Counting my Blessings

I have been posting my rants lately so i wanted to post some positives and count my blessings.

1. I have a awesome saviour who loves me enough to die for me and because of Him I am free.
2. I have a terrific husband ...He is my other half...perfectly matched for me. he protects me from what ever and mostly from myself..
3. I have two terrific children....
4. I have a terrific son and daughter in law...I could not have picked better matches for my kids.
5. I have GRANDCHILDREN!!!!! and I am going to get more!!!! Right now my Ethan is 4, he is so sweet and smart, my Asher,he is adorable and ready to move...soon, very soon Remy will be here, I can't wait to meet him and in December another new grand...
6. I have a career I love... the job gets me down sometimes but I love what I do.
7. Kevin has a good job...with chance for advancement and many sites
8. We have a nice home and can afford to run it..
9. I am relatively healthy....I have a few health problems but they are manageable
10. Kevin, my kids, their spouses and children are all healthy
11. My parents are great...after a nasty divorce God worked magic and now I have 3 terrific parents....I love them all...
12. There are many many more and I thank the Lord for all my blessings!!!!

I should have known

I have never been the kind of person who thinks I should be married to my job. I do have a good career and want to further my career but not at the expense of my life and family.They have always been first and work second. I changed from working the day shift to the night shift because of my health. I am a diabetic as many of you know and it is just much easier to control my blood sugars working the night shift because it is not as fast paced as the day shift. I can take my medicine and eat meals at regular intervals. I talked to my boss about this and she agreed that I should do whatever I needed to to be healthy. Next my son and his family are coming in for one weekend next month; I requested it off. I put in the paperwork needed. I am working on Friday. This is bad because they come in early Friday spend the Friday and Saturday and then leave early Sunday morning. SO working Friday night takes literally both days away from me. When I saw this along with the fact that a day shift had been thrown in there I was soo mad I could not talk. I must have looked the part to because several people asked me if I was ok; I told them I was just upset about the schedule and could not say anything more. I actually had a lump in my throat when talking to them.
My biggest prolem is I have been a nurse for 14 years. I have paid my dues with working flip flop days/nights in the same week schedules. I have worked every holiday, I have worked the crappy schedules. I think I should be able to claim something for that siniorty! Most of the floor are new nurses who have been nurses for less that 1-2 years and they cry and complain when they do not get their way so they get their way! I am sorry it is not FAIR!!!! I do not cry and complain I usually go with the flow and do what needs to be done but this time I am just mad about it!
I am sorry this is not my usual chipper self posting. I am upset and need to vent and this is my forum. I am going to send a email to my boss and the schedule maker and let them know I can only work one shift and since night sshift is working for my health that is the shift I want to work and since there are openings on that shift I do not see a problem with this since I talked to my boss about it before and she agreed. If I need to get a doctors excuse stating this I am sure I can.
Thank you for letting me vent my frustration.

I took some pictures today

Just a few pictures from around the house. First is a magnolia tree bloom. I love magnolias. I will try to get a picture of a full bloomed one too.I like this tree thought it was pretty.

This is a flower hanging on my porch.

This is from the rose bushes in my front yard.

I have always loved just taking pictures. I think the beauty around us shows us the glory of God. He gave us beauty all around us. I love taking pictures of this beauty. I will share from time to time. I actually want to make a few scrapbooks when I get my room ready. Tomorrow I am headed to the beach maybe I will get some good pictures there.

Random Thoughts

These are random thought that have been swimming round in my head and now it time to get out there. Just get them out of my head.

