into the hospital to see if they need work and I actually got hired for a part time position to get some hour to supplement my pay for days when I am called off. I am wondering should I just go back into the hospital. I like both. Other nurses tell me this to shall pass and we will be OK again. But I wonder how long can I do this feeling this blah!
The holidays are here and I feel humbug. We have no money right now to go shopping. Barely have enough to pay bills right now. Kevin is supposed to get his Christmas bonus this week. I am afraid to look forward to it. My work has already told us no bonus no pay raise this year.
So I changed my background and on Saturday we are going to get our tree half way between us and my son so they will meet us there and we will spend the day at the tree farm. I will keep trying to kick the humbug away from my Christmas spirit.

Been thinking a lot today

Yesterday was a very emotional day. Raw feelings open. The past two years my moms family who had once been very close with me cast me out because I helped my mom and let her and my grandmother move in with me. My mom made some bad decisions before that move and because of them I have been treated like an outcast to a family that I was once very close to. I am told the place where my Nana was placed although not pretty is a good place. She will be taken care of and have plenty of functions to keep her busy.
Just wanted to put a touch of background here. Today I have been thinking a lot. Maybe I was treated badly because the other family members were feeling like I was yesterday, as in my last post.
SO I decided to let God have control. He gave me two wonderful years with my grandmother here with me. It was wonderful to have her around again. Now it is time for her to go back home to Pittsburgh. I accept that. I trust God and I do not feel any guilt in any way where my grandmother is concerned. I have always made her a part of my life. I have never went more than 1 week to talk to her. I have been in SC for 12 years and have called her every week sometimes twice a week. The past two years have been a blessing from the Lord, and He is in control. I know that. I except it.

My Nana

My grandmother whom we have always called Nana is the white haired lady in the pictures. She will be 95 on December 15. She is a wonderful lady. I love her very much. She was born when her family was on their way to America from Italy in 1913. She lived and spent most of her life in Pittsburgh, PA. She worked until she was almost 80 years old before she could not work any more. In my eyes she has always been a strong lady. She is my friend, and grandmother. I have spent lots of time with her. She was a babysitter for my kids when they were little because my mom lived in another state. Sometimes we would just go visit and hang out, or go shopping for no reason at all. I have always spent lots of time with her until I moved to SC then I would call and talk to her several times a week. For the last 16 years my mom has lived with her and taken care of her because my aunt could not and would not. Up until May 2007 my mom lived in the house she grew up in with my grandmother. After my son got married my mom got sick and moved here for me to help her with my grandmother; because none of the other family could or would. That includes my aunt, Nana's only other child, my cousins three of them, my two sisters and my brother. Mom decided to move here because my other sister and I were here. She lived in my house with my grandmother for one whole year without any help from above family. My aunt and her family did however gripe about how my mom spent my grandmother's money. (Her social security check she got once a month. For some reason they thought she should have bunches of money, but all she got was $1000 a month to live on and pay for her insurance and life necessities.) When it got to the point that my mom could not take care of her anymore my Nana was placed in a very nice, really nice, nursing home here in SC. My aunt and her family, my uncle is in charge of Nana's money, decided she should move back to Pittsburgh. SO they made mom feel awful and started proceedings to move Nana to a nursing home in Pittsburgh.

She moved yesterday. It was a bad day for us here. I drove them to the airport at 4am. Explained to my Nana several times ( she kept forgetting) where she was going, and that I would not be there. She kept asking me where I would be. I told her I live here and probably would not be able to see her for a little while because of winter weather in the mountains. She would agree then ask in a few minutes. "I am going there, you are staying here?" Every time making the lump ion my throat bigger and bigger. I kissed and hugged her good bye at the gate knowing in my heart this may be the last time I see her.(I cried all the way home!)

Mom said when they got there her sister and my sister met her. My Aunt took Nana in her car and my sister took my mom. They went to the place my aunt had set up for Nana. Mom said it was like going form Taj Mahal to the ghetto! The place in Pittsburgh is a state run nursing home. Once they got to the place my grandmother will stay my Nana just started to cry! She told my mom she did not belong there because all the people there were crazy, sitting in the halls around the nursing station mumbling, and screaming, talking nonsense to no one at all. Mom tried to explain it was not all like that.

My aunt told my mom on the ride from the airport Nana kept asking for my mom. My aunt told mom not to tell Nana she was leaving to come back home here so she would not be sad about it. We, all mom's kids including me,told her "DO NOT LEAVE THERE WITHOUT EXPLAINING WHY SHE IS THERE!! THIS IS NOT YOUR DECISION BUT THEIRS AND NANA SHOULD KNOW YOU DID NOT DO THIS TO HER!" I called mom several times yesterday she was a mess.

I do not understand why it was important to move her from a place where she was happy just because they want her around when they think they need her. Here my mom sister and I were there at least once a week most times more.We took her out on trips to the store or out to dinner, she came to my house for every little thing I did here. Up there although there is more family around I know in my heart she will get as much company as often. My biggest problem is for almost 2 years nobody bothered to come here to visit her; and when mom took her up there they did not spend much time with her either! ( my sisters and brother did my aunt and her family did not)

I have such strong angry feelings towards them (my aunt and her family) for doing this and causing all the turmoil they have for the last 2 years. They would never have taken care of my gram like my mom did and would have continued to do. They only were thinking about their own selfishness. They want her there because we might want to see her sometime. Why are some families so SELFISH!!

I do not know when I will get a chance to go back to Pittsburgh. My son and his wife are about to have a baby. Nana is no longer here to see our baby. We will have to bring the baby to her. It makes me sad.