I am off for a few days

I am off now for a few days. My husbands brother and his wife came to spend the week with us. Yesterday was Kevin's birthday, I had to work he spent it with his brother and his wife. I got home from work at 6:30-7 pm made a birthday dinner had b day cake and went to bed by 10. Today I had to go to work and had my evaluation at work. It was very good. I was inspired yesterday at work and wrote a little article this morning before my clinic started and sent it to my bosses about what cancer nursing should be. If I remember I will attach it here when I get back to work. I got to leave work at 1pm today and now I go back on Friday. SO I am going to enjoy the next two days off with our family. Going to a show in Myrtle Beach tomorrow. Then heading to Beaufort SC on New Years day to look around. Talk to you soon. Still waiting for the arrival of Asher John. I'll keep y'al posted.

A wonderful evening

Yesterday my husband and I traveled to Greenville, SC to spend some time with my son and his wonderful wife. They are expecting our new grandson any time now, although he is due on Jan 15. I haven't seen them since Sharon was here the week before Thanksgiving. We were buying the car seat/stroller so Asher John McClelland (my new grandson's name when he gets here) could come home from the hospital.
We had a wonderful evening. They live with her parents so we were just driving up visiting and coming home. (3 hour drive). It was truly wonderful to spend time with them. They are both Christans so we could have some very good conversations. My son will finish school in the summer. They are trying to figure out what the next step is for them. They have looked into a possibility in Canada, and are thinking maybe of coming here for a few till the student loans are paid off. Then Bryan will go to seminary, If that is where the Lord leads him.

The visit was wonderful even talking about where the Lord may lead them. I felt a strange peace I do not feel when I talk to my daughter about the future. (I do not think she is a Christan.) I know the Lord will take care of them because He has plans for them. I love spending time with them and hope the Lord leads their journey here for a while but if not. I will deal with that at that time. Right now I am just waiting for my new grandson to appear!

Decisions.....not always easy to know the right way to go

Decisions is not always easy to make the right decision and/or to know which way the Lord is leading you. I am going to have to make a decision. I am a nurse, I think I told y'all that before. I work with oncology patients, mainly have worked with women's Cancers in the past but have worked with men also. Now I am working with a breast surgeon, and an endocrine surgeon in a clinic type setting. I love both of my doctors and my NP. I love being a nurse (I never want to give the impression I do not like being a nurse. I feel I was called to be a nurse. In fact if I won the lottery and got millions of dollars I would have a hard time staying away from nursing in some way.) OK now back to the decisions. Because of budget cuts we will be making changes in the ambulatory care facility where I work. I love spending time with patients either in person or on the phone how ever the patient needs me. I found out after Jan 09 our clinic style will change. The style was I work with specific doctor on their clinic days and have 1-2 days of down time to get behind the scenes work done like sick calls, other patient call like test results, need to get this test or that, charting what happened for each patient in my clinic, those type of things. The things that keep the nurse connected to the patient even after they have seen their doctor. Come Jan 09 the behind the scene days will be cut to 1/2 day. leaving barely enough time to chart.
On the other hand I recently talked to a nurse manager in the hospital to get extra shifts because of cut backs and calling me off. She hired me part time and told me I can work when ever and what ever shift I want. I have been thinking lately with all the changes coming to the clinics. Do I want to work full time in the hospital again? Pros of hospital work; I know what to expect (it is hard work), 3 12 hour shifts as apposed to 5 days a week, more money for off shifts. Cons it is hard, back breaking work,leave the doctors and people I work with ( I Love them), I will have to work week ends and holidays..
I am trying to weigh this all out in my brain......where does the Lord want me?......what does He want me to do?.. AM I struggling with this decision because the Lord is moving me to another place and I am rejecting His will?
I think what I have decided to do is wait around and see how bad or good the changes are then make my decision. I think I will try it out before I run from the change......even if I want to right now. .... What do you think????

Christmas does not feel the same......but still I rejoice

Hello all. Christmas is not the same for me since the kids have grown up and got married. Sharon lives in the north west with her family and her in-laws. Bryan and his wife live up state but money is tight for all and she is 8 months pregnant.

I remember when the kids were young. We would decorate the tree and put out all the lights. They got so excited to get ready for Christmas. Our biggest challenge each year was where to hide the gifts so my son would not find them. Christmas Eve we would go to spend the day with Kevin's family. We would have dinner then Santa would come. He would talk to all the kids and then we opened presents. Christmas day we got up early the kids opened their presents. We wnet to the 10am service at church then down to my dad's house to celebrate with my sisters. After dinner we would go to my grandmothers house see the rest of the family, my grandmother, aunt, uncle and cousins and their families and celebrate again. Food was everywhere, at everyplace. When we moved here we would celebrate all day with our family and maybe go see a movie but we were still a family together.

Now it is just Kevin and I. I haven't had Christmas at my house since Sharon moved out. We had CHristmas in Kentucky the year Sharon got married. I had Christmas in the north east with Sharon the year Ethan was born. Last year we celebrated on New Years the whole family came to town and we spent time together. This year just Kevin and I. I am blessed because my family are all healthy and have some kind of income, even if my son in law's is unemployment at this time he is in school to further his career and they are doing well.

I praise the Lord for my family.

At this time of year I try to focus on what the holiday is really about. It is about a babe in the manager who came to die so my family and I could have everlasting life. A gift of grace given before there was a me, before I had a family. He knew my name and He sent this special gift. Thank you Lord for my Christmas gift. I love and adore you.

Just a few thoughts

We have been hearing an abundance of news about the economy and GM bail out. I have some problems with that. I am sorry, I feel bad for all the workers who will lose their jobs but do not agree with the bail out.
I remember in 1980's my step dad worked for United States Steel. They went under and closed a ton of mills. There was no bail out package. There was no government help. My step dad lost his job along with hundreds of others. I remember how depressed he was and how bad things got for my family. There was no government help. My mom and step dad lost everything. He lost his job and his dignity. They lost the house we grew up in, it went up for sheriff's sale. They had to moved to another state with my younger brothers. My youngest sister was 18 so we stayed in Pennsylvania. The rest of the family moved to Maine. My step dad tried for many years to get another job. He got a few jobs but never anything substantial. Finally the stress of it all eventually took his health and then took his life. He died at the age of 43. He had a massive heart attack while training to become a truck driver. He made it home only to see my mom and go to the hospital. He died in the ambulance. My brothers were 14 and 15 years old.

