Busy Busy Busy

I have been so busy lately with school, work and work outs for the Healthy Charleston Challenge.
I have not had time to share with my blogging friends. I am doing ok. I have had my ups and downs. I have been doing my exercise work out every day and my blood sugars have been great! Infact when they had been in the 200s for fasting blood sugar that should be between 70-110, my most recent blood sugars of 130-150 are wonderful. I even had a 107 in there one morning! Praise the Lord! I do not know how long I can keep up this pace however, I am constantly running around doing something which leaves me no time for other things like this blog and other computer fun. Physically I feel great, mentally I am starting to feel the pressure. Like last Sunday for instance, I did not go to the gym. I had little gas to last until payday and had to drive to work a few days until pay day. I did exercise; I rode my bike about 1 mile (it was cold). Then I went home and made myself feel guilty for not going to the gym. Crazy, isn't it. I made myself feel so bad I did not go to church that evening and now I wish I had. I am glad I started this challenge and want to change my life style so I can live to see my great grandchildren but wonder what will happen when all the hoopla is over. I am trying to make life style changes and praying I can continue with a healthy lifestyle even after the challenge.

Have you ever made a decision and God said "WAIT"

Hello all. As many of you know who have been following this blog I have been trying to make a decision about my job. Should I stay where I am or go back into the hospital, where the nurse manager is trying to recruit me to come back to working on the floor. I know the grass is never greener on the other side and am completely aware of the hard work involved in working in the hospital. Well, yesterday I thought I made the decision to move to the floor. I had made up my mind after being called into the office for an incident that happened last week in which many nurses were involved. I will not go into details but it involved complaining about something said in a town hall meeting. So back to yesterday, I decided I could not be quiet about all the changes being made so I should go back to the floor where I could be a positive influence instead of a negative influence I feel I have been. My mind was made up. I knew exactly what to do. I talked to my husband and my step-mom and confirmed I was making the right decision.
This morning I read my devotion with a title "WAIT and LISTEN". The scripture was the story of moses as a baby in the Nile when pharaoh's daughter found him. SO now I am back to waiting. I do not know what the Lord has in store for me here or what is happening. I have to learn to roll with the punches and go with the flow, be flexible. I guess. I will pray to be more flexible and positive and see where the Lord leads me.

Just Talked to My Nana

Nana with Mom and Nan with Ethan

I just talked to my Nana. She is OK, but it is sad to me. She was soo full of life. Wind, p--- and excitement as my grandfather used to say. Now she just sits in her room at that nursing home and watches TV because "there is nothing to do here" as she says. When she was here at Life Care she was everywhere. She would walk that wheel chair all over the place even sit out on the porch. Now she just sits in her room. She was happy there; but now she sits because her selfish daughter(mom's sister) had to have her back in Pittsburgh. Just because she wanted her there, not because my grandmother wanted to go.

OK I refuse to let this blog have any more bitterness when it comes to that side of the family so I will focus this on my grandmother. Let me tell you who she is and was.

Rose Marie Tomaro born December 15, 1913 as her family made their way to America from Italy. Her older brother had to stay in Italy because the family did not have enough money for him to travel with them. He came to America later. She is the second youngest of 5 children. She had beautiful long hair growing up( she has her pony tail from when it was cut off when she was a child. She wants to have it buried with her). She met and married my grandfather as a young lady. Her parents did not like him. My great grandmother called him "Irish scum." She loved him and married him. The marriage was not the greatest. My grandfather was an abusive alcoholic until the last ten years of his life. They were married forty some years. He had 10 good years of being a good and sober man the he died January 5, 1980. She worked all of her life. She worked on her parents farm in Pittsburgh as a child. She worked in a laundry for many years until she had to retire to take care of my grandfather. After he died she became a Foster Grandparent at The Children's Rehab in Pittsburgh where she worked well into her 80's. She quit after she had surgery on her legs and could not walk for a long time without a walker. But even this did not hold her down. She is and was a stubborn woman. When my mom moved in to take care of her she often fought with my mom about whatever she felt strongly about.

