Today was my dad's birthday. I have to tell you a bit about him because I think he is a special guy! He is 69 today. He is 20 years older than me, don't do the math yes I am that old now. Any how let me tell you about my dad. When I was growing up I considered myself Daddy's little girl and I still do today. If you ask any one they will tell you that. I have always been my dad's biggest cheerleader and will be. He is the reason why I am a Christian today. When I was a teenager I was awful. I did not like my step dad and told him everyday he was not my dad and many other not so nice things. I spent all my weekends with my dad step mom and step-sisters(actually they are just my sister but did not want to confuse anyone). When I was 17 I ran away from home after a fight with my sister (my same mom and dad sister) and moved in with my dad and his family; which at that time was my dad, step mom and step sister Ann(again just sister but well you get the picture). My dad and step mom were Christians. My sister and I were not. We were typical teenagers doing teenage things. Dad took us to church a few times and even took us to see a movie called The Rapture. Gotta tell ya that movie scared me to death. Especially when dad would come home and leave all the doors open and the car in the drive way and be no where to be found. My sister and I would FREAK.
My dad is a great man of God. He is honest and loving. He only wants the best for all of us, even my brothers who have a different dad. He loves them too. My husband has known him since he was 17 years old and considers him his dad too. He introduces him as his dad and mine. I am honored that God has given this man to me to teach me and lead me and my husband in the Christan faith.
We had a wonderful day. Dad and Barb came to church with us and we went to lunch with my sister's family(the sister who lives here by me. All together there are 8 of us my mom and dad had four girls; My step mom had two girls and my mom married and had two boys)
I just wanted to let everyone know how I have been blessed with this man in my life. He is my teacher, a great spiritual leader and most of all he is my Daddy and I love him very much.
I was supposed to be visiting with my son and his family. They were supposed to come down last night and spend the weekend. I was supposed to be playing with my grandson and listening to his cute giggle. But instead I am cleaning and doing laundry while Kevin is painting and spackling in the other room. It snowed in the upstate last night and is still snowing now. I do not want them to drive in the snow or on bad roads but I was really looking forward to it. It really makes me sad that my kids are both away. I wish they lived right down the street and I could visit when ever I wanted. I want the dream. I want my grand kids coming to my house just to spend the night because they want to. I want to play with them every day. I want to see them grow. My son's son started walking and I missed his first couple steps. It makes me sad. My daughter is pregnant and I want to babysit and spend time with my other grandson the big brother but they live all the way across the country. I try not to think about it too much because it makes me sad. This empty nest thing really has some low moments ya know. I even thought about maybe adopting a young child but my husband thinks I am crazy.
Any how I guess I will go to see what it going on maybe get some lunch since I did not eat any yet.
The first part to overcoming a problem or addiction is admitting it. Well that's what I am doing I have a problem with food. It is far worse than just needing to go on a diet. I am a diabetic and I am a nurse. I know the complications. I know the risks. Yet I still eat the wrong things and at the wrong times. Sometime before I even realize what I am doing I am eating something. It scares me sometimes really. I pray about it all the time and still I eat way too much. O not when everyone is looking or when there are people around but when I am alone late at night mostly.Kevin will go to bed and I will eat left over dinner at 11o'clock at night. Then I feel bad because I ate that late and before I know it I have eaten more. I even think about eating when I am trying to fall asleep. Thought of left over dinner, or a bowl of cereal, or just a piece of peanut butter toast will arouse me from a almost sleep state and I HAVE to get up and eat something. My blood sugars are not good. I am having to change my medication again.last year at this time I was on a rigorous diet and exercise program. I lost 15 pounds then got sick and lost 15 more. 30 pounds! I have gained all but 5 pounds back. I need help but I do not know where to go. I have joined Curves but never go. I feel helpless!Dear Lord, You know my heart and my desire to do this please help me to gain control of this and do what I need to do. I scared Lord. I need food to live but it seems i live to have food. It consumes my thoughts when I am alone. I want to be around to see my grandchildren graduate high school, get married and have children. I will not be there if I do not get this under control please help me.