SO I am sorry I do not get the bail out thing are we trying to make up for mistakes from the past? Will the bail out package make sales better in the future? Will the workers be able to continue to work there? Or will this bail out package just postpone the inevitable and GM will lay off hundreds of workers like US Steel did.

I do not mean to ugly or mean at Christmas time but the fact is this company can not make it anymore. Terrible as it sounds people will loose jobs. The money in the bail out package will not go to the layed off workers. It will go to management big wigs who made the bad decisions in the first place. If this bail out package went to workers like my step dad to pay their mortgage or keep the lights on I would be the first one to vote YES!! But it will not, those workers will never see a dime of the bail out money.
This subject has been weighing heavy on my mind lately. Like the title of my blog says these are just my thoughts.

I am back on line

Hello all. I am back on line. Gosh what did I do with myself before the internet? I can not imagine, I was lost for almost a week!

Lost Internet service

Hello all. I lost my internet service for a few days. I should be back on line by Tuesday. Sending this message from work. Can't be here long. hope all is well.

Feeling a bit Hum Bug

Today I think I may have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. I don't know why but I have been a bit blue all day. My husband called me to tell me the mill is shutting down for Christmas from 12/19 to 1/1. He has to use left over vacation time and next years vacation time so we have a pay check. Then my job I am a nurse so there will always be work for me, but I work for a state hospital who suffered a major loss last year. All I have been hearing is budget and cut backs till I could scream! I work in an out patient clinic which is where the crunch is felt. I am told they investigated several other clinics across the country and the have less nurses than we do.
Let me tell you what I do... I work in the clinic with two doctors both surgeons one breast cancer one endocrine. I see patients with them. In order to know what I am doing about 1-2 hours is spent before each clinic, Usually the day before, to prep for the clinic. I look up each patient find out why they are coming see if ordered tests were scheduled. Mainly so I know whats going on. After the clinic I must chart a note on each patient. I also get phone calls from patients of the docs I work with. I used to have at least 1 1/2 days to get all the behind the scenes work done now I have 1/2 if I am lucky. If I am not in a clinic I have been getting called off. Used all my vacation time so now I get called off with out pay.
SO I went into the hospital to see if they need work and I actually got hired for a part time position to get some hour to supplement my pay for days when I am called off. I am wondering should I just go back into the hospital. I like both. Other nurses tell me this to shall pass and we will be OK again. But I wonder how long can I do this feeling this blah!
The holidays are here and I feel humbug. We have no money right now to go shopping. Barely have enough to pay bills right now. Kevin is supposed to get his Christmas bonus this week. I am afraid to look forward to it. My work has already told us no bonus no pay raise this year.
So I changed my background and on Saturday we are going to get our tree half way between us and my son so they will meet us there and we will spend the day at the tree farm. I will keep trying to kick the humbug away from my Christmas spirit.

Been thinking a lot today

Yesterday was a very emotional day. Raw feelings open. The past two years my moms family who had once been very close with me cast me out because I helped my mom and let her and my grandmother move in with me. My mom made some bad decisions before that move and because of them I have been treated like an outcast to a family that I was once very close to. I am told the place where my Nana was placed although not pretty is a good place. She will be taken care of and have plenty of functions to keep her busy.
Just wanted to put a touch of background here. Today I have been thinking a lot. Maybe I was treated badly because the other family members were feeling like I was yesterday, as in my last post.
SO I decided to let God have control. He gave me two wonderful years with my grandmother here with me. It was wonderful to have her around again. Now it is time for her to go back home to Pittsburgh. I accept that. I trust God and I do not feel any guilt in any way where my grandmother is concerned. I have always made her a part of my life. I have never went more than 1 week to talk to her. I have been in SC for 12 years and have called her every week sometimes twice a week. The past two years have been a blessing from the Lord, and He is in control. I know that. I except it.

My Nana

My grandmother whom we have always called Nana is the white haired lady in the pictures. She will be 95 on December 15. She is a wonderful lady. I love her very much. She was born when her family was on their way to America from Italy in 1913. She lived and spent most of her life in Pittsburgh, PA. She worked until she was almost 80 years old before she could not work any more. In my eyes she has always been a strong lady. She is my friend, and grandmother. I have spent lots of time with her. She was a babysitter for my kids when they were little because my mom lived in another state. Sometimes we would just go visit and hang out, or go shopping for no reason at all. I have always spent lots of time with her until I moved to SC then I would call and talk to her several times a week. For the last 16 years my mom has lived with her and taken care of her because my aunt could not and would not. Up until May 2007 my mom lived in the house she grew up in with my grandmother. After my son got married my mom got sick and moved here for me to help her with my grandmother; because none of the other family could or would. That includes my aunt, Nana's only other child, my cousins three of them, my two sisters and my brother. Mom decided to move here because my other sister and I were here. She lived in my house with my grandmother for one whole year without any help from above family. My aunt and her family did however gripe about how my mom spent my grandmother's money. (Her social security check she got once a month. For some reason they thought she should have bunches of money, but all she got was $1000 a month to live on and pay for her insurance and life necessities.) When it got to the point that my mom could not take care of her anymore my Nana was placed in a very nice, really nice, nursing home here in SC. My aunt and her family, my uncle is in charge of Nana's money, decided she should move back to Pittsburgh. SO they made mom feel awful and started proceedings to move Nana to a nursing home in Pittsburgh.

She moved yesterday. It was a bad day for us here. I drove them to the airport at 4am. Explained to my Nana several times ( she kept forgetting) where she was going, and that I would not be there. She kept asking me where I would be. I told her I live here and probably would not be able to see her for a little while because of winter weather in the mountains. She would agree then ask in a few minutes. "I am going there, you are staying here?" Every time making the lump ion my throat bigger and bigger. I kissed and hugged her good bye at the gate knowing in my heart this may be the last time I see her.(I cried all the way home!)

Mom said when they got there her sister and my sister met her. My Aunt took Nana in her car and my sister took my mom. They went to the place my aunt had set up for Nana. Mom said it was like going form Taj Mahal to the ghetto! The place in Pittsburgh is a state run nursing home. Once they got to the place my grandmother will stay my Nana just started to cry! She told my mom she did not belong there because all the people there were crazy, sitting in the halls around the nursing station mumbling, and screaming, talking nonsense to no one at all. Mom tried to explain it was not all like that.