I remember as a kid spending time at her house and getting love and lots and lots of food! We were there every Sunday for dinner and often spent the night on weekends. When I had kids she was there for me when my mom was living out of state. She even came to stay with me when my twins were born and rearranged the house how she thought it should be. LOL She would drive me to the doctors and where ever I had to go because I did not drive at the time. I got my license because her driving scared me! Then I would pick her up and take her with me. My kids grew up with her she would babysit for me and just spend time with me and my kids. When I asked her if she would baby sit I always got the same answer. "If I am not dead by then I'll watch them." She always talked to everybody around her. When the kids were small and we went to the doctors before we left she knew why each child in the office was there. As my kids grew even their friends would come and spend time with her. A few of their friends thought she was mean because she would not hear it that you did not want to eat. I remember she smacked on of my son's hands because he did not want a sandwich. LOL, that's a funny memory. Then she offered to get some grass from her yard for one of his friends who told her he was a vegetarian. LOL She was always there for me and I never let the world get in the way of talking to and seeing her. When we moved to SC I called the house every week and talked to her till she moved here. I pray she has many more years but the last thing I want is for this wonderful woman to suffer in any way. She endured her suffering with my grandfather and should now only have love and happiness. As long as she is alive I will NEVER loose contact with her.

A New Day....A New Attitude

I am feeling much better today. I talked it out with my small group last night and today I have a better attitude.
I got a call from my mother's sister last night basically telling me we are calling the nursing home my grandmother is in too much my mom, sister and me. She said the nurses complained because we were calling basically every day and disturbing the nurses. I do not know why she called me. I was trying to figure that out. Maybe because I am a nurse and would think she was telling me the truth? Maybe because she did not want to talk to my mom? I was civil on the phone and hung up with out any pleseantness. It upset me at first I thought here we go the next step of them taking my grandmother away from me. I talked to my mom who said she was going to buy my grandmother a cell phone we could call. I thought after talking to mom I would call occasionally but I would vow to send myt Nana a card, note or some kind of greeting everyweek. That way she could remember everytime she sees it that I love her. That idea made me feel really good so I got together her first package with pictures of the new baby and a card from me. I will send it on Saturday when I can get to the post office; it is a bigger envelope and I want to make sure I get the right postage.

I have a better attitude now. I can not pray for nice things for them right now because the wound is too fresh. I am calmer and do not want to punch anyone today. That is a good first step I think. Praying for them will come in time.

Thank you for all the support! I honest and truely appriciate it!
My son I love you more than words can say. You your sister and your dad are always there for me and I praise the Lord for all of you!

I am hurt and angry.....I would just like to punch them

Well more hurtful words from my Pitsburgh family have come. My mom talked to the lady at the state office that needs the paper work detailed in last post. The lady from the state called my mom's brother in law (whom I will never again call uncle, because that term is reserved for family and he is not any longer). Then mom's bil (brother in law) called mom stating she was getting 15 days to get paperwork together which the state lady had already discussed with my mom. He also said if it was not done on time he was suing her and me! Mom and my Nana(grandmother) stayed with me in my house for 1 1/2 years paying only $150.00 a month for every thing. I actually used it to get food for all of us! Now he is saying that I stole money from my grandmother too!
I am so angry and hurt I could punch him and his whole family! They stayed here basically rent free. When my mom was sick I took care of my grandmother and if I was not here my husband kept an eye on her. We paid for a roof over their head, water, electric, cable, even their medicine at times. No one from their family offered to keep my grandmother in their home. I did! By the way they also accuse me of kidnapping my nana. She is and was completely alert and knew exactly what was going on. She knew and wanted to come stay here with me and my mom. I am hurt because these people are my family. There has been tension in the past with my mom but I have always been close to these people. My cousin was supposed to be my best friend. They obvously do not know me at all and it hurts.

As I was driving down the road crying to God about this and stating I did nothing wrong why are they doing this to me a thought come to my mind. Jesus did nothing wrong and suffered far more thatn I am. I know God is with me in this and will take care of me. I am not ready to pray for them but I will try.