ok, here I am sitting at work charting on my patients. My phone dings in my pocket I pull it out to find a picture of my brother in law who had surgery yesterday. My mom sent it to me so I responded by asking what she was doing.I mean he was sleeping. I had talked or actually texted my sister this morning and she told me he was doing ok. So I thought it was weird that I got a picture of him sleeping from my mom. I mean he is sleeping ok thats great! Why am I getting a picture on my phone.I have to admit I do love my blackberry and I love getting pictures of my grandkids but my mom sends me randon pictures I never know what I am going to get. Maybe a picture of my grandmother, a randon neice or nephew picture or maybe some snow in her yard or something. I know these new phones are a joy but at times it can be dangerous like in the hands of people weho take random pictures and just share with everyone. Mom told me my sister sent her the picture so she just wanted to share.I dont know about you but I think it is weird
Here I am awake again in the wee hours of the morning. I am wondering if I should maybe start working the night shift again because I can never seem to get to sleep at night. I have such a hard time getting up for work in the morning. Today I have a class a boring class. I am sure it will put me to sleep but I have to go and have to take it to make all the paperwork look good. It is a preceptor class. I have actually been precepting new nurses for as long as I have been on the floor but never took a preceptor class, so the powers that be said I must have this calss in my file. Next week will be another class like this a charge nurse class which I have been doing since a few moths after I started. I was actually thinking lately maybe I could work weekend nights. Fri and Sat would be my nights then I have to work one other it would probally be Thursday. Until school starts in the fall that may be an idea. Nights pay more and weekend nights pay more than that. O well I do not know I guess I will see what happens.I am going to try to get some sleep now. Good night all
OK so I have an appointment with the ENT Dr. The funny thing is I work with these doctors every day. SO I will most probably see one of the residents I work with. Does that make me feel weird? I do not think so. After all they are only looking at my sinuses its not like I have to strip and wear the paper gown for them. I wanted to have this appointment last year when my doctor talked to me about it....but with only my insurance I would have to pay a huge amount. So I waited...and now have had to deal with another infection..There is a problem with our health care and I believe it needs to be fixed. The problem is lawyers suing for everything under the sun. I can not watch even an hour of TV with out a lawyer add asking me if I have taken this drug because it cause this side effect. Every drug has side effects! The patient knows the risks before they take the medication! Every prescription is handed out with a list of side effects for the patient to read! There should be no need for suing the drug companies! If all this was stopped the doctors could practice medicine with out worrying who was going to sue them over what issue!
I am feeling better today. I did nothing but sleep most of the day. I did some computer and school work but not much of anything else. I woke up around 10 played on the computer till about 12. Layed down till about 2 got a shower and wanted to get some stuff done but after the shower I was so tired again. I layed down about 3 woke up at 5:30 and here I am now after laying on the couch for a while watching TV. This being sick thing really wears you out. I felt like I was hit by a bus. So now that I have slept the day away I am thinking it is time to think healthy. My blood sugars were good today. New medicine seems to be working or maybe the fact that I haven't eaten much today is the reason. We shall see in the days ahead. Tomorrow I have a few phone calls to make: call the ENT Dr to to get an appointment for these sinus infections I keep getting. I already have an appointment for the dentist next week so that is taken care of. I need to think healthy thoughts and maybe that will help me feel better in the long run.
I am so tired of being sick and tired. I am going to a specialist for my sinus as soon as I can make the appointment I will call them tomorrow. It seems like I have had a million sinus infections this year. One that landed me in the hospital after a extended period of antibiotics that gave me nausea and other stuff that shall go nameless we all know what it is. It is awful has you chained to your bathroom because you never know when it will strike. I am sorry for whining but....Ok looking on the brighter side of life. I applied for the Nurse Practitioner program at MUSC (Medical University of South Carolina). Now the long wait to see if I got in. I think I am going to apply with South University too, the school I go to now. Ok time to go to bed in the spare bed room so I do not keep my husband up again all night because of my coughing.
I am sitting here at 3am again this year I made the vow to take care of myself so why am I sitting here at 3am. Well, I got the first of the year cold, sinus infection and cough that is keeping me from sleeping. This is a bad thing not only because my head feels like it will explode soon and my chest is tight from the infection moving down but I was supposed to work today. I wanted to try not to miss so much work this year. That is two goals shot down before the middle of the first month. Since I am having no luck with the resolutions I set for myself I am going to put my focus and attention on God. He is my rock and my salvation. I will try to remember that everyday. I am going to attend a women bible study at my old church with a few of my friends from there. I need a continuity partner that can keep me on track. I am also joining a weight loss program at work to keep me on track with that. My blood sugars have been awful. I am a nurse I know better and still I eat foods that make my blood sugar rise or too much of the good stuff. I have two grandchildren and one on the way so I want to be around for a while. I need to take care of myself.So I know by focusing on my Rock and my Salvation I can do the right thing; or at least know what is right. So right now I vow to loose 31 lbs in this year and keep it off!