My aunt told my mom on the ride from the airport Nana kept asking for my mom. My aunt told mom not to tell Nana she was leaving to come back home here so she would not be sad about it. We, all mom's kids including me,told her "DO NOT LEAVE THERE WITHOUT EXPLAINING WHY SHE IS THERE!! THIS IS NOT YOUR DECISION BUT THEIRS AND NANA SHOULD KNOW YOU DID NOT DO THIS TO HER!" I called mom several times yesterday she was a mess.

I do not understand why it was important to move her from a place where she was happy just because they want her around when they think they need her. Here my mom sister and I were there at least once a week most times more.We took her out on trips to the store or out to dinner, she came to my house for every little thing I did here. Up there although there is more family around I know in my heart she will get as much company as often. My biggest problem is for almost 2 years nobody bothered to come here to visit her; and when mom took her up there they did not spend much time with her either! ( my sisters and brother did my aunt and her family did not)

I have such strong angry feelings towards them (my aunt and her family) for doing this and causing all the turmoil they have for the last 2 years. They would never have taken care of my gram like my mom did and would have continued to do. They only were thinking about their own selfishness. They want her there because we might want to see her sometime. Why are some families so SELFISH!!

I do not know when I will get a chance to go back to Pittsburgh. My son and his wife are about to have a baby. Nana is no longer here to see our baby. We will have to bring the baby to her. It makes me sad.

Everyone has gone home

Everyone has gone home and got there safely. My sister Kelli and niece Ja'Liah were the last to leave and return home safely. It was so wonderful to be around all the family....Especially my kids....but it hurts so much when they leave. I found my self today a little emotional as I dropped my sister Kellie and niece off at the airport. I did not get to spend much time with her this week. My other sister monopolized most of Kellie's time....Its a long story I would rather not elaborate. It just makes me sad I had such plans to talk about God with my new Christan sister Kellie; but she was whisked off to bon fires and parties with my other sister. I am trying not to be bitter about it but it hurts my feelings that my other sister made Kellie feel guilty enough so she went with her.......and I got to spend time with her after midnight on the day she was supposed to spend with me....
Not really expecting a comment or response just wanted to vent my feelings... Thank you for letting me do that.

I choose to give thanks to our God

In the picture my grandmother, Sharon, my daughter, Ethan my grand son and me.

First I give thanks to my Lord and saviour for my salvation and salvation of my family.

Second I am thankful for my family. My husband loves me, supports me and protects me. My beautiful daughter, who would have a fit if she knew I called her beautiful. But, she is and I thank the Lord for her. She thinks she is tough but I know her, she is tough on the outside but loving on the inside. My wonderful son, he is so sweet and cute and a man of God. I do believe the Lord has big plans for him some day. My son and daughter in law both of them are very special to me. I believe God picked them for my children to love and protect them. My terrific grand son Ethan, he is the apple of my eye. I thank the Lord for him every day and thank God for modern technology the lets me see him from time to time and talk to him. I also thank God for my new grandson Asher John who will be born Jan 15 if he waits that long.

My parents are wonderful and a blessing from God. Sometimes I have to bop mom but she is great. My dad and step mom are just plain good people and I love to spend time with them. My grandmother will be 95 years old on December 15, I thank God for her. I also thank God for all my brother and sisters I have 7 with step and halves but as far as I am concerned they are just my brothers and sisters.

I thank God for the friends he has given me. I thank God for my blog friends, those close and those across the miles.

Thank you Lord for all you do for me!

I am trying to hold it together

Hello everyone. I am tyring to hold it together today.... My daughter's last day here.....I probably will not see her again for about 6 months or my precious grandson.....My son is going home to upstate, SC to night. He lives about 3.5 hours away....My sister in law and my dad will leave Monday morning.....At least I do not have to drive to Charlotte to drop of Sharon alone..My sister in law is riding with me so we can be sad together on the 3 hour drive back home.
I haven't posted for a while so I hope all is well. I will catch up all the posts I missed when everyone goes home....:(

Need a miracle......Please pray

Hello all
Sharon, my daughter, just found out her next store neighbor's grand son who was hurt from an ATV (4 wheeler) may be in dire trouble. The doctor's called the family to his bedside yesterday. They think he may not make it. He is seven years old. His dad let him ride the ATV by himself;he flipped it; breaking several bones his pelvis, legs, arms, ribs, knee caps and clavicle. Dad found him 1 hour later. (That part is a whole other story...) Can you please say a pray for him today....Maybe the Lord will make a miracle recovery for this little boy. Sharon does not remember his name but her neighbor's name is Brenda........
Thank you

I am having so much fun!!! The week has just begun.

They're Here!!!

They are here. Both Sharon and Ethan sleeping in my spare bedroom. So I may not be here as often for the next week.

Today is the DAY!!!!!!!

Today is the day!!!!! I am so excited and nervous and did I say excited. I have not seen them since May. I have to drive to Charlotte,NC to meet them. They save $500 by flying into Charlotte instead of here. SO I am leaving in a few minutes to make the 3 hour drive to Charlotte!
I'll let ya know when we get home.

Great day.......Wonderful night

Hello... Today was a great day. I got some shopping done...(maybe a little too much.) I had to buy Ethan (my grandson) some toys to have here at my house and other running around things. Tonight we celebrated my friend Karan's birthday with a spa type pampering theme. Her favorite color is pink so I thought I'd post in pink. Birthday girl would be the one in the tiara. We laughed and celebrated by pampering Karan and ourselves. We had massage chairs, did pedicures and manicures, and of course we had cake, pizza and chocolate...What more could a girl want! Right? We had a terrific time. Some of the girls are spending the night others of us had to get home.. Have a great night and I will be back tomorrow.....

Tomorrow I pick up Sharon and Ethan from the airport!!!!! I am so excited I can not wait to see them...

Excitement.....Celebration....and still one more day till my daughter gets here

Hello all. I got some exciting news in the mail today. I made the Dean's list last semester!!! I got an official letter and a certificate. I am so excited! I have never made the Dean's list or honor roll in my life!! I am back in nursing school on line getting my bachelor's degree then going for my masters, I think.

Only one more day until I see my babies!

2 more days and counting!!!!!

I can not wait to see my babies!!! Sharon sent me some videos of Ethan dancing to his cds. I am so excited I am going to dance and play all week with them!! I was looking for some newer pictures but I do not have any. Next week I will take many and post for y'all to see.