Aliens in this world

I know I am an alien to this world. I have heard it many times. In this world we have many wonderful miracles from our Lord births of babies, marriges of loving people, cures for diseases,even the nature around us that scream His name. Why does it seem like when God sends a miracle the world sends a disappointment. As a Christan woman I try to focus on the Word of God and act as I should to the world to let them know I am a Christ follower. As a human woman I get angry at certain things and want to strike out.
I should explain a little. As you know we were blessed by a beautiful baby boy a few days ago. I took my mom, who got hurt at work a few weeks ago and was depressed, up to see our baby. It was wonderful. The visit was magical. My daughter in laws family is wonderful and welcome us into their home, where she and my son live with open arms. It was truly wonderful.
Today my mom got a call from her sister, her only sister. Just to give you some back ground my mom took total care of my grandmother without any help from her sister for 8 years; 16 total is you count the first operation my gram had to bring my mom back to her home town and move in with my gram. About 1 1/2 years ago my mom moved and brought my grandmother here. I along with my mom took care of her here(with no help for sister I might add). Mom moved into her own place with my grandmother and then Nana (my grandmother) got to much for mom to handle and she had to go to a nursing home. Sister decided her mother should be moved back to Pittsburgh, so they arranged it and mom took Nana back to Pittsburgh. While my mom was taken care of my grandmother her sister kept accusing her of stealing my grandmothers money. My grand mother had a small account to bury her and her ssi check got deposited into a saving account attached to a checking account with her and moms name on it. Mom used Nana's money to help pay bills, which it what is would have been used for if my grandmother lived on her own, ya know. Well back to the present. mom was supposed to send paper work on the bank account up to the nursing home where my grandmother is staying she got hurt and was unable to move the boxes, so she has not done it yet. Today she got a call from her sister who told her she was suing her for stealing my grandmother money. Because the lady called my aunt to tell her she had not gotten paperwork from my mom yet. When my mom tried to tell her sister she fell and was hurt unable to lift anything her own sister told her she did not care about her problems and she was suing her. It made me so mad I just wanted to call her and tell her off, punch her or something like that.
Of course I will not but it just made me think about how much we are aliens to this world. God preforms a beautiful miracle and evil has to make something happen to take away the joy. It makes me sad to think about someone so bitter; but I choose to instead focus on the Joy the Lord has given me and my new sweet sweet grandson.

My new grandson

Asher John McClelland

7 things about me

Ok, I was first tagged by Cindy and then by Donna so I will add my seven things about myself.

1. Although I was never sold Mary Kay like Cindy and Donna I sold Avon for a year or so. Never really made any money always owed more than I got. That was before I was a nurse. I also before nursing worked as a gas station cashier in one of those locked behind the window places. I also worked in a store that made homemade ice cream and candy (that was a delicious job I had an ice cream break every time I worked!), and in a mail order pharmacy first in the packing department and then as pharmacy tech. I worked in a factory when I was much younger for exactly 11 days got reprimanded for getting up from my machine to get a drink of water and left at break time never went back.

2. I am second to the oldest in my family of eight brothers and sisters. I have 2 step sisters one older and one younger than me. Three sisters all younger, and two half brothers younger than me. But as far as I am concerned we are just all brothers and sisters.
3. Like Donna I too love to write. I write short stories and poems. I had a couple articles published in a nursing magazine and a few poems published on poetry.com. I would love to write a book but do not think I have enough to say for a whole book. My dad and step mom told me I should just write about our family. They say the drama could be a top mini series. I have to agree with that part.
4. I am a nerd at heart. I love to read and I love the computer. But I was a total pothead when I was in high school. (It was in the 70's a total life time ago before Christ.)
5.I love to read fiction any kind of fiction. I like romance but not the trashy stuff. I read a lot of Danielle Steele had to stop for a while. I love suspense right now I am hooked on Dean Koontz. (Between school work that is)
6. I am in college on the Internet to get my bachelor's degree in nursing and want to continue to get my masters and maybe teach nursing students.
7.I am sometimes afraid of the dark; well not really the dark I think it is what is in the dark that I can not see. There are always lights on at my house.

HE IS HERE!!!!

My grandson Asher John was born at 5:21 this evening!!! Weighing 7lbs 15oz. I am going to see him tomorrow! I'll have lots of pictures! O by the way when I saw his picture for the first time. My son sent it to me shortly after he was born. I cried!

I am sooo emotional these days!