• I have been listening to the book Eat, Pray, Love. (I listen to books on my ipod while I am driving the radio gets so boring sometimes.) Anyhow I have been listening to this book and it is just a rambling of one woman's journey over a year. It is quite boring sometimes. It has just been making me think I could do this. I could write a book. That is mainly why I started my other blog to write short stories and poems. I think I might spend some time writing over the summer.
• I have had some issues with the not so nice part of the family again. It amazes me why people are so mean. It makes me mad and it also makes sad. I get mad because they think the things the do to get back at me are really just hurting my grandmother. I think mean evil thoughts like God please make them pay and then I think what miserable lives they must have to keep up all this meanness.
• For years I have been looking forward to this or to that and going about my days. I know God has plans for me in the future; I have decided not to live in the future. This is going to be a hard one. I actually live my life on my calender. I have events or something planned at least until the end of the year. I don't think I will stop planning. I will just stop obsessing and live for today. I am, going to totally enjoy this summer. O I will be running from coast to coast to see y new grand son but I will be having fun!
• I FINALLY GRADUATED!!! School is over I am waiting to get my degree in the mail. I did not walk. Now I have the whole summer off before I start the masters program. I know finally what i want to do I want to be a Clinical Nurse Specialist that way I can still do the work I love helping patients and staff in a cancer setting. I am also going to get certified in cancer, oncology,. The test for that is in November but I have to apply by July 7.

I could probably write more and may do that soon but it is time to go to bed. Good night all.

My body is getting older

I sometime feel much older than I am. I sometimes feel much younger than I am. My mind sometimes thinks I am still a young 20 something then I wake up and my body reminds me I am not. I woke up yesterday morning feeling a bit shaky, I looked at the number on the glucometer and it was low. I ate quickly to get the number up and the shakiness continued. When this happens I feel my insides shaking. I literally feel my whole insides shaking. I try to get passed it and I can not; no matter what I try to do I feel the shaking inside. So I reteat and head back to bed. When I am in my bed and sleeping I do not have to deal with it. My body will adjust itself as I sleep and the world passes me by.

I know who I am and how old I am. I also know the Lord loves me. When I have moments like that above I can not think passed the black whole that my feeling put me in. But I know "the show must go on" to quote Freddie Mercury of Queen (now I am really showing my age). SO today is a new day. I got read my devotion for the day in Psalm 113 where David talks about being in the pit and trusting in God to get him through. So today I will trust Him and He will keep me going.

Every time I visit home

Every time I visit home I am so homesick. I would move back tomorrow if I could and I do not know why this happened all the sudden. I have been away from Pittsburgh for 14 years. Maybe it is because my grandma is getting so old and is in a home. Maybe its because my kids are grown and not coming back to South Carolina. Maybe its because Maybe its because my dad will not be coming down for a few months in the winter time any more.I do not know why all I know is I am sooo homesick. I look at houses all over town and think we could live there. But Kev would need to leave the company he is with now and that would not be a wise idea. But maybe, we can get close.......
That is what I am praying for these days.

God is Good ALL the Time

Just a note to add to the last post read it first!
The young girl I spoke of let me pray with her this morning and she excepted the Lord!!!!!!

I am human I make mistakes but God is Greater!

Last night was a very busy night at work. I did take a few minutes to blog but the rest of the night I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I had two admissions, along with my three original patients. MY first admission was a young lady who was in a lot of pain, and needed bunches of attention. I was trying to make sure I took care of my patients and got everything done. When morning came I gave report and had a feeling I forgot something,but was soo tired and worn out I could not even think of what it was. On the ride home I realized I forgot to chart on a patient. OOPS!! In nursing we have to chart an assessment (check up) every shift it is the divine rule of nursing!! Another rule in nursing is "if it is not charted it is not done!" SO naturally I was upset by this but half way home I could do nothing and knew I was coming back in tonight so I could back time the note and chart tonight for the work I did last night. Problem is the nurse who picked up the patient told my boss I did not chart on 2 patients actually! I had thought I only missed one. I was feeling sorry for my self and beating myself up because I got an email from my boss to come see her about the issue. A little while after I was walking down the hall still beating myself up for being "stupid bad nurse who does not do her job" I heard my name being called from a patients room. It was the sister of a patient I had taken care of a few years back. She was now a patient and with the same cancer her sister had died from. She told me her son had recognized me. This son had also taken care of her sister when she was sick. I sat and talked to her a while. She was such a blessing to my heart. Just when I was feeling like I was a horrible bad nurse God let this woman tell me how much I had done for her sister and that they would always remember me and she prayed for me always! She got me up to speed on her own illness and told me how her son was doing a wonderful job of taking care of her now. Then I told her to get some rest and I would stop back in the morning to see her before I go.