Missing my kiddos

Tonight I checked my face book page and saw pictures of my son and daughter in law at her baby shower last Sunday several hours away from me. I was unable to go to the shower. It made me sad to see my son and daughter in law celebrating with her family. Don't get me wrong Elise's family are wonderful people. I just get jealous sometime I guess. My daughter was pregnant across country from me now my daughter in law is pregnant away from me. I only have two kids. Both of them are away from me and so are my grandchildren while the families of their spouses are right there. I try to be the bigger person but sometimes it just makes me sad! I have nothing else to say about that.

I can rejoice because I will see them ALL next week. My daughter and grandson will be here in 4days. My grandson called today and told me "Memaw I am ready to get on a plane and come to your house!" I am so excited I can not wait to see them!

Pearl Harbor the Movie......Veterans Day

I just watched the end of Pearl Harbor the Movie with Ben Affleck. I have seen it before so I did not ruin myself forever by seeing the end. It is a great movie if you have never seen it. I love Ben. He reminds me of my younger brother I do not know why. But he does. When Ben cries in a movie it tugs at my heart strings. I am not afraid to say I cry with him. EVERY TIME! Any how, the movie is a good historical movie for those who like that with a love story and touch of drama a love triangle, and let us not forget WWII.

It just makes me think of those men and women who are fighting for our country now over seas. I may not always agree with the war but I think the veterans fighting and retired deserve our respect and honor. My daughter and son in law were both in the army and could have gone to Iraq or Afghanistan. When I asked them why they would want to do that both of them simply replied. "It is my job, that is what I do." Their term ended before either of them had to go, I thank the Lord for that! But I know others have sons, daughters, moms, dads, brothers and sisters over there. I think we should all say a prayer for them as we go through our day tomorrow. They deserve it.

Five more days....

Five days.....I am so excited. I talked to Ethan my grand son today he wants to go to the beach!! SO when he gets here to the beach we will go!!

One more week......I am so excited....

Hello my blogging friend. I am so excited because on Saturday.. In just 6 short days I go the airport to pick up my daughter and my grandson!!!!! I have not seen them since spring and I can not wait to see them! This is a picture of me with my daughter and grandson at my son's wedding last year. I will probably be babbling about this all week because I am sooo excited please bear with me. Love to all.....Becky

Beautiful day.......Wonderful Walk

We went for our walk at the state park. It was beautiful!!! The Lord is great I tell ya. He makes all this beauty and still has time to think of me and my selfish problems. I need to lose weight. I am a diabetic and lousy about taking care of my diet. I am bad, very very bad. Right now I am struggling not to eat a peanut butter cup that is in the kitchen left over from trick or treat. SO I have been praying for the Lord to help me with this. Well one of the ladies from our walk asked me if we could be accountability partners. We could watch out for each other, be there for each other and that kind of stuff. Kind of like an AA sponsor. I could call and say I really want to eat the peanut butter cup in my kitchen........and we could encourage each other not to eat bad things....Sounds good huh? We are going to try this I'll let y'all know how it goes! But the Lord is good so I am sure this is His way to help me with this problem I have.....Love to all ...I'll be back have to get a shower.....sweaty from the walk.

Today...Saturday...Brand new day...Praise the Lord!

Hello all. Today is a brand new beautiful day. Praise the Lord. I have been up for a couple hours reading blogs and checking my face book stuff. I woke up today with a new attitude. Today is the first day the ladies from Monday small group and I get together for our walk in the park and share time. Praise the Lord, for He is good. He surrounds you with support all you have to do is believe with the faith of a mustard seed and He works wonders. I actually remember not so long ago feeling so alone and like I had no friends. I cried to the Lord and told him I felt lonely now look what He has given me. More and more friends. Friends here, friends there, friends from the past I did not know I had. Praise the Lord for He is good.
I'll be back I have to get ready........

No panic feelings....still coughing... but not panicing

Hello my blogging friends. I am feeling much better today have not had any panic feelings since I drove myself crazy that first day.......
I am however still coughing despite taking ALL the antibiotics. It seemed to go away for a few days....maybe a day or two...then coughing again! I called the doc again today. She is stumped. She is going to send to me have an upper GI because GERD can cause coughing if me esophagus is not closing all the way. ( I looked that up on the Internet.) Then if that is negative she will send me to a pulmonologist. I had a small pity party for my self at the thought that something bad could be going on but I am over that now. I am thinking GERD is causing the problem. SO I will have the test the doctor suggest and then make a diagnosis.
Thank you for all your support.
Be back tomorrow sometime. I have my first walk with my accountability partners. I also have a paper to write for the end of my school semester so I am sure I will be here while contemplating what to write... Good night :)

I went

I went to bible study last night. Feel much better today. Praise the Lord for a Brand new day!

Challenging day for me

There has to be prologue to this post to help y'all understand my challenge. About 2 years ago I suffered from severe panic attacks to the point where I could not get out of bed for almost 2 months. We had thought we were moving out of state. Our house sold in less than a week and there was no where for us to live. We did not know what the plan was or where we were going. I had quit my job because I thought there would be a move and did not look like it was happening. I had lost complete control of my life. At the same time the doctor had tried me on a new medication for my diabetes which kept bottoming out my blood sugar. I would get really shaky and then have a panic attack to point of which I felt like I was having a heart attack. I went back to my doctor who had never seen me like this so she started me on a medication called Effexor. It really helped.
The doctor said this is a medication you really should not be on for the rest of your life. Now it has been two years and I do not think I need the medication any more. So I talked about it with my doctor and we agreed to taper off the medication. Today was the first day. I feel fine just tired. But, considering I just got over pertussis maybe I should still be tired. Today I find my self analysing every feeling I have like....... I woke up nauseated this morning and OMG my blood sugar must be low so without even checking it I ate something. Then realized today was the first day of the taper and started thinking .....how am I feeling now..... how am i feeling now..... I am doing this to myself. I know this because the medication has not yet had a chance to make any changes. But I am fearful it will happen again. I only have to put my trust in Jesus and stop letting my own mind sike me out. I have my couple small group bible study tonight at 6:30. Kevin is working I am trying to decide if I want to go...... I'll let you know later....

I have to say The Lord Is Good!

