Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Challenging day for me

There has to be prologue to this post to help y'all understand my challenge. About 2 years ago I suffered from severe panic attacks to the point where I could not get out of bed for almost 2 months. We had thought we were moving out of state. Our house sold in less than a week and there was no where for us to live. We did not know what the plan was or where we were going. I had quit my job because I thought there would be a move and did not look like it was happening. I had lost complete control of my life. At the same time the doctor had tried me on a new medication for my diabetes which kept bottoming out my blood sugar. I would get really shaky and then have a panic attack to point of which I felt like I was having a heart attack. I went back to my doctor who had never seen me like this so she started me on a medication called Effexor. It really helped.
The doctor said this is a medication you really should not be on for the rest of your life. Now it has been two years and I do not think I need the medication any more. So I talked about it with my doctor and we agreed to taper off the medication. Today was the first day. I feel fine just tired. But, considering I just got over pertussis maybe I should still be tired. Today I find my self analysing every feeling I have like....... I woke up nauseated this morning and OMG my blood sugar must be low so without even checking it I ate something. Then realized today was the first day of the taper and started thinking am I feeling now..... how am i feeling now..... I am doing this to myself. I know this because the medication has not yet had a chance to make any changes. But I am fearful it will happen again. I only have to put my trust in Jesus and stop letting my own mind sike me out. I have my couple small group bible study tonight at 6:30. Kevin is working I am trying to decide if I want to go...... I'll let you know later....

1 comment:

Washer Mom Val said...

Hang in strong. God is watching over you and so are all your blog friends in Christ.