A little while later, my patient the young girl with the pain from the night before called me to her room. We talked a bit, I gave her pain medications she ask for. While we were talking I noticed she had a book from Max Lucado on her bed. I told her I like his writings and she told me her mom had given her the book and told her if she read it she would give her $50. The book is Fearless. I told her in the book he refers to the bible a lot and if she wanted to I would get her a bible to look up the scripture. (This young girl is in a tough place right now. She is sick in the hospital but after she is wheel she has signed herself in to a detox for drugs and alcohol.) I looked at the nurses station where I have seen bibles before and could not find one. I carry a new testament with psalms in my purse. It is a little thing a patient gave me a few years ago. The writing is so tiny I can not read it anymore so I took it in to her. She thanked me several times in just the few minutes I stood in the room. I went in to check on her later and she was sleeping with the bible in her hands. The last time I gave her pain meds she told me she feel asleep with the bible and thanked me again. She said she could tell from how it was worn that I had it a while and it must be special to me. I told her I got it from a patient a few years ago. She thanked me again for giving her my special bible.
When I have time at night when I work I go for a walk and stop by the chapel to spend some quiet time for God. Tonight when I stopped I had some special prayers of thanks for my God who wanted me to know this is exactly where I should be right now and exactly want He wants me to be doing.

I chose the High Road

Today, actually yesterday was a crazy day. It is 4am now on Friday. It was Thursday that was crazy. Early Thursday am I was sitting here at work. I had a few minutes so I checked my facebook. I got a new message, I went to look to see who it was from and my heart sunk. It was from my cousin, who's mom has been stirring things up where my grandmother is concerned. Before I even read the message I got a sick feeling in my stomach. Once I read it I knew why. It was mean and vicious and actually at one point threathening stating I should not even attempt to go to my grand mother's funeral. SHE IS NOT EVEN DEAD YET!!!!!

I stewed about it, my stomach grew sicker. I forwarded it to my family for some assistance. Census in the family was to do this or that. I went home and went to bed and tried to sleep so I could come to work tonight. It took a while but I finally did sleep. When I woke I found the family to still be stirring about this. Apparently he can not ban me from the funeral home, church service or grave yard service no matter who pays for the funeral. I found out my nephew (actually my cousin's son the sister of the message sender) got a letter himself only his was a little more threatening. My nephew sent me a message on how to report this person for sending a message like this on facebook and block him from seeing anything I ever do on facebook myself. So I did this. As for what else I was going to do. I gave it much thought. The message was ugly and mean; every part of me wanted to scream back, punch back or defend myself. There was a smaller voice inside telling me to take the high road and not even acknowledge this craziness. That is what I chose to do. I will not acknowledge this person, as far as I am concerned I can no longer hear this person or the evil venom he spews. I will honor my grandmother while she is alive and after she dies and not do anything to disrupt the her memory. She is a wonderful lady and has been the best grandmother a girl could have. So I chose the high Road. As the old saying goes "the squeaky wheel gets all the attention." I choose not to squeak, so the attention will not be on me.

I have an idea

I read a post by a blogging friend of mine. She was talking about house cleaning. My idea is to start a bible study on facebook. I will invite all the women I know and we will have a bible verse to read once a week and then we can discuss on the page what we think of the passage or what was revealed to you as you read it. Or we can use a bible study book. It could work for us who are seperated across the country we could study together and spend time with the Lord sharing with each other. What do you think?