Sunday night was awesome at our church! They have First Sunday Night of the month as praise and worship. I usually work at Kids Pointe Sunday night so Have not been to a First Sunday until this past week and I have to say it was awesome. I can not think of words to let you know how great it was. The whole service was about praising our Lord, and we did. If you are ever around Moncks Corner, SC on the first Sunday of the month go to the 5:30 service at Point North Community Church it is an awesome experience.

Monday Night I go to a small group for those with addictions. We support each other, listen to each other, share with each other and study the bible. I am addicted to food crazy as it seems. I am a over eater. I eat to feel good, eat because I am bored, lonely, sad, glad, alert, sleepy. You name it I eat for it. I am also a diabetic and a nurse so I should know better but I don't. I can teach my patients but not me isn't that weird. So I have been praying about this and asked God for help. I right now am too poor for weight watchers and once found out you can cheat on ww and still loose weight. So I need some one to be accountable to. Last night at small group one of our members Patsy patted me on the shoulder told me she struggles with over eating too. We talked after the study and decided we would meet on Saturday morning for a walk in the park. maybe a few other ladies from the group would come too. patsy told me since we both had the same problem with food maybe we should be accountability partners to each other. I was so excited the God had answered my prayer I cried most of the way home as I praised our most precious and holy Savior.

Today was wonderful!!

Today was a wonderful day. The weather was terrific. Sun shining, not to hot not to cold. My husband made me breakfast this morning, then I went to a meeting for Kids Pointe at church. When that was over I came home went to lunch and shopping with my husband. I had to buy a baby shower gift for a dear friend of mine daughter. She is having her first grandchild. So I also bought Karan (my friend) a gift. A small picture frame for her grandbabies picture. I found this wonderful cross with a quote from Psalms and for the baby and mom then a few more cute things. I went to the shower it was fun. Great to support a friend. Then off to date night with my husband and another couple. We went to dinner and a movie. FireProof was the movie> It was good.
I love my husband even after all this time. he is my best friend, my confidant, my support, and partner. I am so glad God gave him to me.
Thank you Lord for a wonderful day.

Haloween

I have a problem with haloween these days. It has nothing to do with trick-or-treat. I think it is a fun activity kids look forward to all year long. They love to dress up and pretend they are someone else. That is a treat for all kids. I just wish it was not associated with this holiday.
My problem is with haloween. I do not choose to use a capitol letter on this holiday because I feel as a whole we give it to much respect already. I have long since thought as a Christ follower I should not practice haloween. I rationalized it out when I had children so they could dress up and go trick-or-treating. But as the years have gone on I have been noticing more and more what it is that makes me feel uncomfortable about this holiday. I see houses all light up with orange lights with big displays of ghosts, goblins, witches and zombies. Big black cauldrons in yards with smoke coming out as if it were a witches brew. Every year it is a little more ridiculous. I have held my tongue about this for a long time. Then just the other day I went into the pharmacy to get my medicine and I saw the most disturbing thing to me. It was a black Christmas tree with orange lights sitting on a skull! My first thought was how outrageous this is. Then I realized some people would actually buy this monstrosity and display it in their yards or homes! Now I feel I have to speak my mind, you may not agree with me but this is my opinion. I feel like Satan who has a strong hold on this world is slowly but surely making haloween to be the holiday to which children look forward to like Christmas. I think Satan enjoys that Christain people actually celebrate his holiday. He is sneaking it in a little more and more every year until we are totally desensitized by it. Just like the world we live in. Day by day Christians are being beat down and tormented by society. I mean seriously is there any other holiday that gets this much attention except for Christmas. How many times have you heard the local news feature a yard display for Thanksgiving, Easter, or the 4th of July?

Time for sleep

Time for sleep my friends. Today was a good day. But it is now time to try to go to sleep. Hopefully I will be able the doctor gave me medicine to help me stop coughing and start sleeping. I will be taking that in a minute. So good night for now.

Hello my friends

Hello my friends... Well I am doing quite good after my smack in the face news yesterday. I am not sure I have the illness the doctor thinks I have but I am only a nurse and the patient after all. She has much much more experience than I.
I was thinking and praying about all this and it brought a question to my mind. As I posted a few days or maybe a week ago we are in hard times. In fact I went to an agency yesterday(before I knew I was terribly contagious!) to apply for extra shifts at local hospitals and facilities. Then this news I am sick and will have to take a few days off work with out pay! HMMM I wonder. I know there is a lesson in all this for me to learn. I only hope I do learn it and am not dense enough to let the lesson pass me by. My husband and I have our speculations about what we are supposed to learn, but will only know in God's time. I pray Dear Lord help us to learn the lessons you are teaching us....and help us to be able to help others with what we learn.. In Your Precious and Holy Name ...Amen!

That is what the doctor said

Ok, I went to the doctor today. I have had a cough for a long time about two months long time. I thought it was my allergies acting up. Then the weather changed from hot to cold so I thought must be from my sinuses. Then the weather changed back to hot and cold again. Finally I got so so tired of coughing I thought I should call the doctor. First she stopped a medication I was newly taking started taking a few months ago because its side effect is cough. SO now I have been off the medication for a whole week and still I am coughing. I called again and was told if I still had the cough by today I should go to the doctor's office. Well today comes still coughing!!
Went to the doctor she thinks I have pertussis; yea that is whooping cough! O MY!!
So now I am off for the rest of the week should have started antibiotics today but have no money so I will get them tomorrow.
Wow, so I am off for the next couple days (without pay because I have no vacation time left). Maybe I can catch up on house work, maybe, or maybe my reading.......I don't know we shall see. All I know is this is kind of crazy. I never thought I would get whooping cough!!

Yeah I know I am still awake

I changed my dots. The more I look at it I think I like the dark. Then I took the dots off completely. I like it this way for now. I love blue all shades of blue. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. But I like it now!

2am and I am awake.......WHY????

Hello World. It is 2 am and I am awake again. Why??? I wish I knew. I think it is because I worked night shift so long my body clock is all messed up!! This happened Saturday night too. SO I got out of bed at 2:30 am and sat on the couch or the computer until morning when my hubby got up to go to church. Went to church. It was Great!!! Then to the Fall festival had a great time until about 3 in the afternoon then I was REALLY tired. The picture is us at the festival Kevin and I. Any way I came home from the festival fell asleep at 3:30ish and woke up at 6am Monday morning! Which is probably why I can not sleep tonight. O well I think I will try to get some sleep.