I am sooo emotional these days. A while back you might remember I how I blogged about getting off of the medication for panic attacks. Well apparently this medication also helps hold back too much emotion. SO for two years my emotions have been on hold.....I did not realize this I was still emotional but apparently not my normal emotional. (That is what my daughter told me.) Now I can cry at the drop of a hat. Don't sneak up and say boo, I will most likely cry.....Why am I harping on this now....well because I cried at work today. I have been talking about the changes I am making in life for this new year. It involves a program run by MUSC (Medical University of SC) wellness center and nutrition dept called Healthy Charleston Challenge. I found out about the program last October; sent in my application, talked to the lady in charge of picking teams a few times and as recent as the week of Christmas. I am ready to do this program it will be hard work but I need to do something to get healthy. I called today just to find out what was next and was told I was not on a team! I was shocked! When I asked why she told me I hadn't paid the fee. I asked her when the fee needed to be paid because that was why I was calling and she told me DEC 10! I was shocked again!! I had talked to this woman several times and although she did tell me what the fee was she never told me when the fee needed to be paid. She said I did not seem as if I was going to be committed because I did not pay. This is when the tears started to flow. I have been looking forward to doing this program for months! I told her I would call her back and hung up the phone because I could not talk at this point. I went into the bathroom and cried my face red. Then I got control of my self told myself told myself I would do it on my own somehow and went back to clinic. I got a page shortly after as I was trying to eat my lunch, it was her again. She told me about how she did not think I was committed and I told her I was, how I realize this is going to be hard work because I have tried many times in the past and it has not worked and I needed to change my whole lifestyle because I would not be around long if I keep up my style. She talked a little more, yes I was emotional again, and then told me she would let me in if I could pay now. This really upset me because my husband has not worked for a few weeks and I have no extra money now. I told her this; she told me to come to the pre-test Tuesday and bring what money I could and pay her the rest later. Now I was crying because I was happy! I told her I would, then left the office again cried like a baby in the ladies room, waited until my face was no longer red and returned to work.
This was an emotional day for me! WOW! On top of that my mom fell at work a few days ago(Praise the Lord she did not break anything! She is bruised but ok) but because of this is not going to be able to go see my brother at the end of the month so she called me between phone calls from the challenge lady crying and upset.
According to my daughter this is my normal self, but I do not think it is normal. I think I am too emotional!

Re-Focus

Today at church the pastor's lesson was on re-focusing our lives. Ne Year, new life as in the last post. After being home from church for a while I got a major sinus headache and had to drug up and lay down. I woke up about 9pm with the pain even worse in my head. So again I drugged up and went back to bed. I woke up to the LOUD snoring of my husband. I had the sermon on my mind. We are in a small group that meets every Wednesday. The leader is in the air force and was sent to Germany for a few months so my husband has agreed to take over leadership while he is gone. When Kev is working that leaves me to lead the group. SO I started reading the lesson the correlates from the sermon. I red the scriptures but did not feel satisfied so I did a little search of my own. The first week is on the relationship we should have with Jesus. SO I searched out how Jesus picked the disciples, then friends, then eternity. In Exodus 33:11 Moses speaks of his face to face talks with the Lord. WOW! Now God wants this relationship with me! One of the ways to re-focus in the sermon was to memorize scripture. I decided to so this so my scripture for this week is:
Isaiah 43:13 Even from eternity, I am He, and there is no one who can deliver out of My hand; I act and who can reverse it.
This verse jumped out at me as I was reading. It comforts me because I know I am in the Lords hand and no one or thing can remove me from His hand.

Now since it is 2:42am and I have to go to work in the morning I will go back to bed since my headache is now gone I think I will go to work today. I had myself convinced I would have to call off. So good night to y'all.

A New Year a New Beginning

2009 a brand new year, a brand new beginning. Every year we have a chance to look back at the passing year and begin again with a whole new year. How many times we make resolutions and break them before the end of the week. I know I have broken a few in the past. Well this year I have decided to trust God with what I need to do. Right now my diabetes medicine is not working again. My disease is out of control. For the nurses in who read this the past three weeks it has not been uncommon to check my blood sugar at the end of the day and even in the morning and find it above 200; a few times above 300. I usually have no symptoms when it is high. I get bad symptoms when it is low vertigo, nausea, headache...
I also have a complication of the disease called gastroparesis. What this does is basically my stomach does not digest food. It does either on of two things it goes right through me literally, or it just lumps in my stomach causing me to feel nauseated and sick. It is worse when the blood sugar is high.
SO I have prayed about this a lot. I have a grandson and a new one on the way I want to be around for them like my grandmother was there for me.(She is 95!) So I am putting my physical life in the Lords hands. I joined a program at work called Healthy Charleston Challenge. It is a diet, exercise and nutrition program. It starts Jan 15, so because I do not want to want any more and I am following the first two weeks of the South Beach Diet. It is basically a protein diet with green vegetables, some fats. What the first two weeks do is break the carbohydrate craving which will be a good thing for me. The plan is to start Monday. My husband is doing the South Beach thing with me too. I just want to be healthy. Diabetes is a crazy thing because it kills you slowly without a symptom. When the sugar is too high it kills your kidneys, eyes and other organs, can also lead to a stroke which runs in my family. When it is too low it messes with your head. Right now besides the one complication everything else is fine. I would like to keep it that way for a long long time, Lord willing.
So I will start every day with the Lord and pray for my diet through out the day, the challenge will add more exercise to my life so that will be good. Its a new year and a brand new life. I can do all things with Him who strengthen me.

Happy New Year Blogging Friends!