Just a thought I heard in a sermon a man kept waking up at 3 am continually. Finally he prayed about it and it turns out there was someone he needed to pray for at that time. SO I have had a certain young lady from my bible study on my mind lately. Maybe I will use this time to pray for her. If you get a second you could pray for her also. God knows who she is. Thank you all and hopefully this is good night.

Miracle Sunday and Fall Festival

My church is having a big service tomorrow. They are calling it Miracle Sunday and after that we all go to our Fall Festival. I am really looking forward to the service tomorrow. We have been in some trying times but I know the Lord has all of us His children in the palm of His hand and He knows how many tears we cry over our circumstances. I know as sure as Romans 8:28 says everything will work out for good for us who love the Lord that this too shall pass.
The economy may be a bundle of mess but I choose to live my happy life trusting in the Lord, Jesus Christ.
Well I gotta get some school work done I'll be back to tell you about the service and the festival. Happy Weekend everyone!

Are you ready

The state has a deficit it is cutting back on programs. I work at MUSC the Medical University of South Carolina, a state facility. So we have cut backs. I will soon be working 32 hours a week and heading for a nursing agency or other facility to get some hours for work. My husbands job has no orders so he too is making less money. The stock market is falling more and more all over the world. Jesus, I am ready! Are you coming soon? I am ready are you?
I think sometimes when are you coming Lord this place is a mess! Then I think of my precious grandson and my new grandson who will be born in January. I want to see them grow and be a grandma. I wonder am I really ready Lord? I think I am am. I hope you will approve of my work here. I try my best for you.
I think I am ready are you??????

Just thinking

I wonder sometimes what is the plan for my life Lord? Am I living up to Your expectation of me? Am I where You want to be in my life? What will You have be do next Lord? Where do I go next? What is the next chapter of my life to be? The questions of life I ponder sometimes. I wonder would it be better if the Lord opened the book one day and told me directly.....Becky you are supposed to do this or that....Would I do it or would I hide because I felt inferior to do the plan the Lord has for me? My prayer today is Lord lead me where you want me to...Place me where you need me..And help me live up to the expectations of Your Son Jesus Christ.

Different People

Today is Saturday October 11th. My brother's birthday. Happy birthday Tom!!! (I just had to mention that it has nothing to do with my post.)
I was not feeling too good this morning the week has left my stomach a mess. I woke up several times last night and today wanted to stay close to the bathroom if you know what I mean.

Now to the real reason I wanted to post about. While I was home today along with straightening up around the house. I watched a Trading spouses marathon. I do not know why I like this show but I do. If you do not know the premise there are two such shows. The first Trading Spouses trade to wives from completely different backgrounds into each other's world for a week. They receive $50,000 for participating but what they do not know is the wife gets to choose how the money will be spent for the family she is traded to.
The episode that I felt I had to write about traded a women who was very obsessed about having a clean house and a controlled schedule. Everything went according to her schedule and her opinion. The second wife was not as clean but had a clean home, loved to spend time with her family and was very affectionate with her family.
I watched the whole show but was impacted by the last few minutes of the show. Clean freak went into happy go luck's house and cleaned it from top to bottom. Happy go lucky went into clean freak's house and wanted to show the children how to have fun, She had a party with props. Silly string, streamers and everything a home made party has. At the end of the show when clean freak came home she greeted her family and before the first hour was over she saw silly string on the wall and ceiling. She asked about what happened the family tried to tell her. It ensued an argument by husband and wife, with children in between. I saw mom on one side dad on the other stressing their points to each other loudly. What broke my heart was their daughter' who throughout the show had tried very much to keep the house clean so mom would not get upset and finally had some fun in the end, she had a pasted smile on her face and was jumping up and down between her parents. As if she were saying hey look at me I am happy everything is OK do not fight!! Maybe this struck a cord with me because I was that child. I know what she was feeling and it is not pretty. I want to say a prayer for that little girl.
Dear Lord, please help that little girl to know she is not the cause of her parents arguments. There is absolutely nothing she can do to fix it. Most of all Lord please let her start to believe in herself and know she can do anything with You who give her strength.

A new day and a new perspective

I realized on Sunday I have a problem with overeating. It consumes me. Why, right now I do not know but that is the process which I have started with the Lord. I am through with hurting my self and my health. Before Cal's series "Captive" I thought to myself I am not going to get anything from this I am not addicted to anything. Then I walked into the church Sunday morning. I noticed overeating on the board behind Cal and thought wow that is an addition? How can I be addicted to food when it is food I need to live? As Cal spoke on Sunday morning I sometimes thought as though God were pointing HIS finger right at me, like there was a neon sign above my head that was a huge arrow. I realized I use food as a crutch for a lot of things. That day I made a commitment to change. I started the Monday night small group because I am captive to food and need God's help to release me from my bondage. I realize this will be a daily struggle but I can do all things through God who strengthens me.

Our baby, the dog OMG

Last night I got a phone call from my daughter with my grandson crying in the back ground. Sharon explained that their dog Keiko, a german sheppard, had snapped at Etha and bit him in the face. They were on their way to the hosital and Ethan wanted to talk to me. She put hm on the phone and he broke my heart crying "Memaw Keiko bit me!" I tried to hold back the tears but he sounded so pittiful as he cried. Sharon then took the phone to see if I was ok. She would call me back as soon as they knew anything. Kieko was a puppy when they got him. He was very protective of Ethan and then all the sudden this.... Why? Why?

I tried to remain calm and hand it over to God but my brain kept giving all kinds of scenerios of what happened and how scared Ethan must have been. I wanted to scream at God why could you let this happen to our baby!!!!! I wanted to be there so I could comfort him and Sharon instead of Sharon comforting me......trying to calm me...Why are my prayers not answered why do I live so far away from my children.....Why when all my life my prayer has been to have a family now that I have my own are we so far away from each other......All these questions come to mind when something hapens and I am so far away.....I know I have no control, God has all control but ......why does it hurt so much.....

Ok enough about me back to our baby. He was ok once he got to the hospital and the nurses started smoozing over him. The eye doctor came in and said he had to go to surgery!!!!!OMG!!!!! The dog had tore his tear duct and they needed to repair it. He was in surgery for what seemed like HOURS!!!! But in reality it was only about an hour and a half. His surgery went well and he was able to go home with Sharon and Malcholm last night. They called me and let him talk to me on the way home. He said " Memaw I am all fixed."

Sick Today Feeling BLAHHHH!!!

I feel like crap today. Infact it started yesterday my head started to feel like I was in a bubble, my ears felt clogged and my sinuses hurt. Basically my head hurt. I left work early and went to bed at 7pm, I did not even watch Grey's Anatomy! Today I woke up when the alarm went off to feel worse. Not only my head but my stomach was cramping and awful. Needless to say I did not go to work today which makes me mad because I am trying to save vacation time and going to talk to my boss about the mission trip to Texas. I have a meeting with my boss for that on Monday. Please pray for that for me. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow, or I will make myself feel better tomorrow I should say because I have no time to be sick......Do ya hear me Satan!!!! No time.... I have things to do....places to be ...... and a mission trip to prepare for!!!
Also school starts back on Monday so I really have no time........

I am excited today!!!

For a few years I have had on my heart that I wanted to help people suffering from devastation. I think it started with the pictures of the Tsuanmi a few years ago or it could have been earlier than that. When ever I see an area ravaged by devastaion all I want to do is help. I had a heart for the Katrina victums but did not know what to do. Well this morning at church an oppertunity has arisen and I am going to step up to the challenge, step out of my comfort zone and do some work for the Lord!
Our church, Point North Community Churchhttp://www.pointnorth.org/, is going to take a mission trip to Galveston Texas. I volunteered!
I am scared, I am excited. I am scared because I do not know what I will be asked to do, and will my work give me the time off. You see my daughter and grandson are coming the week before Thanksgiving anfd I want to spend time with them, so I do not want to use up my vacation time for this. So, that makes me scared because I will probally have to do this with out pay. I am excited because I am trusting the Lord and stepping out of my comfort zone for HIM!
Please pray for this mission trip.

Looking Forward to the Weekend

I am so looking forward to the weekend!!! I have so much to do and no money of course that's no surprise. I have to go to a 2 year olds birthday party, then take my grandmother to dinner. My sister wants me to go to a seminar on how to make millions of dollars on the Internet with a small business web page, don't think I have time for that..... then Sunday I have 2 luncheons to go to after church one is for a friend who is leaving for Iraq next week and will be gone for a few months; the other is a luncheon with the service group at church. Then my church stuff of course. The strange thing is I feel like I am slacking because I am not on the computer doing school stuff because I have a 2 week break. Any who, I am looking forward to the weekend. Then Monday I am working as a volunteer for the Hollings Cancer Center Golf Tournament........SO instead of spending all day at work I will be at the golf course driving around in a golf cart distubutating liquid refreshments to the golfers.
Have a great weekend y'all!

My Dad

After the initail shock of the heart attack my dad is doing good. Actually the doctors said it was a good thing it happened the way it did. They say if this would not have happened now he would have had a massive heart attack and died in a few years. The docs said he is doing so good because of his diet and exercise routine but they will keep close tabs on him. I praise the Lord for saving my dad!!! I do not know what I would do if anything happened to him. Even though I am 40...something I am still daddy's little girl and will be till the day I die!! I love you dad!!!!!

Scariest phone call

I was at work today in clinic and got a page to come turn of my phone it had bells and whistles going off. What I found was a missed phone call from my step-mom and a text message saying "we are going to passavant hospital." I texted back Why. That is when I got a call from my sister saying she was on her way to the hospital that my dad had a heart attack! O MY God!!!!! My first reaction, that is when my sister realized that I did not know yet. She told me she talked to him and he was fine on his way to get a cardiac cath done. O MY God!!!! My dad had a heart attack!!!! I started to cry. I told my sister I was ok and to keep me posted! She agreed. I went into the bathromm and balled like a baby. My daddy was having a heart attack!!!!! Please dear God I prayed let him be ok, don't let anything bad happen to my daddy. I had to compose my self because I was still at work, of course I looked like I was crying so everybody wanted to know what was wrong so I told them. They all assured me he was in the best possible place and would be taken care of and they would say a prayer.Then I got a text from my step mom saying he was good his vitals were good and he was on his way to have the cath. I notified my bosses encase I had to go to Pittsburgh to see my dad.
A few minutes ago I got a call from my sister saying he is out and he is fine. One of his adteries was completely blocked but the other had taken up the slack and was working very well. There is a small blockage in the one taking up the slack but they want to watch it put him on medication and heart healthy diet and exercise. PRAISE THE LORD FOR HE IS GOOD!!!!!!!

Meet Asher John McClelland in his first real picture!!!

It's a boy!!!!!!!

Bryan and Elise are having a boy!! Elise had a ultra sound yesterday and he was very cooperative. Asher John McClelland will be his name. He is due for arrival on January 15. All looked good!!!!! Praise the Lord!!!!!

Why do parents make their kids feel guilty

Why some parents make their children feel guilty. Then again why do we feel guilty, when our parents say or do something. My mom has a knack of making me feel guilty, I do not know if it has been going on forever or if it has just been in the last year or so that she has been here. She says things and then I say things. She annoys me so much because she cries ALL the time and won't do anything to help herself. Like for instance she wanted to take care of my grandmother. She moved her here and lived with me for almost a year until I could not stand it any more. But, that is all in the past now I am trying to put it behind me. Then things like this week happen. MY grandmother was sick; my sister had mom's car. Pam, my sister was on a field trip from with the kids at work. So I volunteered to take Nana to the doctor.
I had taken a few days off this week because of the holiday and my sister in law , her family and my son and daughter in law were coming to spend some time here. So I took Nan and mom to the doctor, the doctor wanted to send Nana to the hospital to get IV antibiotics, and round the clock nebulizers. I took them to the hospital waited until they were secure in a room and then left to come home to my house full. Mom was not feeling well either, the thing is she is such a DRAMA QUEEN and every little thing is drawn out FOREVER and EVER...
Now it is three days later, ther has been drama every day believe me.
My point is I called today after volunteeing to bring my granmother here with all my visitors and she did not want to come wanted to stay home. I called mom today to see how they were and she told me she still had a head ache and my grandmother had a bad night.
I am just tired of feeling guilty because I am doing everything I can. I gave up my house for a year! I go there several times a week. I call everyday and still I feel guilty. WHY?

Scared........Biopsy.......Good New?????

Last week while at work the doctor I work with tried our new ultra sound machine on me. What she found were a few nodules on my thyroid and a enlarged lymph node in my neck. She told me it needed biopsied. So Friday I went to have the biopsy and the results were BENIGN!! Here is my problem, don't get me wrong benign is good, but what do I do next. Do I have surgery on my thyroid to make for certain it is benign all the way through or do I have surgery to take out half of my thyroid? If the surgery was done I would have to be on medication for the rest of my life, but I am sure I will be on some meds for the rest of my life with the problems I have now. So what do I do??????? I have no idea what to do. Yes I do pray!!!

My babies all grown up

Do you have grown up children? Do you know what it is like to listen to them when they are unhappy? WHat can you do besides listen? Knowing that tomorrow may be a whole different day and they may be happy again. It is the hardest thing I've every done so far in my life. When my daughter cries or is mad and upset because of something it breaks my heart. I just want to scoop up her and my grnadson and bring them back to my home so I can make it all better, but I can't becasue she is an adult. So I listen, and then I pray.

I try not to get mad at my son-in-law who is the reason why she is upset or angry, but sometimes that is not easy either. I just want to thrash him and let him him know how he is making her feel. I want to punch his dad in the face because he is usung his son. They just bought a new house and instead of helping set up his new house and making it great for HIS family ; he is at his dad's working on his dad's house. So instead of getting amd or punching someone in the face; I listen and pray. Then I spill out my feelings here for the world to see but nobody reads my blog but me so that's ok.

This is one of the first pictures of my new grandbaby!!!!!!

AAAARRRHHH I Hate Math

I hate math!!!! I especially hate college math because apparently college math has nothing to do with numbers or at least I haven't gotten to that part in my third week of a six week class. All I have been doing is LOGIC. I used to think I was a logical person that is until I took this class; it would appear I am completely illogical. So any one who reads this please pray for me to get through my next three weeks and at leaast pass this class. That is all I hope for right now. I think about the GPA after this calss is over and I have NO MORE MATH CLASSES!!!!!!! YAHOOOO!!!

Back to the real world

Back home and back to work and school. I have college math now for the next few weeks. The classes are 6 weeks long. So after 18 months I will have my BSN. I am excited about that but have to say I do not like spending all my time studying. I am doing OK. I can pass the math classes. I do much better in the writing and nursing classes.

Sharon and Malcholm bought a new house this week. They move in this weekend. Ethan is not sure he understands, but knows he has a new house and new room. When Sharon first started packing his stuff he told her "no" to pack her stuff. I miss him so much I can't wait to see him again. I won't see him until September. That seems so far away. The new baby in January. Elise is doing OK, having a bit of morning sickness but not doing too bad.

The picture above is the whole family at Bryan's wedding.

Wonderful Mother's Day News

I got wonderful news on Mother's Day. My son's wife is going to have a baby! I am going to be a grandma again. I am tickled pink!!!!!
I love being a grandma! It is great.

So sad Time to go home

I am sad right now because I just left my grandson and daughter. I am at the airport waiting for my fight home it has been delayed 1 hour. I had an absolutely wonderful time. I spent lots of time with Sharon and Ethan. It was great. We took him to the park each day and to the carosel. We watched Pabulo Beach over and over until I bought Dora then we watched Dora over and over. I spent most of my money on him after all I am his Memaw thats what we do. I am already looking forward to the next trip to see them again.

Happy Birthday to me

Happy Birthday to me! It was a wonderful day. We started out slow but it was great! I spent the whole day with my daughter and grandson. We went shopping, we went to the carosel in downtown Salem, then to the park. I got to watch Ethan at his swimming lessons. Then I came back to Sharon's for dinner and birthday cake. It was wonderful! The best part of the day is hearing Ethan say "Happy Birthday Memaw. I am truely blessed. Only a few more days to spend with them. I will enjoy every minute!

Memaw

This is my grandson.He is such a joy to my life.He is so lovable and loves to snuggle.I am here in Oregon with him now. I am Memaw. I was so worried because I live in South Carolina and he in Oregon that he would not know who I was, but he knew me at the airport. It only took aout 2 minutes then he recognized me and came right to me.

I am here until Thursday night when I fly back to the east coast. I am going to make the most of every day; get as many hugs and kisses as I can. So I can store them up until I see him again. I praise the Lord for this little fella, his mommy and daddy too. Hopefully my son will have some babies for me on the east coast too. That is what I am waiting for a house full of grandkids. I thank the Lord for the mates he chose for my children. I love being Memaw and look forward to the future.

Spending time with my grandson

I am here in Silverton, Oregon at my daughter's house spending time with my grandson. It is wonderful. I have been here for two days. I will be here until next Thursday. I love being with my grandson. I am totally wrapped around his little finger. I'll post more later.

My new Niece

I am very soon getting a new neice, her name is Lilian Kim. That will be her american name. My brother and sister-in-law will soon be on their way to China to pick her up. You can follow their
information and trip at tayloradoption.blogspot.com. They have pictures of Lilian and the whole family. I am so excited about it I can not wait to see her.

taylor family

tayloradoption.blogspot.com

So far away

I have a wonderful grandson, he calls me Memaw. I love him more than words can say. I am going to see him and my daughter and son-in-law of course in two weeks. I am counting the days. Soon I will be counting the hours, then minutes until I see him. He is two and a half. I wish so much that he would live closer to me, but my son-in-law is from the west coast, and that is where they live. I live on the east coast. I am originally from Pennsylvania and until my daughter graduated from boot camp in the army the farthest west I ever was was Ohio.
Now I am really on the east coast, I live in South Carolina.
Now my husband and I live in our house with our dog. No kids all grown up.
Sometimes I want to have another baby of my own. My husband says NO.
My son also lives in SC with his wife but they live in Greenville three hours away.
I guess I am suffering from empty nest syndrom. At least that is what I am told.
Good bye for now. I'll be back soon.

Long time since last post

Wow it has been a long time since my last post. A lot has happened since then. I am now working back at the Cancer Center and I love my job. I with 2 wonderful surgeons. I love working with both of them. Infact one of them will hopefully be doing surgery on me soon. My health is well, lets put it this way I feel good but my diabetes has been getting out of control my blood sugars have been getting higher and higher, that is why I am looking forward to surgery hopefully. I'll leave that for another post in the future. I promise it won't be as long an abscence next time.
My mom has moved with my grandmother into a a little place of their own. That is good. We are getting along better now but we still do have our moments. She now lives down the street from my sister, so she can help them alot more now.
I have actually started back to school to I am going to get my bachelor's degree in Nursing.
The hour is getting late so I am going to leave for now but I promise to be back soon.